(no subject)
Mar. 1st, 2011 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mallorys_cameraBut, alas! the bullshit drama isn’t tired of me.
Last night Jayne LeGro wrote back. A whoozy of a letter – what it lacks in prose style, it makes up in venom. The lackluster prose style does make it a bit difficult to slog through but for anyone interested in the ongoing saga I reproduce it below.
I guess I’m supposed to feel ashamed because I tried to establish friendly relations between the two households.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. The one bright spot was Annie’s first husband Rik who actively maintained a familial relationship with us all even after Annie and he divorced. When he remarried, his wife Janet became part of the family network.
I always thought this was a positive thing, and indeed their relationship is something of a model in my eyes for how people should deal with former spouses: Love changes, but it doesn’t go away.
I guess this is radical notion, right up there with unions and single-payer healthcare.
Jayne LeGro is a small town girl with a small, dour, humorless mind, clenched as tightly as George W. Bush’s asshole. The real reason for that wedgie up her snatch apparently is that Ben occasionally repairs things around my house. Hello! His son lives here. Maybe that’s why he wants things to be in good working order.
Fuck her. I’m not even going to reply. It must suck being her. That’s its own punishment.
Patrizia:
Please do not include Ben on your replies. Your objection is with me, not him. Let's keep the communication clean and not blur the lines with someone else who is not part of the A to B communication in the first place.
Please remember your words written in earlier e-mails: "things are tense between our households", "I don't think we should continue to be question marks to each other..." "you see Jayne, I want to like you...this is the last part of the healing process..."
You ARE NOT a question to me. You are Robin's mother. Period. I don't need to know anything else unless I decide to. If you have a purient interest in me, that has absolutely nothing to with my relation ship to or with Robin.
"... the Mommy Seal of approval..." Did I miss something? Is Robin 6 years old? Disabled? Not capable of knowing what is a stable and experienced parental figure? I had my son at age 20, was a single parent, worked 2 jobs, put myself through an undergraduate program at Cornell University. I worked off and on with juvenile delinquents for more than five years. I had a daughter later at age 29.5, remained a single parent. If you want references from either of my kids about my ability to parent, mentor, support, befriend youth, OR any of their friends who also lived with me/us at various times, please let me know.
"What goes on with Ben is none of my business..." but "I didn't know about you until October when Robin came to stay with Ben..." "...listen Patrizia, our relationship is massively fucked..., I have a chance to be happy..." Whatever went on with you and Ben and whatever continues to go on in your head in your relationship with Ben and you has NOTHING to do with me. So please don't (a) suggest that what was truly a massively codependent "arrangement" you both had to make it sound like "poor me", I am the last to know anything, or (b) pretend that there is anything about that arrangement that I will cop to or be a part of in your thought process of "extended" family, (e.g., "change is hard" and "the gravy train has ended" means that roles played out for years will now change, your household is YOUR household, ours is ours) and you can fix your own leaks, drains, computers, breakdowns, etc. and whatever else you use to exert your energy.
Let's see, did I leave out anything? Likely? I am SURE you will get back to me.
Last night Jayne LeGro wrote back. A whoozy of a letter – what it lacks in prose style, it makes up in venom. The lackluster prose style does make it a bit difficult to slog through but for anyone interested in the ongoing saga I reproduce it below.
I guess I’m supposed to feel ashamed because I tried to establish friendly relations between the two households.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. The one bright spot was Annie’s first husband Rik who actively maintained a familial relationship with us all even after Annie and he divorced. When he remarried, his wife Janet became part of the family network.
I always thought this was a positive thing, and indeed their relationship is something of a model in my eyes for how people should deal with former spouses: Love changes, but it doesn’t go away.
I guess this is radical notion, right up there with unions and single-payer healthcare.
Jayne LeGro is a small town girl with a small, dour, humorless mind, clenched as tightly as George W. Bush’s asshole. The real reason for that wedgie up her snatch apparently is that Ben occasionally repairs things around my house. Hello! His son lives here. Maybe that’s why he wants things to be in good working order.
Fuck her. I’m not even going to reply. It must suck being her. That’s its own punishment.
Patrizia:
Please do not include Ben on your replies. Your objection is with me, not him. Let's keep the communication clean and not blur the lines with someone else who is not part of the A to B communication in the first place.
Please remember your words written in earlier e-mails: "things are tense between our households", "I don't think we should continue to be question marks to each other..." "you see Jayne, I want to like you...this is the last part of the healing process..."
You ARE NOT a question to me. You are Robin's mother. Period. I don't need to know anything else unless I decide to. If you have a purient interest in me, that has absolutely nothing to with my relation ship to or with Robin.
"... the Mommy Seal of approval..." Did I miss something? Is Robin 6 years old? Disabled? Not capable of knowing what is a stable and experienced parental figure? I had my son at age 20, was a single parent, worked 2 jobs, put myself through an undergraduate program at Cornell University. I worked off and on with juvenile delinquents for more than five years. I had a daughter later at age 29.5, remained a single parent. If you want references from either of my kids about my ability to parent, mentor, support, befriend youth, OR any of their friends who also lived with me/us at various times, please let me know.
"What goes on with Ben is none of my business..." but "I didn't know about you until October when Robin came to stay with Ben..." "...listen Patrizia, our relationship is massively fucked..., I have a chance to be happy..." Whatever went on with you and Ben and whatever continues to go on in your head in your relationship with Ben and you has NOTHING to do with me. So please don't (a) suggest that what was truly a massively codependent "arrangement" you both had to make it sound like "poor me", I am the last to know anything, or (b) pretend that there is anything about that arrangement that I will cop to or be a part of in your thought process of "extended" family, (e.g., "change is hard" and "the gravy train has ended" means that roles played out for years will now change, your household is YOUR household, ours is ours) and you can fix your own leaks, drains, computers, breakdowns, etc. and whatever else you use to exert your energy.
Let's see, did I leave out anything? Likely? I am SURE you will get back to me.
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no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 04:17 pm (UTC)That right there is the best possible argument to NOT reply lol.
It must suck being her. That’s its own punishment.
on my better days, that's my reaction to assholes fucking with me. "Jesus Christ, just having to LIVE inside the head of an asshole such as yourself is punishment enough."
And did she really give her age at second child's birth as "twenty nine and a half"? Like "I'm six, going on seven"? Really?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:11 pm (UTC)RTT describes her as "retarded."
"Don't insult people with substandard IQ's!" I scold him sternly.
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Date: 2011-03-01 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 05:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 06:15 pm (UTC)And forward THAT email to him.
Now.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 07:20 pm (UTC)She's probably on to something when she suggests that meeting her need not necessarily be part of your healing process. She's bad medicine and you have the wherewithal to move on without putting up with her bullshit.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:42 pm (UTC)That's an excellent question. At this point, I don't have any real interest in meeting her beyond the fact that it would make her very uncomfortable and I would enjoy watching that discomfort.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:33 pm (UTC)She had written me this rather pathetic note (not reproduced here) apologizing profusely for something or other, & I had written back -- thinking I was dealing with someone with an evolved consciousness -- "No worries! See, I want to like you! It's all part of the healing process!"
That'll teach me to be an old hippie. :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 07:44 pm (UTC)Best response is silence. She clearly wants/needs you to have a 'purient interest in her life'. It makes her feel more powerful than you - a counter to her massive insecurity.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-01 07:51 pm (UTC)I just pretend they don't exist, and eventually they just kind of...don't exist.
Your mileage may vary.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 12:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 05:50 pm (UTC)Yeah, let her stew, but also have Ben continue to fix stuff for you. It's the least he can do.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-02 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 04:50 am (UTC)can robin get early admissions somewhere and start college so you can leave that *!*#$## with that #@(@(#$ and go somewhere nice and warm?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:56 am (UTC)can robin get early admissions somewhere
Would that be great or what?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 10:22 am (UTC)This is a more crucial time for him than when he was 6! Teenagers need stable home lives just as much as little kids do!
Her opener "don't tell Ben" screams insecurity. Without Ben, there would be no conflict, so he should definitely be cc'd on all communications. It's her way of saying, "I'd rather Ben not know I'm capable of the following..."
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:29 pm (UTC)Oh, absolutely. But there won't be any more communications, at least not ones initiated by me. Unless I get drunk and decide to fuck with her. :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 08:00 pm (UTC)I think ignoring her would be best, seconded only by making damn sure B knows everything that goes between the two of you so he knows what kind of a nut she is, even if she's the nut with the checkbook.
Who takes the recommendation of adult children? She's an imbecile. 29.5 made me laugh out loud. Almost as much as her little diatribe about single parenting and her secondary education.
But anyway, staying above it all sounds best, since you can't exactly snatch out her hair and bust her in the eye, which is less than she deserves but more trouble than she's worth.
When she realizes she's invisible to you, she'll lose her damn mind. That will be great! She's really insecure and you could totally own her with that info, but really, that would take time, and you should have too many social events to toy with her anyway.
OK? My foot sucks, who are you dating? Let's talk about something more fun than old Jane, who may wear the spurs over there, but her horse is whack.Love you, mean it.