Mallory's Camera

It was great seeing RTT, but I could tell I wasn't in prime Road Trip mode in Ithaca because I kept seeing things in terms of obstacles.

Not Alynn invited us to dinner, how fabulous is that.

But Alynn invited us to dinner. Fuck! That means I'm gonna have to drive in the dark and figure out the parking situation in Collegetown in the dark, and —

I wasn't game in other words. I kept seeing everything as a dreary algorithm with onerous conditions.

In fact, I think you could legitimately call it borderline depression, a headspace that's been following me around since the end of the Schlock gig. Either borderline depression or an actual illness, because I have so little physical energy. Do I have cancer? Lyme disease? Long COVID? Anemia? I keep thinking, If only I could sleep for 12 hours, sleep and dream, it would all be okay, that nascient headache always threatening to bloom just behind my eyes would finally go away...

Brain fog seems to lift to some extent when it's sunny & warm out, which inclines me to think it's primarily psychological (though, of course, psyche and soma do not have a clear demarcation). It rained practically the entire time I was in Ithaca. And it was cold. I didn't pack for rain & cold! Maybe that's why I felt so Not Good.



I like Alynn, and I did have dinner with her one-on-one first night I was there at a not-terrible Mexican restaurant. (Good Mexican food is difficult to come by in New York state outside the City.) She is very smart, blunt, no-nonsense. When I first met her, she was the suffer-no-fools head of the farm-to-table lunch program at RTT's high school, New Roots. I was a parent, so one of the fools by default! Now she's New Roots' operational head, and since RTT dragged me over to her house on Thanksgiving, we are thick as thieves. She was really kind to me that night, and I was in baaaaaad shape, so her kindness was deeply appreciated.

We did the things that would have resulted in bonding had I been in a better headspace. Parsed romantic histories, talked about our kids, shared confidences about our favorite drugs. But I was going through the motions. Alynn was great, the food was great, but I didn't want to be there—although if you'd quizzed me, I couldn't have told you where I did want to be.

In penance for my dissociative state, I picked up the tab for dinner.



RTT is as good as I've ever seen him. The apartment looks great, which I suspect may be due to the domestic talents of new roomie Willow, whom I liked enormously. With three humans, two dogs, one cat, and one snake, it is now the Peaceable Kingdom: Always someone to cuddle! RTT continues to have lots of fun at his Personal Best day job and is taking his City Council responsibilities very seriously.

I went to his weekly City Council meeting. Issue under discussion: Cement spalling at one of the city-owned parking garages that services Ithaca's downtown. Cement has a half-life, and the garage is more than 50 years old. It's very valuable property that could be repurposed in a hundred interesting ways, but the business community wants those parking spaces. Retrofitting the garage would take $3 million, and the repair wouldn't last for more than five years. What should the City of Ithaca do?

It's amazing to me that my kid has a say in that decision.

I'm proud of him!

He's so charismatic! And he's of a generation that, for the most part, is politically disaffected, so he's an excellent role model for his cohort. All politics are local politics!

Interesting sidebar: The mayor is Justine's boyfriend...

When you're in a karass, you're in a karass.