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As loopy and long as it was, the hose turned out to be manageable. I gave the baby cukes, marigolds, basil, & chili peppers a good soaking, but at 10 o'clock in the morning, it was simply too hot to do any transplanting or serious weeding. Jungle heat is serious heat, and in faux-summer, the Hudson Valley is a jungle.

Shortly, I will toddle forth to water today.

This garden is a bit more of a commitment than my Hyde Park Community Garden plot because it's 12 miles away from where I live.

Fortunately, temps are expected to sink down to a far more seasonal 70° range by the end of this week, so I can finish planting the rest of the lettuce, spinach, radishes, beans, & tomatoes without courting heat stroke.

###

Other than that, I did 1,000 more words on the Work in Progress.

The Flavia character is in no way, shape, or form a fictional projection of me, so I can't lift passages straight from my diary. I worry that the serviceable prose I'm manufacturing anew is not very interesting to read. (This assumes that my actual diary is interesting to read, which may not be the case.)

I keep telling myself: That doesn't matter. Just write something that moves the plot along and relays the necessary character info. You can edit the damn thing later once it actually exists!

###

I also fought with Icky throughout most of the day. He was being a dick about installing the window AC unit in the Patrizia-torium. So, what's new, right?

I would have installed it myself except that (a) during the winter, the AC unit lives in a closet with a door that has no doorknob and thus is impossible to open without professional lock-picking tools, and (b) the goddamn thing weighs 50 pounds, and I can't lift it.

Icky had decided to spend the day on the phone, ranting about genocide. I couldn't tell by eavesdropping whether he was for genocide or against it, or whether it was a single long conversation with one person or multiple short conversations with many people, but at a certain point, after I'd asked him nicely five times in five hours—the Patrizia-torium hoards heat when exterior temps rise much over 75° and that makes working very uncomfortable—I remarked, "You know, for someone who professes to care about world injustice, you certainly care very little about helping people inside your own orbit."

This elicited an Icky temper tantrum, but fuck it. He did install the AC unit.

###

Since there is absolutely nothing new in the entire streaming universe, I have been watching Malcolm In the Middle reruns. The BoyZ and I absolutely loved this show back in the day. Brian Cranston is right up there next to Dick Van Dyke as a brilliant physical comedian, and the satire ranges from goofy to sophisticatedly transgressive.

In the clip below, Lois decides to get rid of her horrible mother by exploiting the horrible mother's racism. To that end, Lois recruits the help of her Black neighbors. The clip incorporates every trope in the racist's toychest of fears except maybe drinking from the same water fountain:



You absolutely could not script something like this in the current climate. Humor today is tightly policed.

Thing about humor is that when you get a joke, it is a moment of absolute enlightment, a flash of intuitive awakening, a satori. And quite frankly, everyone can benefit from laughing at themselves from time to time.

This is why, even though I agree with the progressive left on the majority of issues, I have a hard time identifying as part of that pack. I hate political correctness & identity politics—I am flipping my middle finger at yew-ww-www, Robin DiAngelo and Ta-Nehisi Coates—is the prime source of political correctness.

Team Borg

Dec. 19th, 2025 10:06 am
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It's raining & very warm for this time of year, in the mid-50°s.

Temps are supposed to drop precipitously by the end of the day, which, since I am utterly neurotic, is making me worry about the drive to Betsy's house tomorrow. She lives in deepest, darkest Westchester County near the Connecticut border: The roads will be rivers of ice, right? Who knows if I'll even make it to the end of my driveway?

Obsessing about slipping and sliding on ice-encrusted roads is a good diistraction from obsessing about how the kiskas & I will be forced to move into a refrigerator box beneath the bridge because the client whom I invoiced yesterday will never pay me.

###

Yesterday was productive. I wrote 1,000+ words on the Work in Progress.

I do wish Brian were still around to bounce tasteless, black humor dialogue about dying of COVID in a hospital off of. It's an essential component of Chapter 4, and it is very difficult to write convincing banter on your own.

In the evening, I watched a few episodes of Pluribus, about a person who is immune to the virus that suddenly converts practically everyone on Planet Earth to blissful one-mind-hood.

It's an interesting premise with one big flaw: I don't much like the protagonist who's supposed to embody rugged individualism. She's just not very sympatique. So, while typically I'd root against the hive mind, in this one, I'm Team Borg all the way.
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Baaaaad time of year. At this point in my life, I'd rather be savoring the moments, sprinkling them with imagination, stretching them out. But instead, all I can do is hunker down, stare out a window at the pitiless winter landscape, reassure myself, This, too, shall pass.

I'll want those moments back when I'm dying, that's for sure.

###

Meanwhile, it didn't snow all day yesterday, but it might as well have because the part of the day it didn't snow was spent reading the sky, testing the wind, waiting for it to snow.

I did a bit of Useful Work and a useless tax class on Zoom—hey! they're paying me. Played around some with the Work in Progress and unwittingly solved a transition problem before it could turn into awkward prose. Did not exercise, which is possibly why I could not break the gloomy mood.

###

Finished I Have Some Questions for You. Boarding school books must be an actual literary genre! This one is not near the top of the list. The protagonist is a celebrity because she helms a successful podcast. And I'm thinking, Really??? I mean, there are celebrity podcasters, but mostly they were celebrities before they became podcasters; they are leveraging their celebrity to carry the podcast, right?

The protagonist has this gurgley, chick-lit voice, which is wrong, wrong, wrong for a murder mystery. The basic conceit of the book (actually kinda interesting) is that the real murderer, the figure emerging from the shadows, is the teacher who had an affair with the murder victim, the same sympathetic teacher who devoted energy to bringing the protagonist out of her adolescent shell. Except this proves to be a misfire! So, what we're left with at the end of the book is that the titular You behaved... inappropriately. And those kinds of transgressions are less moral absolutes than violations of au courant cultural imperatives.

###

Speaking of au courant cultural imperatives...

In the evening, I watched multiple episodes of the real estate bling show, Owning Manhattan.

And fell into despair!

How do people end up spending $250 million on an apartment?

The $300 heating oil bill for me this month is gonna be tough to pay!

What kind of an abysmal, absolute failure am I that I can't spend $250 million on an apartment? That I can't even spend 50¢ on an apartment?

Why does money have so many zeroes in it now?

Plus, the Upper West Side that I grew up in is practically unrecognizable now. What did they have to tear down to build the great glass tower at 200 Amsterdam? I was scouring my memory. What used to be there? And suddenly this visual sense memory just rushed in: Annie's old apartment on W. 68th and the little diner next door to it, I could see the breakfast plates now, practically smell them: the sunny-side up eggs floating in a little pool of grease, the crunchy hashbrowns, the thick white china plates...

What will happen to that $250 million apartment in 100 years? Will it still be the apex of luxury living? It can't possibly be, right? The cycle is the Ozymandias Factor, boom then bust, palaces dissolving into tenaments.

But I can't even wrap my head around what comes next.

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I continue to be Svengali'd by Selling Sunset, a reality show that is so-o-o horrifyingly Pynchon-esque, I simply cannot take my eyes off it.

It's about an ultra-luxury Ellay real estate brokerage that's run by two identical twin dwarves (no, I am not making this up) whose top agent is named after a gas station.

Every single $50 million property that's being shown to D-List celebrities (Jo-Jo Sliwa anybody?) looks like some house I designed in The Sims 15 years ago.

So, now I'm beating my breast. Did I make the wrong midlife career move? Should I have become an architect instead of an entertainment journalist?

###

In other news of the Deeply Horrible...

Steve Bannon is spot on in this analysis and the danger Mamdani represents to people who think like Bannon.

(Steve Bannon is another one of those things I get Svengali'd by occasionally because deeply as I disapprove of him, the guy is crackerjack smart about the Long View, such that the hackles on the back of my neck often rise when I read him.)
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The tax law final was hard. Filled with questions like, Julius & Murgatroyd are a married couple under age 65. Julius is retired on permanent and total disability. What is their adjusted gross income limit to qualify for the hardly-ever-used (because never indexed for inflation) Credit for the Elderly or the Disabled?

But I got 94% on it, so you know: Go me.

###

Before I collapsed to watch endless episodes of The Real Housewives of Miami, Season 2—which is simply the best season of The Real Housewives ever made—I forced myself to tromp because exercise.

It was a very grey day.

It wanted to rain, but it did not rain, so the landscape was pregnant with a sense of thwarted desire. Not conducive to photography, so instead I offer you a photograph of golden grove unleaving during day-before-yesterday's drive through the Catskills:



Season 2 of The Real Housewives of Miami is iconic!!! So many vile people! So much bad behavior! What's worst? Aging Brazilian narcissist Adrianna punching foul-mouthed-but-seraphic-appearing model Joanna in the face at a lingerie party/charity event put on by Miami's Boob Doctor to benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation? Or coked-out Nazi-cum-Real-Estate-Developer Thomas Kramer so perfectly blending misogyny & patriarchy at the Dinner Party from Hell?? (Shortly thereafter, Kramer was convicted on a RICO charge.)

Ben always maintained that the real reason Osama bin Laden took down the Twin Towers was because of The Real Housewives.

And you know, I think he just may have been right.

###

Anyway, I have carved out an entire day to play with the Work in Progress. So, that is what I'm gonna do.
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Dreamed I was on an airplane, but instead of the standard safety spiel—Please secure your oxygen mask before assisting others—the attendant advised us on what self-help books we should be reading in flight.

These books are absolutely life-changing, she assured us.

The first was a book called So What? dedicated to the proposition that when someone close to you does something reprehensible, you should just shrug and wash your hands of that person forever. Surgically remove yourself from their life.

The second was a book called Fuck You Forever, which was a list of all the horrible things that had ever happened or were going to happen to anyone who'd ever crossed you in any way. Each copy is personally customized! the flight attendant told us in a cheerful voice.

###

Yesterday, I pored over tax law. It's complicated! And the IRS actually fines tax preparers who let taxpayers use the Head of Household status when they're not eligible.

In the midafternoon, I began organizing stuff for the Big Halloween Fun I will be having when I visit my pal A___ in Deecie that weekend.

A___ invited me back in August. For weeks, Get Amtrak ticket had been at the top of my To Do list, and yet I was seized with a curious lassitude whenever I contemplated actually purchasing one.

Finally, day before yesterday, I got more explicit directions from my hostess: Arrive at such-&-such an hour!

Okay! So, that's why I had been putting buying the ticket off!

So yesterday, I booked the ticket and began searching around for my fabulous skeleton costume:



Alas! it seems to have disappeared in the move.

Which meant I was gonna have to make a trip to Spirit Halloween.



I have always been absolutely fascinated by the business model behind Spirit Halloween. Traditionally, it's been a seasonal popup retailer, opening in August, shuttering promptly on November 2.

In April, they begin booking 1,500 storefronts in distressed malls all across the nation. Malls love 'em—Spirit Halloween pays a 20% to 30% premium to use commercial space in a short-term contract.

In July, they hire 50,000 seasonal retail associates. Their inventory is bulk shit from China that gives the impression of scarcity (if Reddit is to be believed) because instead of passing along unsold merchandise to liquidators, they trash it all, actually breaking animatronics so potential customers can't dumpster dive.

Here's something hilarious: Spirit Halloween runs its own dodgy charity called "Spirit of the Children." Customers become hostages at checkout: Don't you want to contribute to the poor unfortunate children??? They could donate their unsold merchandise to their own charity, right? But they don't. And, of course, the charity is a tax write-off.

This is capitalism at its end-stagiest.

And it's an environmental issue as well because when that plastic unsold merchandise is trashed, it ends up in landfills.



In 2023, Halloween was a $12.2 billion industry. And Spirit Halloween has played a significant role in turning Halloween into a mega-retail event because there is a ripple effect: Even if you don't buy from them, you see those inflatable Frankenstein monsters on your neighbors' lawns, and you start thinking, Well, I gotta buy something...

And it's an industry that's comparatively immune to online competition because you don't know how you want to decorate your lawn until you see the perfect thing, right? You want inspiration, so you've got to look around.

Sales at Spirit Halloween didn't even dip during the COVID pandemic.



One other interesting (to me at least) thing of note:

Bad TV is my comfort food. Not on a television—I don't own one—but on my computer.

In particular, I'm a big, big fan of the various Law & Order franchises.

The new seasons have started!!!

And you know, I have Issues with Law & Order SVU, particularly with Olivia's creepy kid Noah and the way they keep trying to push a starcrossed romance with Stabler (Christopher Meloni was so much more attractive before he started taking steroids when he still had hair.)

But I was very pleased to see that Dick Wolfe made ICE the Big Bad in the opening episode of the new season.

Because this is actually how attitudes change. Not through protests! Not through Facebook posts! Certainly not through letter or telephone campaigns to your useless Congressional representatives.

But when your favorite TV character stares directly into the camera and says, ICE. BAD.

Kudos, Dick Wolfe!

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