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My Selfless Service
Jan. 6th, 2023 11:42 amBecause I am completely selfless, I spent this morning reading through every single piece The Daily Mail and Page Six have published on Prince Harry’s forthcoming autobiography just so you won’t have to! (Hey! LJ friendship is a sacred trust! I take it seriously.)
Here’s what I’ve learned:
• Harry is circumcised
• Harry’s circumcised todger got frostbitten in Antarctica
• Harry is proud of being less bald than William
• Harry thinks William is his arch-nemesis
• Harry was one of those kids who would have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge if another kid told him to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
• Harry has killed 25 Afghanis.
• Harry will be spending $19,999,000 of his reported $20 million advance on enhanced security (okay, okay, this was not a Daily Mail story, merely an intelligent surmise)
• Harry communes regularly with Diana’s ghost
• In his spare time, Harry likes to drive through the tunnel where Diana reminded the world that no car can sustain a really massive front-end collision and protect lovers in the back seat unless they're wearing their seat belts
• William broke a dog bowl by throwing Harry on top of it.
• Harry thinks Camilla is a wicked stepmother
• Never try to borrow Kate’s lip gloss
• Never try to hug William when you first meet him
In other news:
It was dark and horrible yesterday, so even though it was a comparatively warmish 40°—this is the dead of winter, after all—I could not bring myself to go tromping through the dark, dripping forest.
So, instead, I drove up to Rhinebeck to snag a follow-up Xmas gift for Lew-and-Ed, buy hazelnut truffles, and take Art Photos™. (Ed covets the gift I sent to Lew! I thought I’d send him his own.)
Rhinebeck is just such a cute little town!
I just love the way that the town graveyard is right in the middle of the CVS parking lot!!
And, of course, I had to spend a significant amount of time in the World’s Greatest Art Supply Store:
And look at dead Christmas decorations:
I am in A Mood, which is partly because of the weather, but partly because I am coming off a two-month diet of edibles.
TaxBwana Season is about to start, and I think it’s morally irresponsible to deal with other people’s finances when I am—ahem!—impaired, however cheerful said impairment keeps me.
###
In this morning’s text fest with Neighbor Ed, Neighbor Ed told me all about his previous evening: I had a beer last night with a guy who thought it would please me to know about another friend of his who is Jewish. He kept talking about his Jewish friend! He would not shut up! WHY did he do that?
Anti-Semitism, I texted back. Did you show him your forelocks? That’s what he really wanted to see!
But I mean that’s crazy! Neighbor Ed texted. I just wanted to shoot the shit over the Speaker election.
He wanted you to be part of his liberal education, I rejoined. Just think of how hard it must be for BLACK people.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
• Harry is circumcised
• Harry’s circumcised todger got frostbitten in Antarctica
• Harry is proud of being less bald than William
• Harry thinks William is his arch-nemesis
• Harry was one of those kids who would have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge if another kid told him to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
• Harry has killed 25 Afghanis.
• Harry will be spending $19,999,000 of his reported $20 million advance on enhanced security (okay, okay, this was not a Daily Mail story, merely an intelligent surmise)
• Harry communes regularly with Diana’s ghost
• In his spare time, Harry likes to drive through the tunnel where Diana reminded the world that no car can sustain a really massive front-end collision and protect lovers in the back seat unless they're wearing their seat belts
• William broke a dog bowl by throwing Harry on top of it.
• Harry thinks Camilla is a wicked stepmother
• Never try to borrow Kate’s lip gloss
• Never try to hug William when you first meet him
In other news:
It was dark and horrible yesterday, so even though it was a comparatively warmish 40°—this is the dead of winter, after all—I could not bring myself to go tromping through the dark, dripping forest.
So, instead, I drove up to Rhinebeck to snag a follow-up Xmas gift for Lew-and-Ed, buy hazelnut truffles, and take Art Photos™. (Ed covets the gift I sent to Lew! I thought I’d send him his own.)
Rhinebeck is just such a cute little town!
I just love the way that the town graveyard is right in the middle of the CVS parking lot!!
And, of course, I had to spend a significant amount of time in the World’s Greatest Art Supply Store:
And look at dead Christmas decorations:
I am in A Mood, which is partly because of the weather, but partly because I am coming off a two-month diet of edibles.
TaxBwana Season is about to start, and I think it’s morally irresponsible to deal with other people’s finances when I am—ahem!—impaired, however cheerful said impairment keeps me.
###
In this morning’s text fest with Neighbor Ed, Neighbor Ed told me all about his previous evening: I had a beer last night with a guy who thought it would please me to know about another friend of his who is Jewish. He kept talking about his Jewish friend! He would not shut up! WHY did he do that?
Anti-Semitism, I texted back. Did you show him your forelocks? That’s what he really wanted to see!
But I mean that’s crazy! Neighbor Ed texted. I just wanted to shoot the shit over the Speaker election.
He wanted you to be part of his liberal education, I rejoined. Just think of how hard it must be for BLACK people.
