My Selfless Service

[mallorys_camera]

Because I am completely selfless, I spent this morning reading through every single piece The Daily Mail and Page Six have published on Prince Harry’s forthcoming autobiography just so you won’t have to! (Hey! LJ friendship is a sacred trust! I take it seriously.)

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Harry is circumcised
• Harry’s circumcised todger got frostbitten in Antarctica
• Harry is proud of being less bald than William
• Harry thinks William is his arch-nemesis
• Harry was one of those kids who would have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge if another kid told him to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
• Harry has killed 25 Afghanis.
• Harry will be spending $19,999,000 of his reported $20 million advance on enhanced security (okay, okay, this was not a Daily Mail story, merely an intelligent surmise)
• Harry communes regularly with Diana’s ghost
• In his spare time, Harry likes to drive through the tunnel where Diana reminded the world that no car can sustain a really massive front-end collision and protect lovers in the back seat unless they're wearing their seat belts
• William broke a dog bowl by throwing Harry on top of it.
• Harry thinks Camilla is a wicked stepmother
• Never try to borrow Kate’s lip gloss
• Never try to hug William when you first meet him



In other news:

It was dark and horrible yesterday, so even though it was a comparatively warmish 40°—this is the dead of winter, after all—I could not bring myself to go tromping through the dark, dripping forest.

So, instead, I drove up to Rhinebeck to snag a follow-up Xmas gift for Lew-and-Ed, buy hazelnut truffles, and take Art Photos™. (Ed covets the gift I sent to Lew! I thought I’d send him his own.)

Rhinebeck is just such a cute little town!

I just love the way that the town graveyard is right in the middle of the CVS parking lot!!



And, of course, I had to spend a significant amount of time in the World’s Greatest Art Supply Store:



And look at dead Christmas decorations:



I am in A Mood, which is partly because of the weather, but partly because I am coming off a two-month diet of edibles.

TaxBwana Season is about to start, and I think it’s morally irresponsible to deal with other people’s finances when I am—ahem!—impaired, however cheerful said impairment keeps me.

###

In this morning’s text fest with Neighbor Ed, Neighbor Ed told me all about his previous evening: I had a beer last night with a guy who thought it would please me to know about another friend of his who is Jewish. He kept talking about his Jewish friend! He would not shut up! WHY did he do that?

Anti-Semitism, I texted back. Did you show him your forelocks? That’s what he really wanted to see!

But I mean that’s crazy! Neighbor Ed texted. I just wanted to shoot the shit over the Speaker election.

He wanted you to be part of his liberal education, I rejoined. Just think of how hard it must be for BLACK people.

Comments

[asakiyume]

I saw something somewhere about that book--maybe when I was waiting in line at the supermarket--and the thing I wondered was, Why do those siblings hate each other so much? (Or at least why does Harry hate William?)

I mean, I know blood family is the luck of the draw. You can end up not liking a sibling, I suppose even hating one. But ... well anyway, I wonder why in Harry's case. But my idle curiosity is not strong enough for me to investigate in any way.

What an uncomfortable place to get frostbite!

25 people. That's a lot. I wonder if that's average or high or low for if you're in a war. I guess it depends. Like whoever dropped Little Boy killed a whole huge lot of people. But I guess that's not the same as you-had-them-in-your-sights-one-at-a-time-and-pulled-the-trigger. Whoa, this is an awful train of thought; I'm going to pull up for air.

After experimenting with edibles I've found my perfect dose, and it makes me feel so friendly and affable. But it does make me stupid, too, so I see why it would be a bad idea for tax duty.

How unpleasant for poor Neighbor Ed -_-

[mallorys_camera]

25 people.

Someone over on LJ remarked, I guess we're lucky he didn't have them stuffed and mounted.. Which made me laugh.

I have half-siblings, but I didn't grow up with them, so I don't really know anything about sibling relationships. My own two kids have a relationship that's vaguely reminiscent of the William/Harry dynamic in that the older one was so good at everything growing up that the younger one felt compelled to become the family fuckup—it was the only vacant position. 😀. As a parent, it's very hard to watch that dynamic. But I really wasn't sure what to do about it.

Anyway, they're both successful now, as I would measure success, and seem close. So in the end, it all worked out.

[asakiyume]

Anyway, they're both successful now, as I would measure success, and seem close. --That last part! They seem close! That's a gift. Harry and William are how old now? Thirty something?** Harry should at least have reached the don't-give-a-fuck stage, even if he's never going to reach the seem-close stage. But when the world lets you publish your memoirs as you're still working things out, then you end up showing everyone your emotional baggage and your juvenile shit and your horrific shit, and maybe you'll actually work things out and get around to being a functioning and fairly decent person, but if you've put all that other stuff out there, then it follows you around like a bunch of tin cans attached to a just-married car.

**Wow, just googled and William is 40.

[mallorys_camera]

it follows you around like a bunch of tin cans attached to a just-married car.

Right. If I were William, I would never speak to Harry again. Never!

Because William can't address the family dysfunction in public. And Harry knows it.

Of course, I am of a singularly grudge-holding disposition. 😀

[lethe1]

So Kate is not the sharing type?

*drools over the art supply pic*
Did you also spend a significant amount of money there, or only time? (In which case, no harm done.)

[mallorys_camera]

Kate may well be the sharing type, but c'mon? Lip gloss? I wouldn't share my lip gloss, either. Or my toothbrush. It's kinda like French kissing someone, no? 😀

I did not spend a significant amount of money at the World's Greatest Art Supply store this time. But I have many times in the past.

[gale_storm]

Has anyone installed a sign over that CVS graveyard, saying, “This is what happens when you don’t take your pills!”? Heh!!

Ooooooh, “World’s Greatest Art Supply Store”… *whimper* I miss going to places like that and, of course, having the energy to do things with what followed me home.

[mallorys_camera]

You are so brave.

You are an inspiration. ❤️

[gale_storm]

I don’t feel that way at all. Pissed off at nature, mostly.

[mallorys_camera]

I know you don't. You're human, after all.

But regardless of whether you feel it or not, you are.