Agita

[mallorys_camera]

Day 6 without a functioning furnace.

The space heater keeps the Patrizia-torium at 65°, which is what I would set the thermostat at if the furnace was working, so I am in no danger of freezing to death.

Mostly, I feel humiliated by my own powerlessness in this situation.

Iggy is a monstrously self-absorbed creep, and the thought that he has power over me is absolutely galling.

He’s not being malicious per se. It’s just clear my needs & comfort are not important to him in the slightest. I do not matter! I’m a piece of lint.

This is an awful reality to live with. That someone who owes me—not me as a unique individual but anyone who enters into this sort of contract—a duty of care and then can blatantly ignore that duty of care without repercussions underscores how cruel the world is and how absolutely insignificant I am.

Being reminded of one’s own insignificance can be helpful from time to time. But having your face shoved into it is merely depressing.

I did call Ulster County Legal Aid Services this morning to see what my options are. I am waiting for a call back.

In the meantime, I have a shitload of work to do, so I must ramp down the agita and get to it.

Comments

[suzannareads]

That’s an awful situation to be in. We had something similar happen four winters ago in the condo where we lived, and our then-landlord wanted us to arrange furnace repair. We ended up calling his realtor, who told the landlord he absolutely couldn’t do that, and we ended up in a hotel for a few nights.

[mallorys_camera]

Yeah, it was an awful situation to be in. I actually wonder why no politician in this country runs on a platform of renters' rights. It's renters don't matter to anyone.

[suzannareads]

Yes, I thought about that a lot too when we were applying for disaster relief after our fire losses. There was so much emphasis on homeowners rebuilding in the community, and renters don’t have a right to live anywhere, apparently.

Glad you have heat again. Sending warm thoughts your way!

[rebeccmeister]

This is reminding me of an older episode of This American Life that I believe is called "The Super," about apartment building superintendents. The thing that stuck with me was a longtime Super pointing out that no matter how friendly one might get with the building residents, at the end of the day, it's a business relationship.

My sister says she would really love to live in some sort of commune/community. I believe her, but remain skeptical of all of the pragmatics involved, as we can see based on the number of communes that have successfully persisted long-term. Since she's family, I could see winding up in some sort of Old Witch living arrangement with her after a certain point. So the good news is you have family, too. And you should feel no qualms about being very clear with Iggy that there are specific terms to the business arrangement he has with you.

[mallorys_camera]

I've listened to that This American Life episode! 😀

Communes are different from cohousing situations. In my mind, at least, communes are typically organized around some ideological mission, and yes, they do strive for longevity.

I just like living around other people. Sympatico people, though! You might not know this from reading my journal, but IRL, I'm easy-going, and I get along well with most people—-provided they operate on the assumption of good faith. But I don't actually need to agree with them about political or social stuff.

[rebeccmeister]

Ha, the critical stipulation, "provided they operate on the assumption of good faith."

Sadly, all too often this criterion can't be met. But now I wonder: is the current situation better, worse, or just different from the deteriorating circumstances of where you'd lived previously? Like, does it seem at all possible that your current 'lord might be brought around to understanding that this sort of neglect is appalling? Or does it just add to what you've already observed so far in other arenas, to the point that it becomes a dealbreaker?

[mallorys_camera]

No, Iggy will never accept accountability for his own appalling behavior. His kids' mother tells me that when the kids were young & they were visiting him, he would leave them alone in the apartment for long stretches of time, & there was never any food in the house. She took him to court, and for a while, he could only have supervised visits with the kids. This wasn't out of malice or cruelty. He is simply so self-involved that it would never occur to him that he had a responsibility toward his kids that he was neglecting.

In terms of the future tenability of my present living situation, there are a lot of things I like about it. Iggy is not one of them! But even when Iggy is in residence, I can minimize my interactions with him and fall back on cheery, vacant smiles & saying, "Oh, really?" whenever he attempts conversation. It's one of the reasons why I didn't want to act furious with him during the non-functioning furnace. I didn't want to have to live in a war zone.

Had Linda, my previous landllady, not developed dementia, I would have continued living there quite happily. But her dementia was progressing rapidly. And she refused to acknowledge she was compromised (though I'm quite sure she was aware that she was.) And I began fearing she would leave the burners on & burn down the house. Also, she had begun accusing me of stealing things from her when she couldn't remember what she'd done with them. So, it felt like a situation I needed to extract myself.

I don't know which situation is better or worse. Linda's was a bit more like my co-housing ideal because she rented to a constant stream of Culinary Institute students, & they were always fun to hang out with.

[bleodswean]

UGH. P. I've been following this and feeling just so outraged, but until today you sounded pretty darned pragmatic. But yes, this has gone on too long with zero concern and you've been astonishingly good-natured about it. Even a reduction in this month's rent doesn't equal out the comfort issue and the emotional toll.

[mallorys_camera]

Ohhhhh, you are perceptive, E! Yes, yesterday was the day I gave into despair. Fortunately, it was also the day the heating oil got delivered & I talked to a lawyer and opened a file on Iggy. Next time he fucks up like this, I will sue him in civil court.

[halfmoon_mollie1]

well, would it make you feel better to know that there is hideous white stuff falling out of the sky here and in places between us, they received 75 inches?

nah, probably not.

[smokingboot]

Yup. He's an arse.

[mallorys_camera]

Total prick.

[lookfar2]

Well I guess you know why he's divorced, though of course there are many possible reasons. Legal Aid is a good option, and if it were me, I'd also communicate to him, "Gosh, I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'm investigating my legal options about not having heat in my rental. I'll let you know what penalties might accrue for you."

[mallorys_camera]

No, that wouldn't work with Iggy. He'd find some pretext to evict me if I went that route, & I'm not prepared to move at present. He's really vindictive and convinced that he is never wrong. A bit of the Donald Trump mentality! 😀

I had a very good conversation with the lawyer & opened up a case file on him with Ulster County—-which he won't know about until he does something again, in which case I will sue him in civil court for pain & suffering.