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Because I don’t have enough in my life that’s half started and never finished, I began writing a fantasy story last night based on a true life premise: Every time I drive from Freeville to Dryden, my odometer reads 3.3 miles. But every time I drive from Dryden to Freeville, my odometer reads 3.0 miles. What happens to that one-third of a mile, huh?

Freeville is the little hamlet in which I live, haunted by the ghosts of gristmills and sawmills and grainmills and asheries and distilleries and cattle and sheep and horses that by 1824, even before the coming of the railroads, had driven its human population up to 5,000. Today, its population numbers around 200. It has a post office. I suppose that’s why it’s still on the map.

Freeville also has a physical therapy office, an upscale building supplies store, two café, an ice cream stand and an auto repair garage. No grocery stores though. If you want to eat what you cook, you have to drive to Dryden. Dryden is named for John Dryden, a 17th century English poet and translator of The Aenead. I wanted to say it is the only American village named after a writer, but of course there’s Twain Harte in the central Sierra Nevada that’s named after two plus Homers too numerous to count.

Dryden has a lovely little library that was in possession of a letter written by Abraham Lincoln on the occasion of his second inauguration. (I suppose I could count all those places named “Lincoln” as places named after a writer. I don’t though.) In 2009, the library sold the Lincoln letter at auction for $3.44 million and built an extension – reopening the Ohio quarry, defunct for many years, that had provided the original sandstone and the original architect’s plans.

Next door to the library is a very strange house – or rather a set of outbuildings built around a central residence in that Italianate style with elaborate corbels and a belvedere.

My daily bike ride usually consists of riding to Dryden and back. Yesterday I had to return some library books. As I was putting them in the slot, the woman who lives in the Italianate house smiled at me and waved me over.

“I want to show you what I’ve done with the house!” she announced. “See? I’ve renamed it!”

Copperplate script crawled across the belvedere: Village Reader Inn.

“Is it really an inn?”

“Well, I don’t know yet,” the woman said. “I’ll see what my tenants say.” She was younger than me, rather pretty in a sharp-featured way. “But do you see what I did with the G?”

“Yes,” I said. “You made it into a heart.”

“Not quite a heart,” she said. “It is a symbol. I was hoping you’d recognize it.”

“Uh – I don’t.”

“No? Neither do I. I was hoping you could tell me whether it was Native American or you know, maybe Celtic.”

“Or maybe even Sanskrit,” I said. “Sorry. I can’t.”

“Well, I need to show you this,” she said. And took me by the hand – quite literally – and marched me over to an enormous oak tree dominating one side of the property. There was a hole in the tree’s trunk.

“The moon is waning,” the woman said. “Three quarters full. Bright as silver in the sky. And I was out last night watching the fireflies and I wandered over to this tree – it’s an impressive tree, don’t you think?”

“Yes, indeed,” I said. “It looks like the enchanted tree that the woodcutter’s son refuses to cut down – thus jumpstarting the fairytale.”

“But the way the moon shone on this hole – try to imagine it! Try to see what I saw!”

All I could do really was shake my head. Who was this woman? I am constantly running into people who know me though I don’t know them. Even here in Ithaca –people who knew me in California. They greet me by name, they ask me how I got here, they insist on exchanging phone numbers – I give them mine with one digit off and throw away theirs as soon as possible. If I don’t remember them, I figure there’s got to be a reason. I have a pretty terrible memory if it comes to that – one reason why I’m such an obsessive journal keeper – and at various times in my life, most recently as a storekeeper, have met a lot of people on a superficial basis.

As if reading my mind, the woman froze and smiled anxiously into my eyes. “I do know you, don’t I?”

“Well, you look very familiar!” I said heartily.

“And so do you,” she said. “But if I don’t know you, this must seem very odd.”

“Not as odd as you might think,” I said.

“No. You’re clearly the type of person one wants to discuss the universe’s strange connections with. I’m Evenka by the way.”

“I’m Patrizia.”

“Pa-TREATS-ee-uh! Have dinner with us this weekend, Pa-TREATS-ee-uh!”

“Okay,” I said.

In my story, Evenka has something to do with the missing one-third of a mile.

In real life, the missing one-third of a mile didn’t come up.

Still, the encounter was odd enough.
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Very odd – there’s someone in my census-training group who knows me. And I don’t have a clue who she is. She’s a tall rangy blonde with a weathered Appalachian face. Maybe my age, maybe a few years younger. Soft Florida swamp accent. Type of woman I might have been very attracted to, say 20 years ago – that kind of boyish.

“My God, Patrizia,” she said. “Imagine running into you. So you finally got tired of California.”

“Not exactly,” I said. Where the fuck do I know you from? I was thinking. “But, you know. It was time for a change. How did you get here?”

“Oh, you know. I graduated from Cornell. Long time ago. So I decided to come back here.”

I did the right, of course duck thing with my shoulders.

“California’s so crowded now,” she said. “Was out there a couple of months ago. Suburbs as far as the eye could see. Take you an hour to drive 10 miles on those freeways.”

“And what have you been doing?”

“Well, you know, my people got sick. So I went back to take care of them. And then they died. And I was in Nashville. Can’t stay in Nashville.”

“No, you certainly can’t stay in Nashville,” I said brightly.

“I do this, I do that. And now I do census.” She grinned at me. Beautiful teeth, I thought. Since my own teeth are in such bad shape these days, that’s often the first thing I notice when I look at someone – teeth.

Still. She put the Fear in me. Partly because though I was searching desperately, my brain didn’t have a single reference hook to hang her on. I’ve always had a lousy memory, of course: it’s one of the reasons why I’m such an obsessive diarist. If I write it down, I remember it; if I don’t write it down, I forget. It’s kind of an odd thing but it’s always been that way for me, perhaps some kind of dissociative survival mechanism left over from my brutal childhood. I exist in a present tense.

But also the driftiness of this woman disturbed me, her marginalization. The Ghost of the Christmas Present or perhaps footsteps on my grave. Please God, please, I found myself praying. I don’t want to be like her.

In other news I’m reading the definitive Dorothy Parker bio – talk about your sad lives.

And B did not turn up last night. I was glad on my account – I am keeping odd hours since I am essentially working three jobs now to make sure RTT and I make it out to California for Max’s Stanford graduation. I don’t bear him any active malice so long as our lives don’t intersect. In fact I was thinking yesterday for the first time in ever so long, I was feeling happy – beautiful spring day; great masses of tulips blooming everywhere; interesting people at the census training; when I put something down in the kitchen, it stays where I put it and I don’t have to spend twenty minutes searching frantically for it because somebody picked it up to use it and forgot where he put it down.

I think more than anything else with B, it was not his fucked up behavior per se so much as the uncertainty factor. I was always wondering: what horrible thing will he do next? That kind of thinking turns the future tense into a minefield.

If Robin was upset by B’s absence, he didn’t show it. I cooked an elaborate dinner and took Milo for a long twilight tramp. Tiny violets in the grass, a herd of white-tailed deer. Afterwards, RTT and I watched Repo Man. The “plate of shrimp” scene still holds up.

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