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My Tri-State Killing Spree With Heavy Dee
Feb. 7th, 2007 03:06 pmBecause ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
justpat asked...
When she swaggered for the first time through the doors of the store, she looked familiar. Maybe it was all that Jerry Springer. Maybe my mother forgot to tell me about the time I got kidnapped by a six foot, 290 pound bull dagger with missing front teeth and black leather chaps, and this was the closest I was ever going to come to recovered memories.
"What's the hottest thing you got in this place?" she leered.
Me, baby I wanted to leer back.
"What the fuck you staring at?" she asked. "You a little Dutch boy? Wanna put your finger in a dyke? Heavy Dee don't play that game." She stuck a pretzel in a tiny cup of Blair's Megadeath, sucked it dry and laughed. "You call this hot?" She spat on the floor.
"I have hotter things," I said softly. "Behind the counter."
"Oh, you do, do you?" she said, taking in my breasts in that unfortunate sweater I'd stuck in the washer on the hot-hot-hot cycle even though the garment tag strictly instructed cold-cold-cold. "But see, the way this game is played you do something for Mama then Mama does something for you. Maybe."
Later I learned it was Vacaville where Heavy Dee learned about hot sauce. You can only sleep twenty hours a day for so long.
In its continuing mission to offer rehabilitation and deterrence to the felons of its great state, the California Department of Corrections provides extensive vocational training. Most of the inmates opt for cosmetology or instruction in the manufacture of artificial limbs and dentures. But Heavy Dee was good in the kitchen – she'd copped a double deuce on fraud and attempted murder after she sliced the dick off her girlfriend's baby, floating it so convincingly in a half-opened can of Hormel's chili that the FDA shut the company's canning operations down for ten whole days.
"Little cocksucker wouldn't shut its yap," she told me. "Shutting their yaps is something little cocksuckers gotta learn early. Otherwise they grow up to be politicians or prison guards. I figured Little Larry had better career options as Little Laurie."
tbc...
justpat asked...When she swaggered for the first time through the doors of the store, she looked familiar. Maybe it was all that Jerry Springer. Maybe my mother forgot to tell me about the time I got kidnapped by a six foot, 290 pound bull dagger with missing front teeth and black leather chaps, and this was the closest I was ever going to come to recovered memories.
"What's the hottest thing you got in this place?" she leered.
Me, baby I wanted to leer back.
"What the fuck you staring at?" she asked. "You a little Dutch boy? Wanna put your finger in a dyke? Heavy Dee don't play that game." She stuck a pretzel in a tiny cup of Blair's Megadeath, sucked it dry and laughed. "You call this hot?" She spat on the floor.
"I have hotter things," I said softly. "Behind the counter."
"Oh, you do, do you?" she said, taking in my breasts in that unfortunate sweater I'd stuck in the washer on the hot-hot-hot cycle even though the garment tag strictly instructed cold-cold-cold. "But see, the way this game is played you do something for Mama then Mama does something for you. Maybe."
Later I learned it was Vacaville where Heavy Dee learned about hot sauce. You can only sleep twenty hours a day for so long.
In its continuing mission to offer rehabilitation and deterrence to the felons of its great state, the California Department of Corrections provides extensive vocational training. Most of the inmates opt for cosmetology or instruction in the manufacture of artificial limbs and dentures. But Heavy Dee was good in the kitchen – she'd copped a double deuce on fraud and attempted murder after she sliced the dick off her girlfriend's baby, floating it so convincingly in a half-opened can of Hormel's chili that the FDA shut the company's canning operations down for ten whole days.
"Little cocksucker wouldn't shut its yap," she told me. "Shutting their yaps is something little cocksuckers gotta learn early. Otherwise they grow up to be politicians or prison guards. I figured Little Larry had better career options as Little Laurie."
tbc...
