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As it turns out, I'm going up to Syracuse next weekend instead of this. Which is fine by me since I have about eight billion things to do plus I'm deep in the middle of the extraordinarily engrossing The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls' memoir about the worst childhood in the history of mankind on this planet.

I also need to finish my comic book prototype by Thursday's Big meeting with the Reverend Cal Cooley so I can beg the necessary funding to get it published. My operating budget at this point consists of the $147 in cash donations Jeremy and I took in during last month's food drive. There was some debate over whether this was an entirely honest transaction given that the people donating those crumpled ones and fives thought they were providing Thanksgiving Baskets for Poughkeepsie's Least Fortunate Families (Reverend Cal's rhetoric, not mine), but in fact, I'd made a point of talking up the food cart business in the one-sheeters I papered the supermarket with, so from my perspective at least, I was upfront about what I intended to use the cash for.

One hundred and forty-seven dollars, however, isn't gonna pay for publishing that comic book. Gonna have to pitch the right Reverend C for the additional costs.

Without any of my art supplies, and knowing my budget would probably constrain me to black and white, this is the type of artwork I came up with:


comic

Ancient Rapidograph on a very old drawing pad.

In case you can't tell, the miscreant on the left is conducting a drug deal while the guy on the right is getting an A on his midterm (with the support and guidance of our wonderful youth program, of course!) For propaganda purposes, I figured it was better to make the kid peddling drugs white.

The Glass Castle is a fabulous book by the way, which completely deserves its more-or-less permanent residence on the New York Times bestseller list. It out-Mary Karrs Mary Karr! Its closest analog might be Dodie Smith's great, underrated novel I Capture the Castle, which beneath its Gothic veneer is a terrific look at the instinct to survive and thrive even amidst the worst kind of squalor.

Walls' parents are so monstrously self-absorbed and neglectful, so completely lacking in protective instincts, that one almost has to assume their four children's upbringing was some sort of bizarre social experiment. If so, it had a 75 % success rate. The oldest daughter becomes a successful illustrator; Jeannette first becomes a successful celebrity gossip columnist and then goes on to write a mega-bestseller; the only boy becomes a detective in the NYC police department.

There is one casualty: the youngest Walls daughter, Maureen. She gets diagnosed as a schizophrenic, though one suspects what she is really suffering from is severe post-traumatic stress disorder.

I almost want to write a Young Adult novel about the four Walls children, stranded in that ghastly hole in West Virginia with their two brilliant, monstrously self-absorbed parents. A magical Young Adult novel where they find an ancient coin that grants them wishes like the kids in those Edgar Eager novels I devoured last week.

###


I'm also mildly peeved with a guy I've been seeing who's been sending me these emails: Can't wait to get you in bed again! And I'm thinking, Really? Why would he think this would appeal to me more than, Gee, you really are an interesting person with fascinating opinions about "The Glass Castle," and I can't wait to hang out with you again.

Kind of like the courtship phase, dinner, interesting conversations and pleasant activities, ends when you sleep with them. After that, the relationship is about sex.

Sex is okay. But you know what? Sex without love is actually rather boring. I mean, yes, you have orgasms. So what? I can have orgasms with my vibrator. And then I can read!

I've slept with two new guys in the past month, and in both cases it was pleasant enough but I can't imagine that my sexual expertise is really at such a high level that it leaves them gibbering. Yet, gibber they do. I don't know what that's all about.

One guy – not the emailer – actually showed up here unannounced in Poughkeepsie earlier this week.

"Can I come up?" he said glancing eagerly at the ramshackle house where I live.

"Uh – no you can't," I said. "Sorry. My landlady is a Pentecostal minister. She disapproves of gentlemen callers."

"Well, then, can I take you out?"

I was tempted to say, Sorry, I have to wash my hair, but instead I said gently, "Not a good idea."

He scowled. I suppose he saw his behavior as an impulsive, romantic gesture, but I just thought it was stalkerish. Which just kind of verified my initial take that all along, in our respective minds, we'd been starring in two very different types of movie.
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Although it practically took place in the backyard, I managed to avoid the second debate. This whole Presidential election cycle is becoming more and more like a middle school cafeteria food fight every time I look.

I won't say that Obummer and Romney answer to the same Masters. Romney's Masters are old white men in a temple in Salt Lake City.

The current President of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, one Thomas Monson, is actually quite moderate and middle-of-the-roadish on most political and social issues – always excepting gay marriage. That's why Harry Reid, also bound by the Mormon tether, is allowed to scamper so far to the left.

But I will say that Obummer and Paul Ryan answer to the same Masters. And if you don't believe me, just take a look at the resumes of Obummer's economic advisory team, the various corporations whose advisory boards they sit upon.

There are clear differences in energy policy. Obummer doesn't seem to realize that alternative energy doesn't work as a mass solution unless you build some kind of grid to distribute it. And in the meantime, the U.S. needs access to its own oil reserves so that suckers commuters can get to and from their jobs without spending all their discretionary income on gas. 'Cause obviously they should be spending it on Kim Kardashian and Honey Boo Boo-themed consumer products.

There are also clear differences in proposals for tax reform. It amazes me that no one is calling the Romney tax plan a flat tax, because that's what it looks like to me. Funny, when Jerry Brown first proposed a flat tax back in the 1970s, it was considered radical leftyism.

###


In other news, I've been feeling a little angsty, which I attribute to the change in seasons. Cassandra's right – most of the trees here don't turn red and orange, instead they desaturate slowly, a kind of ghostly, Gerard Manley Hopkins-ish effect. (Margaret, are you grieving… Over goldengrove unleaving…)

The angst translates as a feeling akin to loneliness, although I'm not lonely. Cassandra and Allan, the two people I hang out with the most often, are both excellent conversationalists and good company. So is Rutger, actually, in his pawkish way. I occasionally go to the movies with Deborah, a nutty Israeli woman who lives nearby, and on Saturday I ventured out to the theater with the Dom – a fun expedition with an almost comically disappointing follow-up.

We saw the Roundabout Theater's production of Cyrano De Bergerac. The actors who played Cyrano and the Comte de Guigne were very good; the others, not so good. Still, it was fun. Afterwards we grabbed a bite to eat at a tapas place. We got along quite well, and I had fun.

Next morning, though, I got this bizarre email from him. I can only imagine that he was pretty stoned when he wrote it. My ardor for you has cooled, he wrote. Tell me how much you want me.

Huh?

Like I give a fuck whether he feels ardor for me or not. I put in my time as an objet du ardour, and lemme tell you, that gig is exhausting. If this is his recruitment tactic for the BDSM harem, I'd say it lacks finesse. The girls who sign on for the tour of duty must be pretty desperate.

Funny thing is that I actually liked the Dom up to that email, found him rather attractive and in the normal course of things, would probably have ended up sleeping with him.

So it's probably a very good thing he wrote that note.

###


Max and I occasionally text each other photos, and yesterday while I was out walking, he texted me a picture of the Emeryville Public Market. I remember you used to work here and Grandma Lynn would take me here to play video games. Oh, that photo brought back memories! So funny. I found being the mother of youngish children so difficult while it was happening. It seemed like I was trapped in a present tense that was never going to change. Time went so slowly. And now that that part of my life is over forever, I can see that really it went way too fast.
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Ben, Robin and the dogs finally hit the road yesterday around 5 in the morning.

And at 6:45am I got The Call: the RV had broken down in Greenfield.

Greenfield!

Warning: very, very, very, very looong. )

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