mallorys_camera | But It Doesn't Slice or Dice

Took me two and a half hours to assemble the exercise bike.

Probably coulda done it an hour except that I forced myself to read through the instruction manual three times because I have never assembled anything before in my life, and I wanted to make sure I was doing it right.

There was one screw left over when I was done. I know exactly where that screw should go: The problem with lifting heavy things with holes in them and fitting them into stationary things with holes in them is that it’s difficult to align all those holes precisely enough so that every screw actually fits through.

Never mind. The bike is absolutely solid even sans that one screw.

Watching me struggle to haul the newly assembled bike up the flight of stairs that leads to the Patrizia-torium, C remarked, “Wow! That thing looks good! You could be a schoolhouse mechanic!”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” L said. “Would you help her get it up the stairs?”

C used to be a schoolhouse mechanic, so I assume his remark was a compliment.

The new exercise bike measures mileage, distance, speed, calories burned, heartrate, and time. It does not slice, dice or make perfect fried chicken with half the fuss. I will write a caustic note to the manufacturer.

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In other news, there’s major pearl-clutching over the news that Amazon has booted Parler off its web-hosting service.

The pearl-clutchers appear to be an interesting alliance of socialist-leaning progressives, libertarians, and MAGA-faithful.

Censorship! these people cry. Big Tech is trying to control us!

Personally, I don’t see how it can possibly be called “censorship” when nobody is trying to stop Rebekah “You Loved Her as Cambridge Analytics; Now Thrill to Her as Free Speech Martyr!” Mercer from moving Parler to one of the many, many Eastern European ISPs.

True, the optics of hosting a Trump-lovin’ bbs in a former Soviet Socialist Republic may not be optimal, but hey! not my problem.

In fact, I’m fairly sure the Donald’s close personal friend Vlad Putin would just love to offer Mercer and company server space.

Fuck these people. Just fuck them.