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mallorys_cameraThe scariest thing to come out of the Charlottesville coverage is this 22-minute documentary from Vice media, which yes, yes, yes, is truly horrifying, but which, at the same time, has this oddly audition-like quality to it as though the Nazis were really trying out for their own reality TV show – think Duck Dynasty with more guns, more hate speech, less facial hair.
Watching it, I couldn’t help wondering: If they’re serious Nazis, why are they letting that feisty girl reporter follow them around? Wouldn’t serious Nazis feel too much contempt for this feisty girl reporter to let her embed? Wouldn’t one of them had taken her aside to deliver a little sermon (which her cameraman would capture on tape): “Your purpose is to breed baby Aryans"?
Obviously, the intent of Cantwell’s chest-thumping and motel-room heat display was to inspire fear.
And it did inspire fear except at the same time, the tiki torches really made me giggle.
Also, as a big fan of the Second Amendment, this documentary made me want to write I told ya so! emails to all the friends with whom I basically agree politically except when it comes to their hysterical denunciations of the Second Amendment.
Call me paranoid, or call me someone who suffers epigenetic PTSD, but since earliest childhood, I’ve had this recurring nightmare about gun-toting soldiers who show up at a family dinner in some undefined but highly familiar time and space (embroidered tablecloth, silver goblet, two loafs of challah.) Come with us, they bark. The other members of my family nervously begin packing suitcases. I’m the member of the family who says, Hell, no. I’m not going anywhere. Just go ahead and shoot me.
But I keep wishing I’d perfected lucid dreaming techniques so I could reach for a piece and take a couple of the storm troopers out with me.
I love the Second Amendment. In fact, I think I'm gonna join the local gun club.
###
If there’s a star of the Vice video, it’s Christopher Cantwell, the alt-right shock jock of a radio show called Radical Agenda who clearly lies about his gym attendance: Cantwell has a gut on him like an albino walrus.
Trayvon Martin radicalized him: “When the Trayvon Martin case happened, and Michael Brown and Tamir Rice and all these different things happened, in every single case, it’s some little black asshole behaving like a savage, and he gets himself in trouble, shockingly enough.”
That “shockingly enough” is straight out of the Rush Limbaugh rhetorical playbook. In fact, Cantwell sounds so much like Rush Limbaugh so that he could take over Rush’s show on those days when Rush might want to take a little oxy holiday.
He’s only spreading ideas, Cantwell tells the foxy blonde Vice reporter, so that somebody more capable than himself will take those ideas and create a movement. That somebody will be someone like Donald Trump but not Donald Trump himself – because Donald Trump gave his daughter to a Jew!
“A lot more racist than Donald Trump,” says Cantwell. I do believe he thinks he’s flirting with the foxy blonde reporter! “I don’t think you could feel about race the way that I do and watch that Kushner bastard walk around with that beautiful girl.”
Could this be the solution to Neo-Nazism we’ve all been looking for?
Clone Ivanka! Or if bioengineering isn’t yet up to this task, reproduce her lady bits in warm, yielding silicon and cram them inside a sex doll.
Stick those Ivanka sestras and Ivanka sex dolls on a traveling bus to 4chanistan!
Alas! Cantwell’s moment in the media high beams as an embodiment of macho was destined to be brief. Yesterday, a new video emerged in which Cantwell blubbered like a baby because he’d discovered that there might be a warrant out for him. He gave out his phone number! I’m not sure whether he wanted the foxy blonde Vice reporter, Ivanka, or the Charlottesville police department to call him.
###
Cantwell does raise a salient point here, though: Exactly where were Mr. and Mrs. Kushner while Der Donald was exchanging coy verbal semaphores with the Neo-Nazi command posts?
I mean Jared Kushner is the grandson of Holocaust survivors. Surely, he can’t be down with slack for neo-Nazis.
Or can he?
What a fuckin' putz.
Watching it, I couldn’t help wondering: If they’re serious Nazis, why are they letting that feisty girl reporter follow them around? Wouldn’t serious Nazis feel too much contempt for this feisty girl reporter to let her embed? Wouldn’t one of them had taken her aside to deliver a little sermon (which her cameraman would capture on tape): “Your purpose is to breed baby Aryans"?
Obviously, the intent of Cantwell’s chest-thumping and motel-room heat display was to inspire fear.
And it did inspire fear except at the same time, the tiki torches really made me giggle.
Also, as a big fan of the Second Amendment, this documentary made me want to write I told ya so! emails to all the friends with whom I basically agree politically except when it comes to their hysterical denunciations of the Second Amendment.
Call me paranoid, or call me someone who suffers epigenetic PTSD, but since earliest childhood, I’ve had this recurring nightmare about gun-toting soldiers who show up at a family dinner in some undefined but highly familiar time and space (embroidered tablecloth, silver goblet, two loafs of challah.) Come with us, they bark. The other members of my family nervously begin packing suitcases. I’m the member of the family who says, Hell, no. I’m not going anywhere. Just go ahead and shoot me.
But I keep wishing I’d perfected lucid dreaming techniques so I could reach for a piece and take a couple of the storm troopers out with me.
I love the Second Amendment. In fact, I think I'm gonna join the local gun club.
###
If there’s a star of the Vice video, it’s Christopher Cantwell, the alt-right shock jock of a radio show called Radical Agenda who clearly lies about his gym attendance: Cantwell has a gut on him like an albino walrus.
Trayvon Martin radicalized him: “When the Trayvon Martin case happened, and Michael Brown and Tamir Rice and all these different things happened, in every single case, it’s some little black asshole behaving like a savage, and he gets himself in trouble, shockingly enough.”
That “shockingly enough” is straight out of the Rush Limbaugh rhetorical playbook. In fact, Cantwell sounds so much like Rush Limbaugh so that he could take over Rush’s show on those days when Rush might want to take a little oxy holiday.
He’s only spreading ideas, Cantwell tells the foxy blonde Vice reporter, so that somebody more capable than himself will take those ideas and create a movement. That somebody will be someone like Donald Trump but not Donald Trump himself – because Donald Trump gave his daughter to a Jew!
“A lot more racist than Donald Trump,” says Cantwell. I do believe he thinks he’s flirting with the foxy blonde reporter! “I don’t think you could feel about race the way that I do and watch that Kushner bastard walk around with that beautiful girl.”
Could this be the solution to Neo-Nazism we’ve all been looking for?
Clone Ivanka! Or if bioengineering isn’t yet up to this task, reproduce her lady bits in warm, yielding silicon and cram them inside a sex doll.
Stick those Ivanka sestras and Ivanka sex dolls on a traveling bus to 4chanistan!
Alas! Cantwell’s moment in the media high beams as an embodiment of macho was destined to be brief. Yesterday, a new video emerged in which Cantwell blubbered like a baby because he’d discovered that there might be a warrant out for him. He gave out his phone number! I’m not sure whether he wanted the foxy blonde Vice reporter, Ivanka, or the Charlottesville police department to call him.
###
Cantwell does raise a salient point here, though: Exactly where were Mr. and Mrs. Kushner while Der Donald was exchanging coy verbal semaphores with the Neo-Nazi command posts?
I mean Jared Kushner is the grandson of Holocaust survivors. Surely, he can’t be down with slack for neo-Nazis.
Or can he?
What a fuckin' putz.
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Date: 2017-08-18 01:25 am (UTC)