Missing Those Goldmines in Ancient Thrace

[mallorys_camera]

So, I spent all day long yesterday thinking bitter, demeaning thoughts about People Who Watch the Superbowl. Until, finally, I took myself in hand: It doesn’t hurt you; it gives them pleasure: What is your problem, girlfriend?

My problem is that I need a vacation.

The $$$ I’m giving to Max was my discretionary Fuck You! travel fund. And work is slow anyway in January/February since corporate clients are scurrying about balancing books and devising tax ploys to shelter as much ill-gained profit as possible.

Even when work is plentiful, it’s b-o-r-i-n-g but occupies just enough of my brain to exhaust my creative imagination.

I keep thinking that’s a discipline problem. Like I could force my creative imagination into gear if only I had sufficient willpower.

And maybe I could.

But willpower’s never been an area of strength for me. No, I’m strictly a Go with the Flow kinda gal. Not me, but the wind that blows through me, etcetera. That kind of garbage. If it's meant to materialize, it will. Magically.

Meanwhile I keep brooding about a life I’ve somehow missed.

What did I do in that life I missed? Well, let’s see… I published many, many novels. I married this absolutely terrific guy who had a mega-successful career but still managed to spend many hours each day absolutely doting on me. Our sex life? Oh, my God. One look at his magnificent transversus abdominis – still perfect and defined though he must be close to 90 now – is enough to catalyze spontaneous orgasm!

I traveled. God, did I travel! I know the lost Kingdom of Mustang like the back of my hand. I helped excavate the goldmines of ancient Thrace, what the peasants now call “Bulgaria.”

This parallel life keeps trying to get my attention. Yoo-hoo! The water’s great!

So, it’s awfully hard to focus on the here and now, the tasks at hand.

My life is actually very pleasant, and it’s not as if I have anything to complain about, really.

But, you know, I’m human. I’m hardwired to complain.

Comments

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

depends on how people are, i suppose but before the physicist richard feynman died of cancer he grew absolutely certain that all the mysteries of science were near being solved. most likely this is because he couldn't bear the thought that there would be more achievements that would happen after he died, that he wouldn't be around to witness it. that probably won't work for you. but i think people do find what they need sometimes, even if it's themselves hoodwinking themselves. maybe you do need a vacation, to go find something else to look at.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Oh, I definitely would benefit from a vacation. :-)

Existence proof

[bb-lurks.livejournal.com]

I kvetch, therefore I am.

Re: Existence proof

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I like it!

[katestine.livejournal.com]

It must be hard trying to do for hobby what you do for pay.

Have I recommended Tierney & Baumeister's Willpower to you yet?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

It must be hard trying to do for hobby what you do for pay.

Yes, that's it exactly. The corporate promotion stuff is what pays. I could give it up, but then I wouldn't have any $$$$ at all for extras.

Even when I was writing investigative journalism, though, which is far more creative and closer to my real voice, it was still difficult to give the fiction the focus it needs. So I am inclined to put the blame on my own flakiness and lack of discipline.

Good book, huh? For right-brainers as well as left-brainers? :-)

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

I know - and worse yet, I can pinpoint many specific times that if I had done/said x instead of y, things would have been shockingly different.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yah. Those critical pathways! They're absolutely the worst for post-game analysis!