The Help, Gwine, and Ray Rice

[mallorys_camera]

The Help is the kind of ventriloquist act that in theory at least makes me deeply uncomfortable: A book about black domestic servants in Kennedy-era Mississippi written partly in dialect by one of the people who was born to boss them around.

I remember first reading Gone With the Wind when I was around ten or so and coming across this dialogue from Mammy: You’s gwine eat every mouthful of this, Miss Scarlett!

What is gwine? I remember thinking. Do people actually talk like that?

Abilene, one of the three point-of-view characters in The Help, is instantly recognizable as one of Mammy’s lineal descendents: I done raised seventeen kids in my lifetime. I know how to get them babies to sleep, stop crying, and go in the toilet bowl before they mamas even get out a bed in the morning.

(How could Kathryn Stockett, the novel’s author, have possibly missed her opportunity to write dem babies, one wonders?)

Thing is The Help is a compelling read. I finished its entire 450 pages in approximately nine hours.

I’m concurrently reading Zadie Smith’s On Beauty, a book that attempts to pull off the opposite sleight of hand since it's partly about white experience as imagined by a black writer. On Beauty is nowhere near as compelling as The Help; I’ve been struggling to read it for at least a week now. I’ll pick it up, read five pages, and put it down. When I pick it up, I forget where I put it down, and read the same five pages again. It has no hooks, you see.

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When I finished The Help, I felt guilty, bloated but also deeply satiated – as though I’d gobbled an entire 12-ounce box of Godiva truffles or something. The story is very satisfying.

The story is also incredibly self-serving: Stockett projects herself into it as the virtuous white girl Skeeter who kickstarts the maids’ liberation from the drudgery of their lives. White folks to the rescue! There’s also a specious equivalency implied between Skeeter’s toil as a writer and Abilene and Minnie’s endless labors scrubbing toilets, polishing silver and ironing sheets. Uh – no, Miss Skeeter. Just no.

On some level, one suspects Stockett understood what she was doing and felt guilty about it because outside of Skeeter, every other white character in the novel is either a buffoon or a monster.

I couldn’t tell you whether The Help is a good book or a bad book. But it did make me speculate about racism and black versus white culture all yesterday afternoon – Define and Conquer, as I like to think of it.

For example: We have Adrian Peterson, a black football player, who apparently administers corporal punishment to his four-year-old son using a wooden spoon.

And we have the Ray Rice wife-beating incident.

Is there a connection?

In the interests of full disclosure, I will confess that I spanked my own children – maybe three times apiece in all – when they were growing up. I much prefer positive reinforcement to negative reinforcement in childrearing, so much so that my entire toilet training regimen consisted of bribing Max and Robin to perform the appropriate body function in the right receptacle. But there are times when nothing’s gonna do it but some well-aimed swats on the tuchus. And I’ll be goddamned if the fucking government is gonna tell me how to discipline my children.

Be that as it may…

Statistics say that African American parents are much more likely to use corporal punishment as a disciplinary measure than are white or Hispanic parents. Interestingly, Asian parents use corporal punishment least of all, but (in my experience at least) have the highest levels of compliance between parental expectations and offspring behaviors.

I’m thinking those statistics are bullshit, and that what you’re actually looking at are regional differences: In the South and parts of the country that are heavily influenced by the South (like, c’mon: Everyone knows that Colorado is really part of Texas, right?) corporal punishment is widely accepted. This may have something to do with the prevalence of fundamentalist religion in these parts: Spare the rod and spoil the child may not be a Bible verse, but it might as well be.

Does this type of corporal punishment work? I mean, obviously in the short term, it’s probably a pretty effective deterrent. One imagines that Adrian Peterson’s four-year-old son will not be feeding graham crackers to the DVD player (or whatever the hell it was he did to incur paternal wrath) again in a hurry.

One can also imagine that he may grow up to punch out his pregnant fiancée in an elevator. Because that type of violence just doesn’t carry the same type of taboo as it does for people for whom physical punishment wasn't a normal part of growing up.

I just don’t know.

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In other news, life continues to be very pleasant indeed. Writing is going well, met up with Cassandra and Allan at the Apple Pie Café yesterday and it was lovely to see them, and BB gave me the keys to his Greenpoint apartment so I will be hanging out in Brooklyn for the next three days.

Comments

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

Way back when, Scientific American had an article on making a matchbox computer that played NIM. The idea was that it was a simple learning computer. You could experiment by increasing reinforcement when the computer made right or wrong moves. To make a long story short, what I learned was that you need both positive and negative reinforcement for maximum learning. Positive reinforcement of winning moves increases the tendency to make right moves, but doesn't help with the tendency to make wrong ones. Negative reinforcement of losing moves decreases the tendency to make wrong moves, but doesn't provide a path to making more right ones. Think of it as carrot and stick - carrot in front of the mule keeps it moving in the right direction, the stick keeps it from straying.

The problem comes in the nature of positive and negative reinforcement. Some people think of it as reward and punishment. This is fine as far as it goes, but punishment is a really broad concept. A simple "No!" might be more effective than a slap on the face, with far fewer unintended consequences. And reward is also often misunderstood. We're just learned, for example, that dogs really, really prefer treats to nice words. So you have to learn to reward and punish in effective ways. To do that, you have to understand who you're working with. Teenagers don't respond to punishment nearly as well as adults - it takes a different and more consistent approach to be effective with them. The same with cats, dogs, horses, and girlfriends ;p

Anyway, I have no problem with spankings, but in context, and with specific goals - not as a go-to negative reinforcement. It shouldn't be necessary very often, but it should be available when parental wisdom says that it's absolutely positively necessary.

I love watching parents (preferably from a distance) who only use positive reinforcement with their brats (and that's why they're brats). They're as ineffective as the people who only use negative reinforcement - you can't do this or you can't do that - no, no, no. Gak.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

That Scientific American article sounds very interesting and more-or-less corresponds with my own experiences as a parent. Like the one time I actually remember spanking one of my kids was when Max, then age two-and-a-half, took off running in the very crowded Seattle airport and I ran after him.

When I caught up with him, I put him over my knee and whomped him.

This was back in 1990 or so.

I'd probably get arrested for doing that now.

But really, what are you supposed to do when a kid endangers himself?

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

A mentor of mine once talked about raising kids like training a mule. He said sometimes you had to hit it with a 2x4 just to get its attention.

He also said that you talked to kids about what they'd done wrong and what they should be doing, explaining it all in great length, then when they weren't looking, whomp them one. He didn't actually practice that - his kids had him wrapped around their little fingers ;p

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Well. Theory often falls far from practice for us breeders. :-)

[robby.livejournal.com]

"Gwine" never threw me, I always assumed it was a different way of saying "gonna" as meaning "going to". The male boys when I grew up, not just in my family , had lots of physical punishment, even in school. Very sexist, because the girls did not. It's a traditional thing, and white families did it as well.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Did you grow up in the San Joaquin Valley? And does your family have Southern roots? Because that, of course, would confirm my theory that corporal punishment attitudes are regional. :-)

[robby.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think it's southern, but traditional. My dad was raised in Oregon. It's confusing because the traditions seem to have survived longer in the south.

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

in my and my family's experience, corporeal punishment in asian families is pretty widespread, as far as within traditions go. asians are pretty compliant as far as fitting in goes, so americanized asians probably hit their children far less than anyone else.

if you watch older tv shows (or tv shows about the past), or read any books from the asian culture, you'll get loving fathers who are very very authoritarian who beat their sons regularly, often to the point of the mother crying and begging him not to. even emperors will dispell corporal punishment to their grown sons (who may have gambling or women problems) because it's their right and duty as a parent. generals will whip their liutenants for doing stupid things that lose face (such as letting a valuable prisoner escape) &c.

as far as raising extended family goes... they will hit even more.

plus asians are pretty wary of outsiders asking them how they treat their children... my mom used to hit us but if you ask her today she will adamently claim that she never ever EVER laid a finger on us. shame is pretty humiliating. so that's probably where compliance from children come from. we learn the value of shame pretty quickly. the family is a unit that stays together no matter what happens internally.

but anyway, that's what i've seen.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Very interesting! I'd always assumed that shame was the primary socializer in Asian families.

The "statistics" I cite come from an NPR story I listened to. Of course, NPR (having a far-left-of-center bias) is adamantly against corporal punishment; it was amusing to hear them try to make it sound as though the majority of Americans are against it, too. In fact, 75% of Americans use corporal punishment at least once in a while. And I can tell you as a parent, there are times you really need to.

And of course these statistics also point out the fact that any statistics that depend upon self-reporting are inherently flawed.

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

is it just me or is the 'asian superior' vibe on a definite upswing. since marco polo, europe has been charmed by the exotic excesses of asian whatever! nowadays it's asian culture is better, asian food is healtier, asian women are sexier and more compliant, asian men are smarter at the maths, so cultured there's no beastile nature... but at the same time, still this animal sexuality that's more genuine. it's pure orentialism again. but i guess the mystique comes from a place on the place with so much people it's got comparatively far more wealth than here, so we see the creme of that crop but none of their poor working in iphone death trap factories.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Nope. Not just you. :-)

Asians are the future. Use yr awesome power for GOOD!!! :-)

[dragonbat2006.livejournal.com]

Spare the rod and spoil the child is taken paraphrased Proverbs 13:24 (Whoso spare the rod hates his child but one who loves his child is careful to discipline him). However to fully get the meaning of the verse, it's helpful to know that in Hebrew, there are several different words for "rod" or staff. The one used here is generally used for a shepherd's staff. And generally speaking, a shepherd's staff? Is used to guide/herd far more often than it is to strike. So, the verse isn't demanding that parents beat their children if they love them; it's probably best translated as "If you don't give your children guidance, (it would appear that) you don't actually love them. If you love them, you set boundaries."

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

That's very interesting! Thank you for commenting.

[cah1470.livejournal.com]

I hated "The Help" it was a book club choice a couple of years ago and the group watched the movie for our gathering that particular month. It's difficult to read the Ebonics/slave speak/authentic hogwash. I am sure I have heard in some form a lot of the slang that's written. I even have a friend from Charleston who speaks Gullah when she is talking to her family but still, the book is a bit much.

The first time I heard the Adrian Peterson story on the radio I didn't think much of it. A lot of my friends and relatives had to pick out their switch a time or two. So my initial reaction was it's none of my business how he chooses to discipline his child. Then I saw the photos of his four year old a few days after the incident. He still had bloody welts from the top of his legs to his ankles. In my mind that crosses the line from punishment to abuse.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I didn't hate The Help, but I would have if I was African American. (And actually, you know, by the picturesque laws of pre-Civil War Louisiana, I am an octaroon! :-) But it would be presumptuous of me to stake any claim on African American culture.)

I winced at the dialect, though. Plus editorially, you know, it did not make sense since Abilene is described throughout the book as being an exceptionally good writer.

As a writer, it posed an interesting dilemma to me: What points of view are available to one as a writer? To what extent can you inhabit them? I suppose this is one reason why I much prefer writing in the third person -- I often write from POVs that are quite different than my own. Of course, one wants verisimilitude. In Stockett's shoes, I would have gone third-person with Abilene.

Interestingly, Minnie -- much less educated -- doesn't use as much "slave speak."

I haven't really followed the Adrian Peterson story too closely. I think mainstream media's attempt to conflate corporal punishment with child abuse is absolute bullshit though.

[cah1470.livejournal.com]

I absolutely agree the media has conflated the story. I heard something I think it was on NPR about brutalizing children and the history of violence and couldn't stop my eyes from rolling. A spanking is just that, most people I know have had a few and we all survived I think. And I honestly just don't feel comfortable with judging or telling someone else what is the right way to discipline or show love to their children. I will say if those photos are real, Adrian definitely crossed the line.

I was actually surprised by how many African American friends enjoyed the book and the movie. I rolled my eyes through both and I thought it was pretty naive of the Skeeter character to assume the "you are brave and wonderful" stuff was authentic. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when those ladies were in their own environment away from people who directly affect their incomes.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I think we heard the same NPR story. Did it end with the Expert descrying the fact that the U.S. hasn't signed some United Nations Rights of the Child treaty? All I could think when I heard that is What the fuck's business is it of the UN how I discipline my kid! You fuckers want to do something? Ban cliterectomies!

Pretty commonplace for adults who were brought up by the hired help to have horrifying stories of childhood abuse. That's why someone invented Nanny Cams. :-)

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! and I was thinking something similar. I guess the U.S. and Somalia? maybe are the only two that haven't signed? I think it's interesting though the polls still show a very strong belief in spanking in the U.S. and that is across the board race wise.

[katestine.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the warning about On Beauty: Nick Hornby liked it, which pushed it up my queue a little.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I didn't say I didn't like On Beauty. I said I was having a hard time being absorbed into it. Which could be me as much as the book.