Mia Farrow and the Summer of 1959

[mallorys_camera]

I'll never forget the summer of 1959. My mother rented a tiny cottage for us close to Lake George where she'd spent summers herself as a child. I remember the strange scrub sand beach surrounded by stunted trees – it was very different from the sandy beaches of Coney Island. I remember, we went to a homey cafe and ate strawberry rhubarb pie. I remember, she taught me how to swim --

Here's where the memory becomes odd because actually, I can't swim --

There are other problems with these memories, too. The events never happened.

I know this because I verified them as an adult. I spent the summer of 1959 as a foundling at a very depressing fresh air camp in Vermont called Daffodil Farms. The son of the camp's owner was in his teens and frequently displayed his penis to me, inviting me to touch it. I have no idea whether I did or not.

These memories are kind of superimposed on my memories of Lake George.

Well, perhaps you got the year wrong. Perhaps the Lake George vacation happened in another year.

But, no – my mother was quite explicit. She would fly into rages, beat me with wire hangers, and afterwards, remorseful in exactly the same way that men who beat their wives are said to be remorseful – Why do you make me do this to you? Why do you make me so angry? -- she would begin rhapsodizing about the wonderful vacation she took me to at Lake George when I was seven. In 1959.

I suppose it's possible the vacation actually happened and she got the dates wrong.

Except that I remember other things that I'm pretty sure never happened too.

And then after she died, when I was going through her stuff, I ran across a 20 page thing she'd written at the height of the nervous breakdown she had when I was 12. The thing was a description of a cross country bus ride we'd taken from New York City to San Francisco. The high point of our trip was a sunrise we watched together over the desert just outside Las Vegas. How beautiful it was to watch the blackness shimmer into pink and gold and purple! I believe we held hands as we beheld the glory of God's sunrise together.

Except this, of course, definitely never happened. When my mother had her breakdown, I was sent to live with Annie and Rik.

I'm not sure to what extent my mother believed the stories she told me. Maybe she came to believe them. Or maybe she believed they embodied a kind of super-reality that superseded everyday, ordinary reality. Reality the way it ought to have been because that's the way she imagined it being.

###

Anyway, I'm sure this is why the whole Woody Allen/Mia Farrow brouhaha – the actual facts of about which I care nothing – has been such a tar baby for me.

I know perfectly well that it's possible to implant memories in a kid's mind. Imaginative children are very porous.

Allen's behavior with Soon-Yi was inappropriate to say the least, and displayed either a buffoonish ignorance of boundaries or a kind of narcissistic entitlement that he should be able to have what he wanted just because he wanted it.

But Farrow is the real viper here as far as I'm concerned. I don't believe for one second that Allen molested Dylan. I think Dylan believes she was molested. I think Farrow manipulated Dylan into believing Dylan was molested.

My narcissistic, histrionic mother implanted memories into my head when I was a child and now those traumas are transferred on to this current event.

Connecting those dots is liberating but the process still makes me sad: Poor little seven-year-old me!

Fortunately, I have a lot of distractions planned for the weekend.

Comments

[grail76.livejournal.com]

http://www.salon.com/2014/02/07/how_we_failed_dylan_farrow_what_weve_learned_since_1992/
http://thedailybanter.com/2014/02/a-child-abuse-investigators-view-of-the-woody-allendylan-farrow-case/

I'm less sure about Woody's innocence and I've been a fan of his films my whole life.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Heh! I haven't liked his movies since he stopped being funny. :-)

[chaotic-nipple.livejournal.com]

... Wouldn't the word "stopped" imply that at some point in the past, he started being funny to begin with?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex is a really, really funny movie.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

the actual facts of about which I care nothing

Then why even have an opinion on what Farrow and Allen might or might not have done?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I wish I didn't have an opinion.

But for the reason I tried to write about here, the case pushes my buttons.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that, but if anything that seems like more reason not to leap to judgment.

A week ago, I didn't have an opinion on this case either. I don't have a personal history of abuse and I'm not a fan of either celebrity. It's solely on the basis of the known facts that I've come to conclude that Allen is most likely guilty. I think it's important to acknowledge this not because I care about what happens to him particularly but because the next time some powerful "well-respected" male celebrity is accused of molesting a child (or just raping an adult (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_v._Strauss-Kahn)), I'd like to see some justice done.

(I think Lisa Duggan's piece in the The Nation (http://www.thenation.com/article/178281/metanarrative-and-woody-allen-sex-abuse-case#) sums up the case for this point of view very well. Jessica Valenti's piece on the consequences of not believing Dylan (http://www.thenation.com/blog/178203/choosing-comfort-over-truth-what-it-means-defend-woody-allen) is also, in my opinion, a must-read for anyone wrestling with the dilemma of two incompatible narratives, each of which seems plausible on its face.)

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

For the record, I don't believe Dylan Farrow was molested. I do freely admit my biases here. I'm one of that allegedly five percent of the population that does have implanted memories, and those memories were implanted by a crazy adult when I was a child. Naturally I think that "five percent" is an underestimate because, you know, how could my experiences possibly be those of an outlier? I mean, they're my experiences! Doesn't that make them the default? :-)

But I've also read the various publications, blog posts etc. And I'm not buying molestation.

I think Dylan Farrow believes she was molested. So, no, she's not lying.

I think it's also possible that Allen behaved inappropriately with her. Allen was a man in his 50s, who had absolutely no experience around children, attempting to be affectionate with a 7 year old child. He reminds me a little of those great uncles I was always being dragged to see that lived on Eastern Parkway while I was growing up. They always smelled funny, they would pinch you hard on the cheek and demand that you kiss them. Was this sexual abuse? I suppose you could make a case that it was. But I'd call that revisionism.

The Jessica Valenti piece contains a quote that I've seen bandied about a great deal: "When we make excuses for particular, powerful men who hurt women, we make the world more comfortable for all abusers."

And I'm thinking: Damn! If we're really interested in doing that, let's start by lobbying to break off diplomatic relations with Saudi Arabia.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

How long does it take to form false memories? When the allegations were investigated, Dylan wasn't recalling the incidents from across a gap of thirty years, but within days or weeks of when they transpired.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I don't agree that there's conclusive evidence that she recalled these incidents within days or weeks of when they were alleged to have transpired.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

My understanding is that the investigation began the same month as the incidents took place. The pediatrician who reported them to the police was told within days; the team which interviewed (interrogated might be a better word) Dylan recorded her account within a few weeks at most. But I'm working off of timelines like this (http://www.thewrap.com/woody-allen-abuse-allegations-dylan-farrow-timeline); I would love to see something more detailed.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yes, health care workers are required by law to report any abuse allegations.

I don't believe that the child's account is an account of events that actually happened. I don't believe that Mia Farrow is telling the truth about what happened.

We're just gonna have to disagree about this one.:-)

[bel-ebat.livejournal.com]

I agree with you totally on this, and I can't even tie together my own reasons for strongly believing it like you have.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Someone else I know made the rather astute observation that he's a rather creepy looking guy who's almost 80 and she's this seraphic-looking woman at the height of beauty.

I think that's informed this debate more than people want to acknowledge.

[bel-ebat.livejournal.com]

That's an excellent point. So many people are focusing on the gender differences themselves from a traditional male 'power' standpoint. That overlooks a bigger bias we naturally have: BEAUTY.

Mia Farrow is a big icon for a lot of girls I know. She's idolized as her past and present selves. I know a girl who has dressed up as Rosemary with a baby doll every other costume party since high school. I often see photos of her online in the 60s, painting flowers on her dressing room walls. Present beautiful Mia Farrow has a very active Twitter where she sends out cool, modern, activist tweets to all of her followers—that I also have seen retweeted enough on my own feed.

[nodressrehersal.livejournal.com]

Not that abuse is ever logical, but nothing about the letter Dylan wrote made sense to me from the first moment I read it. She says she thought this was how fathers doted on their children and that it was normal, but then said she hid from him...

People will believe what they need to believe, and no amount of arguing or logic or even facts will sway their opinions. The "flip side" pieces I've read seem to be fact-based. I agree with you; I think Mia is the monster in all of this. Her pedophile brother, her relationship with Roman Polanski, the fact that Woody passed a lie detector test while she refused to take one...that stuff all seems irrefutable. I'm not a Woody Allen fan, so my opinion isn't based on my desire for him to be innocent.

Years ago, a female boss I had was married to a lawyer. It was her second marriage, and she had a teenage daughter who didn't like the new stepfather. One day, police came into our place of employment and said they were going to arrest her husband, that the daughter had told a school counselor that he had sexually molested and then raped her. My boss said there was no way. The police treated her like she was a sicko mom, taking the side of her sicko husband and not protecting her daughter. Ultimately, after a very lengthy investigation, it turned out that the daughter's story exactly mimicked the storyline of soap opera plot on tv at that time.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure which side you consider the "flip side", but the case for the prosecution is pretty damn "fact-based" (http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2014/02/woody-allen-sex-abuse-10-facts). It should be; the authorities conducted a thorough investigation and only stopped short of prosecuting because the potential negative impact on a seven year-old victim was judged to be too great. On the other hand, Allen's "refutations" are filled with lies: Mia didn't "refuse" to take a lie detector test because she wasn't asked. It was Allen, in fact, who refused to take a polygraph test administered by the police in favour of one administered by his own legal team. He said he never went into the attic--then recanted when police found forensic evidence to the contrary.

As Mark Shrayber points out on Jezebel (http://jezebel.com/woody-allen-responds-to-dylan-farrows-sex-abuse-allega-1518786496?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow), Allen's response isn't based on facts but on "logic". The thrust of his argument is that it would be "illogical" for him to have chosen to assault Dylan where and when she says that he did. It's news to me that sexual abusers act strictly in accordance with the rules of logic when committing their crimes. If "logic" were such an overriding consideration, sexual abuse would never happen ever.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

he authorities conducted a thorough investigation and only stopped short of prosecuting because the potential negative impact on a seven year-old victim was judged to be too great

I think this was utter horseshit on Maco's part. If it's true, he should be tried for prosecutorial misconduct.

I sincerely hope that if some prosecutor has enough evidence to convict one of my neighbors of child abuse, that he doesn't choose to let him walk because it's in the best interests of one of his victims. I sincerely hope that his prosecutorial duty would be to any future victims, particularly when one considers that child abuse doesn't tend to be a one-off crime.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I thought Perion fielded that question adequately in the article grail76 linked to:

Once you get past the hurdle of the child’s credibility, there are structural concerns with the criminal justice system that make things difficult. Some cases can linger for a year or two until they come to trial. In that time, the victim and the victim’s family may have decided that court may be too overwhelming. Even in relatively quick cases, the family is hesitant.

Can you imagine the circus if Dylan Farrow had to testify against Woody Allen? Not only would she be dragged by a defense attorney, but Mia Farrow’s life and previous history would also be fair game. Weide mentioned Mia Farrow’s previous affairs, imagine what an attorney that Woody Allen could afford would have done.

Testifying against an abuser can be hell even when he's not well-connected, widely-respected, and armed with the best legal team money can buy, and even mature adults are understandably reluctant to put themselves through something like that. Often (as the case of Nafissatou Diallo's accusations against Dominique Strauss-Kahn), it's the prosecutors who get cold feet. The bar for successful prosecution of rape or sexual abuse is high enough against a man of low stature, let alone one of international standing. Meredith Melnick , among others, made a good point at the time (http://healthland.time.com/2011/07/26/no-longer-the-perfect-victim-nafissatou-diallo-defends-herself/) about the necessity of having a "perfect victim". Generally speaking, a prepubescent child is as "perfect" as you're likely to get, but in this case it would've been Mia's flawed life that would've been subjected to endless hostile scrutiny. (Just look at what happened with Susan Gailey in the Polanski case.)

Any time a prosecutor is weighing the pros and cons of pursuing a case, the likelihood of future offences entres into the calculus. I don't know exactly what part it played in Maco's, but I can see him judging that it would be unlikely Allen would be given the opportunity after the accusations were so widely publicised. You can say it was a poor choice, but as Katie McDonough explains at length, the case would be handled quite differently if it happened today.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I don't buy it.

I think Mano knew perfectly well there was insufficient evidence to indict Allen and his, "Arguably, I do," was grandstanding.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

You may be right, and yet that still doesn't mean there's not enough evidence to meet the "reasonable doubt" criterion. As Perion (the professional abuse investigator quoted above) points out, in his field the authorities have a third category between "innocent" and "guilty" because the de facto standard for convictions in these cases exceeds the "reasonable doubt" standard.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

One might well ask why Ms. Farrow did not choose to pursue a civil lawsuit on the child's behalf since the burden of proof is very different from criminal prosecution.

This was the route pursued by several victims in the Michael Jackson saga (though, I suppose, the word victim "ought to be enclosed in quotes since the settlement terms didn't include an admission of guilt.)

Have you read anything that addresses that?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I haven't. What I have read suggests that Mia agreed that pursuing the criminal case was not in Dylan's best interests because of what the effects of a trial would be on her. Those concerns would presumably not change if the trial were a civil one rather than criminal.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

PS -- Curious here.

I think you've read more than I have.

Does anyone address the question of Allen's subsequent two adoptions with his current wife? He would have had to have been investigated pretty thoroughly, no? And the molestation charges were part of the public record.

Do analysts have an opinion about these adoptions?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

If so, I haven't seen it. I'm curious, too. You would think the adoptions would've at a bare minimum faced heightened scrutiny even if, without a conviction, there wasn't a legal means of barring them.

ETA: Looking around a bit, I found this article (http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/02/07/should-woody-allen-have-been-allowed-to-adopt.html) which addresses the issue in a general way. That is, spokespersons for adoption agencies talk about their policies, but none of the interviewees is privy to any details of Allen's two post-accusation adoptions.

[nodressrehersal.livejournal.com]

If that were true, why would any prosecutor in any child abuse case prosecute? Doesn't every case have a negative impact on a child? I would think seeing justice served would, in some small way, compensate for that negative impact when the child was old enough to fully understand all that took place. And, what about future victims?

That excuse for not moving forward sounds like nonsense and foolishness to me, but I do appreciate your links to a few more articles I hadn't read.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

She says she thought this was how fathers doted on their children and that it was normal, but then said she hid from him.

As an aside, I don't get what's inconsistent about this. It's pretty "normal" for parents to gush about their children in the presence of others, and it's just as normal for children to want to slink away and die of embarrassment when this happens.

[(Anonymous)]

And at that point, the accuser should face the full force of the law---bringing false charges, lying to investigators, and anything else BUT just letting the child off with a "kids will be kids" slap on the wrist.

My attitude would be, actual molestation would be tame compared to the shit I'm going to bring down on you for putting me through that hell. We'll see how YOU like it, and maybe you'll see that getting put through the legal wringer ain't all that amusing.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

First time offenses are often let off with a slap on the wrist, no?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yr own little McMartin Preschool case!!!

But, yeah. I mean -- I'm working with at risk teenagers now. I actually had one tell me recently, And if you don't do what I tell you, I'm gonna call the cops and tell them Mr. _____ is molesting me.

If I had taken her seriously, I would have kicked her out of the program I'm administering.