Without Weather

[mallorys_camera]

Once upon a time when I was the goddam Queen of France...

Miles and miles and miles away from any kind of happy place. I'm not feeling up, and I'm not feeling down. I'm not feeling happy, and I'm not feeling sad. I suppose the operative term for what I'm feeling is "without weather," a useful term coined by the otherwise regrettable writer John Barth.

I feel absolutely paralyzed in some deep metaphysical sense. Not sure whether this is a reaction to the institutional bloodbaths of last week, Carp's passing or the seasonal changes. Autumn is the most most melancholy season. The changing color of the leaves is truly spectacular in these parts, but it presages the coming of winter, which I have a gut feeling is gonna be really tough this year.

I dunno.

I guess I'm thinking, What is the point?

Of course there really doesn't have to be a point other than the fact that Rutger and the Meezer like to be fed, and I am the contractual supplier of kitty treats.

Before that, I was the contractual supplier of Max and Robin treats.

Before that, I'm not really sure what I was.

Sending the afternoon hanging out with Bill and Heidi in the city, and that should be fun. Hopefully it will penetrate this strange psychic Van Allen belt swaddling me.

Comments

[crookedfingers.livejournal.com]

I collect the writings of John Barth. Hope things brighten up for you. I often feel out of it. We just got to keep going praying for divine grace.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You do collect the most diverse group of authors! :-) What drew you to Barth?

[crookedfingers.livejournal.com]

I like the way Barth uses language. I am into words. Why do you like the writings of Barth? Hope you are doing well. Have a good weekend.

[robby.livejournal.com]

I've always heard that the Queen of France never wore underpants! Could that have been you?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Marie Antoinette: Commando! :-)

[robby.livejournal.com]

Oh là là

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

Hope you're enjoying your afternoon. Could the slow turning of the seasons be part of it? It seems like I'm flatter (partly my broken is worse) after Halloween thru April or May.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I do think there's a seasonal connection, yeah. I'm pretty sure I have seasonal affective disorder, and it seems to get worse every year. I really do best in long photo-periods.

[signorinakatina.livejournal.com]

When I first moved to Germany, I remember being amazed at the colors of the changing leaves. It was the beginning of my relationship with my then-boyfriend and I said to him on a walk by the water, "It's so beautiful, the leaves and the autumn!" --having never really experienced it before. He said, "yes, but...it's nostalgic in a way, it's pretty but it means winter is coming." At the time I thought this was a sort of melancholy thing to say and wondered about his mood. A few years later, after I'd lived through the cycle more than once, and really finally embodied the difficulty of real winter, I understood it. And then I moved back to southern California.

Take care of yourself and I hope you find a happier place soon. That feeling of bored nothingness, "without weather"--I know it. in some ways it's worse than passionate sadness.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Although I appreciate the changing seasons, I think in the long run, I'm probably mentally healthier in California. The seasonal carousel really drives up the angst-o-meter.