Cleaning Up
Jul. 26th, 2012 08:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mallorys_cameraBen was discharged from the hospital yesterday. I did go to the hospital again despite my resolution not to. Tactical mistake because it made me very, very sad and all I could do for the rest of the afternoon was cry. Not Good, in terms of all the stuff I have to do and that includes continuing to generate a revenue stream.
It was exactly like the last scene in the movie.
As it turns out, Ben has had chronic hepatitis for the last – gosh. Maybe 35 years.
I just stared at him.
“Not sexually transmitted,” he hastened to say.
Nonetheless, I am going to the doctor to have my liver enzymes tested this morning.
Then, I have to have Milo put to sleep.
Obviously, Ben will not be able to take him now.
Milo has cancer, and wouldn’t have lived more than six months anyway. But I was hoping that Milo would have six months of prancing and licking his butt, both things Milo likes to do.
I am trying hard not to sentimentalize this – repeat after me: Milo is a dog – but the truth is Milo is karmically important to me. He taught me a basic lesson about joy at a very joyless time in my life. So I am really sad about this.
In email, J used a metaphor that I like: I see someone who got dealt a tough hand but played her cards very well against really tough card sharks (The Fates.)
“I keep thinking of that line from Phil K. Dick,” Ben said. “’You have to pay if you want to play in the garden.’”
Right. But I didn’t actually get to play. I was too busy picking up after you.
It was exactly like the last scene in the movie.
As it turns out, Ben has had chronic hepatitis for the last – gosh. Maybe 35 years.
I just stared at him.
“Not sexually transmitted,” he hastened to say.
Nonetheless, I am going to the doctor to have my liver enzymes tested this morning.
Then, I have to have Milo put to sleep.
Obviously, Ben will not be able to take him now.
Milo has cancer, and wouldn’t have lived more than six months anyway. But I was hoping that Milo would have six months of prancing and licking his butt, both things Milo likes to do.
I am trying hard not to sentimentalize this – repeat after me: Milo is a dog – but the truth is Milo is karmically important to me. He taught me a basic lesson about joy at a very joyless time in my life. So I am really sad about this.
In email, J used a metaphor that I like: I see someone who got dealt a tough hand but played her cards very well against really tough card sharks (The Fates.)
“I keep thinking of that line from Phil K. Dick,” Ben said. “’You have to pay if you want to play in the garden.’”
Right. But I didn’t actually get to play. I was too busy picking up after you.
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no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 01:02 pm (UTC)I am sorry.
The dog might help him recover faster.
Take Milo over there anyway.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 01:11 pm (UTC)Good luck with the hep test, but I fear the outlook isn't good.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 02:38 pm (UTC)Maybe bringing Milo to Ben, like Milly said, might be nice.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-26 10:26 pm (UTC):-(
Date: 2012-08-02 07:04 am (UTC)