mallorys_camera | Except Really I've Been Mean (Reply)

RTT got into New Paltz. His father informs me that New Paltz is generally ranked as the hottest small public university in the U.S. and I see it shows up 7th on Newsweek’s list of the top 25 school, just behind Harvard, Tulane and Bates.

That said – and no mistake, I love the kid – I am really fucking sick of this mothering gig. Mother seems to be some M16 code for chauffer and maid.

Last night he missed his bus. He didn’t tell me he missed his bus until I had already driven out to his bus stop, four miles distance from Rural Squalor Central. So, a wasted trip and of course, I had to drive out again for the next bus. Big fucking deal, you’re thinking. Petty, petty, petty. Eight miles. But unfortunately when gas is $4 a gallon and I’m so broke I can’t afford to tune up my car, eight miles really is a big deal. Then at four this morning one of the animals woke me up growling for water and I just fucking lost it – kicked the offender, then burst into tears. This is what it’s come to, I thought. Animal abuse. Elder abuse, really. In 20 years I’ll be in some kind of home and some NA will slap me across the face when I beg for water.

I feel totally invisible, like the real me is off enjoying a beach vacation on Alpha Cenauri and can’t be bothered to write home. Yesterday I smiled at some random stranger – I actually look at people on the street, part of my perpetual search for my true telepathic clan, doncha know (cf. Rebirth) – and he stopped for a second and said, “You have the kindest, most beautiful eyes” – and I thought, That guy is probably the only person who’s really seen me on two and a half years.”

"Of course it's still the fallout from the store," says B. "Are you kidding me? You poured everything you had into that store."

"I'd have been better off buying eightballs and heroin," I said. "At least that way I would have had some fun."

On the plus side, this beautiful Day-of-the-Triffids-like spring continues apace. Yesterday, I saw forsythia. And a tulip! And I'm enjoying the tax stuff and of course, my Tibetans.

Enough blathering. Time to work.