The Big Chill

[mallorys_camera]

Yada yada yada.

Comments

[anais-pf.livejournal.com]

Plan what you're going to do once your son is finished with high school: where you'll move to, who you'd like to work for, what living quarters you'd prefer, and so on. Keep a suicide hotline number by the phone just in case.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You know now that I think about it, this entry falls under the category of Too Much Information -- and I think I'm going to take it down.

I'm an inveterate planner, so I have lists up the wazoo. I suspect what's getting to me now is the triple whammy of waning light, social isolation and uncertain finances. It's temporary, I know that, but I've always been one of those people who lives intensely in the present tense. Thank you for your kind thoughts. :-)

[lethe1]

abandoned by someone I took care of for 17 years

This refers to Ben, I think?


anais_pf's advice sounds good.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You know the more I think about it, the more I realize this entry falls under the category of Too Much Information. New York is considerably farther north than California, and I think the physical darkness gets to me. I'll be out of here in seven months. In California I have a social network and a lot more options than I do in rural upstate New York.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I think I'm being melodramatic here. So I'm going to delete this entry. But thank you for your kind thoughts.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Don't believe you have written about your friend before, at least not in the time I've been reading you. (Five years?)

Take home message for me is that it's brain chemistry. Conceptualizing it in that way, in fact, makes it instantly easier to deal with, eliminates that sticky sense of personal messiness.

And yes to your thought that it would be great to have people who can listen empathetically without intervening. Problem with talking about suicidal thoughts with the people who care about you is that either they get angry or they feel compelled to offer you advice. If you're reasonably intelligent, of course, you've already given yourself the same advice. A good laugh or an interesting conversation, some sense of fellowship would probably pop me out of this faster than anything. I'm amazingly socially isolated here.

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

Remember when you weren't eating? I feel about this much like I felt about that, only much moreso.

Please eat, please live. Don't forget to breathe.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Suspect I'm being melodramatic. In seven months I'll be back in the Bay Area where I have options and a supportive social network. Just really dreading winter in this alien place, y'know? Thank you for the kind thoughts.

[anarqueso.livejournal.com]

Seven months is not so long. But yeah, winter, and yeah, loneliness and poverty. That can feel long.

[nodressrehersal.livejournal.com]

Well then. Apparently I missed something here...