Why the Mysterious Death of Natalie Wood Is More Engaging Than the Proper Height For Towel Holders

[mallorys_camera]

I’ve had the attention span of a gnat this past ten days or so, real inability to hunker down and do real work. Has something to do with how insignificant I feel, how the world is filled with people and how I am merely a very small dot in the black stippling that signifies distant faces in a crowd. Just another diatom in the ocean. The ironic thing about this kind of mood is that since it’s so paralyzing, it actually prevents me from doing anything that in my more secure moments I might consider important.

Very cold. Very cold. But not snowing.

Plumber here for third time in two weeks. This time he appears to be digging a trench in the front yard – thank Gawd.

“What are you flushing down that toilet?” he kept asking me on his two previous visits, and I was forced to contemplate the size and girth of bowel movements, my own, my son’s and the rare visitor’s, because nothing else goes down that toilet. The plumber didn’t believe me. The plumber actually accused me of flushing female sanitary products down the toilet! “You’re very flattering,” I said, batting my eyelashes. “That hasn’t been an issue for at least a decade.”

Behind on the ADA piece, which I’d hoped to finish last week.

Behind on the Stegner stories. I don’t want to waste the money on reading fees if they’re terrible and right now they really feel terrible.

Stuck on a scene in the novel where Joe comes back from the wine country and finds a letter from Carol. This naturally led to a five page analysis of Joe’s relationship with Carol from his point of view, which is just so wrong. Sigh.

Saw a cartoon recently, side-by-side panels, male perspective/female perspective.

She: He was remote and detached all during dinner. I tried to make conversation and he answered in words of one syllable. It’s true then: He really is threatened by me because I’m a strong woman! “I love you,” I whispered then and he gave me a pained look and a nod. I can’t go on like this!

He: Goddamit, the clutch cable on my bike broke. Again…

Truth is Joe wouldn’t be analyzing his relationship with Carol because he’s a guy and guys don’t analyze their relationships with women unless they’re in prison or need something to fill up all those hours they’re paying the therapist for. So really I suppose I should just dump those five pages.

Also RTT was surly and hateful this morning. I don’t think he’s arrived at school in time for the past week and he missed a lot of school during all those back to back dentist’s appointment. So I made him get up at 6:30 this morning to catch the 7:20 bus.

“Can’t I just take the 9 o’clock bus?”

“No, you cannot! You’re supposed to be there at 9am!”

“So drive me.”

“Robin, it’s a ten mile trip into Ithaca! And a ten mile trip back. So if I go down there at 8:30 in the morning, I’m stuck there all day and I can’t do anything around the house.”

“I don’t see what the problem is if I take the 9 o’clock bus!”

“The problem, Robin, is that I let you sleep in a couple of days last week and I really shouldn’t have because now you feel entitled. Do you act like this at your father’s? Because maybe if he can get you to school on time, maybe you’d be better off living with him –“

“Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you!”

O-kay. To be fair, I was baiting him – he doesn’t like it when I sing the why-don’t-you-live-with-your-father refrain. I do it specifically to annoy him.

Actually though, Ben’s domestic life has lost most of its emotional charge for me. Used to be something I could pick at whenever I needed a jolt of a certain type of angst that would hurt but inspire me to write like a angel. It no longer particularly does either. I like Ben. I will always like Ben. And I certainly loved him once upon a time. I’m not sure that he ever really loved me though, at least – I rescued him. Much as the current Girlfriend rescued him. But when you’re rescued, you become the emotional equivalent of an indentured servant with all the various resentments and passive aggressive behaviors that entails. I certainly experienced that in spades over 17 years.

Now must s-t-r-e-t-c-h my attention span so it’s capable of doing something more than thinking about the reopening of the case of Natalie Wood’s Mysterious Death.

Comments

[robby.livejournal.com]

I was watching a piece about Woody Allen (PBS-American Masters), and he said that writing for his female characters grew to be much more interesting.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Did he say why?

[robby.livejournal.com]

From what I gather, with a female character he could express more complex emotions.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Ummm..

But, you know, in many conversations complex emotions are expressed -- although the topic of conversation is seldom "complex emotions." Emotion is expressed in inflection, body language etc. Of course you have to be an awfully good writer -- or film maker -- to show this. Personally, I'm not a big fan of any of Woody Allen's serious movies so I wouldn't say he's particularly successful in having his female characters express complex emotion. Hes much more successful with his comedy.

[robby.livejournal.com]

He also gives little direction to his actors. Once he casts them, he trusts in their instincts. He has filmed entire movies over, though, after he later realized an actor wasn't right.

[slfisher.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear from you. I was worried.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Still here! :-)

You seem to be more active on FB than LJ these days.

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

been really listless too. its kind of odd and has no origin. might as well be something as vague as 'the weather.' hope things pick up for you soon.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Hope things pick up for you too. Yeah, it might be the weather or at least the light cycle -- I'm fairly sure I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Stegner -- and friends?

[devifemme.livejournal.com]

Interesting post, going in various directions. The one point I tumbled, though, was the mention of Stegner stories. Would that be Wallace Stegner (active a half-century ago)? I love his work!

I just added you, and invite you to have a peek at my LJ sometime. Anais is a good friend here.

Thanks, Justine

Re: Stegner -- and friends?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I added you too.

The Stegner Fellowship is a literary fellowship out of Stanford. Every year I apply for it. Every year I don't get in. :-) The application process consists of submitting fiction so I've been working on a couple of short stories. They're not where I want them to be. :-(

Re: Stegner -- and friends?

[devifemme.livejournal.com]

Oh, I AM sorry to hear of your experience -- I knew of the Stegner Foundation, and would hope they'd be open to innovative young writers... (Presumably like YOU!)

I don't know how "read" into the WS canon you are, but I absolutely loved "Crossing to Safety" when I read it 20 years ago. His classics, too, of course -- but a lovely unaffected prose stylist he was.

But I will read you with more than average interest, knowing this sidelight. And I'll hope you get the recognition you deserve!

Hugz, Justine

Re: Stegner -- and friends?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

innovative young writers...

I'm an innovative old writer actually. :-)

And I'm not sure about that innovative part. But thanks.