Adventures In Online Dating
Jun. 29th, 2011 10:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mallorys_cameraAdventures In Online Dating:
Hi-
I have so enjoyed your profile. So I'm visualizing Doc explaining beer milkshakes to Bill Moyers while Jos. Campbell is overanalyzing the stuff out of them both. Actually, my visualization has been interrupted as Billy Pilgrim runs by. So it goes.
Yours is also the first profile which I needed the dictionary to read (Alimentation).
Are you writing?
And I'm shamelessly stumped on 'who rushes in and... fears to tread? Do you rush in aeronautically? Metaphysically?
Namaste,
Rick
Hello Rick,
2009 was my annus horribilis to quote Princess Di's mother-in-law: The "...who rushes in..." quip was my gentle reminder to self to be more mindful so those sorts of things don't happen in the future. (Here's where I insert that smiling emoticon!)
I had totally FORGOTTEN about beer milkshakes so thanks for the reminder! Though I did just finish writing a big party scene at the lab where Our Heroes John and Joe and Ed and Carol invent all sorts of strange cocktails with bizarre names. Did you know that the tradition of mixing cocktails first arose as a way to disguise the often noxious taste of bootlegged liquor? It's true! The closest contemporary analogue to Ed's laboratory alcohol would be Everclear, I'm imagining. Kind of tongue-curdling, that.
I love Billy Pilgrim but the Vonnegut book that's engraved upon my heart -- it's a short book but even so the letters are eensy-weensy-teensy -- is Cat's Cradle. For a long time I was the only Bokonist on Facebook. Yes, I joined Facebook -- as a way of spying on my kids. When I first sent a Friend request to my eldest son, he wrote back sniffily, "What do you hope to accomplish by THIS?" But I shamed him into accepting my request! Mothers have their ways.
"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.," used to be my credo when I was younger. Now that I'm old and considerably more sedentary, you're more likely to find me whispering, "Busy, busy, busy."
Your profile makes you sound interesting and I've enjoyed writing you this note. If you don't mind a personal question: what is the religion you take sort of seriously?
Patrizia
Patrizia-
Unitarian, which is noncreedal. Kurt Vonnegut, the Honorary something of the American Humanists (after Isaac Assimov, no less) once preached a sermon while an 'official' member of a Unitarian congregation. The ultimate anti-religionist, almost. My own faith is part agnostic and part Buddhist (except for the Saranac in the fridge, of course), and evolving (I thought that was the point). One of my current favorite 'faith texts' is Nick Bostrom's simulation argument, at http://www.simulation-argument.com/. As a purely probabilistic argument (ok, that makes some big assumptions) it is very hard to dismiss. And consider the ethical implications!
But I'm still perplexed- how does one sedentarily rush in? And what kind of writing do you do? And, do you like coffee? The Shoppe is French drip, plus quiet and comfortable, even more inviting than this laptop screen. Could you join me either wednesday or thursday morning, or next saturday, either 9 or 10?
Rick
Hi Rick,
What kind of writing do I do? Here's some links to some writing I've DONE:
http://dir.salon.com/tech/feature/1999/07/16/blair_marketing/print.html
http://www.salon.com/21st/feature/1999/02/cov_12feature.html
These days I'm focusing more on fiction.
Treading carefully here 'cause I don't want to give the wrong impression... I'm flattered that you'd like to meet me because I like your writing style. What can you tell from a person's writing style? A lot, actually.
But I'm going to be upfront with you -- and then you can tell me if you still want to meet. I've been surprised by the men I've met through this site, about how little and how much I was attracted to them. The variance depends on initial impressions to be sure, and that's governed as much by expectations as it is by chemistry. I'm kind of a bird with a broken wing at this stage of my life, and I'm kind of OLD to be that. It's off-putting to a lot of men. It may well be off-putting to you. I'm working towards my phoenix moment when I arise from the ashes with fresh new plumage -- slow steps, but you remember Mao Tse Tung's admonition about the journey of a thousand miles.
You seem pretty secure in who you are. I think it would be difficult for me to be seen and to be found wanting by you. By the way I feel really stupid writing you this -- I mean, we're talking about a CUP OF COFFEE for crying out loud! But hey, there it is! If only you weren't such a good writer, I could think, "Sure he's handsome and successful and seems to have his head screwed on straight -- but can he write witty, allusive, provocative prose? NO, HE CANNOT!"
Bam! That would give me the strategic edge.
So, what do you think?
Patrizia
Oh, dear. I didn't mean to scare you off.
Namaste.
Patrizia-
The sexpert article is quite fine. "And I love telling people what to do". You certainly write with attitude. And well. The bio is also certainly intruiging.
I'm a Salon fan, actually, although more Glenn Greenwold than Joan Walsh.
As to your cup of coffee question, I have my own 'upfront' concern. I had an experience in Houston, between my first & second marriages, when I dated someone who was great fun to be with but who was much more impulsive and adventurous than my normal self. And your sexpert article reminded me very much of her. She and I talked about just having fun together while also seeing other people but when the relationship ended she was hurt. What was truly wrong on my part was that she was looking for a lasting relationship & thinking it might be me and I was looking for a lasting relationship and feeling fairly certain that it would not be with her. So our coffee will come with baggage, not unusual perhaps at our age, but that baggage is not of a minor nature. And the other issue is that we may really be very different people.
Your thoughts?
Rick
Hello Rick,
I'm glad you wrote back.
I have two thoughts.
The first was the story that leaped at me from your note. Structurally, very difficult to pull off -- I think I've seen Pynchon do it but no one else; certainly, it would be beyond the narrative talents of Mr. Steinbeck, star of my current œuvre: A man with two parallel lives, two parallel marriages. Naturally, he is happier in the one he wouldn't expect to be happy in.
That's fiction for you.
And it makes certain assumptions about the man's real-life second marriage that may or may not be the case -- namely, that this second marriage ended in divorce. In point of fact, he may be a widower.
The second is that baggage or no, we've reached some level of intimacy through these brief emails. It may not bespeak romantic interest -- romantic interest is the dance of the seven veils; the unveiling, part of the frisson, no? If we DO meet for coffee, I will already be stripped to my virtual skivvies.
But our conversation reminds me of conversations I had with friends right up to the birth of my oldest son. Conversations in which it was possible to say ANYTHING, although you had to say it well.
I'm not sure why this level of intimacy with other people stopped when I had a child. Possibly because the intimacy you feel with your own flesh and bone is so much headier than anything else. Possibly because a key feature of those earlier, free-ranging conversations is the thought that one is poised to carve one's initials on the great cultural swath. Once you have a child, however, you realize that any contribution you are likely to make to the Future (capital F!) is really through your children. I dunno.
But as my youngest, who starts his senior year of high school next year , gets ready to leave the nest, I find myself turning back into the person I was before I had children. I MISS those conversations.
I think we could be good friends. I think that's a cup of coffee right there. So. I'm down with Saturday if you are.
And now I'm off to write a love scene featuring Joe Campbell and Carol Steinbeck on a beach. The tide is out! The fog is in! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? We know from the historical record they never consumated the attraction. Ah, but this is fiction.
Patrizia
PS: Definitely not knocking Steinbeck above. I won't say he wasn't a stylist -- he's got that Old Testament thang going, significance telegraphed through repetition rather than italics. His particular style is easily translated into other languages which of course, is a wonderful thing. The story I saw in your email could only be written in English.
Hi-
I have so enjoyed your profile. So I'm visualizing Doc explaining beer milkshakes to Bill Moyers while Jos. Campbell is overanalyzing the stuff out of them both. Actually, my visualization has been interrupted as Billy Pilgrim runs by. So it goes.
Yours is also the first profile which I needed the dictionary to read (Alimentation).
Are you writing?
And I'm shamelessly stumped on 'who rushes in and... fears to tread? Do you rush in aeronautically? Metaphysically?
Namaste,
Rick
Hello Rick,
2009 was my annus horribilis to quote Princess Di's mother-in-law: The "...who rushes in..." quip was my gentle reminder to self to be more mindful so those sorts of things don't happen in the future. (Here's where I insert that smiling emoticon!)
I had totally FORGOTTEN about beer milkshakes so thanks for the reminder! Though I did just finish writing a big party scene at the lab where Our Heroes John and Joe and Ed and Carol invent all sorts of strange cocktails with bizarre names. Did you know that the tradition of mixing cocktails first arose as a way to disguise the often noxious taste of bootlegged liquor? It's true! The closest contemporary analogue to Ed's laboratory alcohol would be Everclear, I'm imagining. Kind of tongue-curdling, that.
I love Billy Pilgrim but the Vonnegut book that's engraved upon my heart -- it's a short book but even so the letters are eensy-weensy-teensy -- is Cat's Cradle. For a long time I was the only Bokonist on Facebook. Yes, I joined Facebook -- as a way of spying on my kids. When I first sent a Friend request to my eldest son, he wrote back sniffily, "What do you hope to accomplish by THIS?" But I shamed him into accepting my request! Mothers have their ways.
"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.," used to be my credo when I was younger. Now that I'm old and considerably more sedentary, you're more likely to find me whispering, "Busy, busy, busy."
Your profile makes you sound interesting and I've enjoyed writing you this note. If you don't mind a personal question: what is the religion you take sort of seriously?
Patrizia
Patrizia-
Unitarian, which is noncreedal. Kurt Vonnegut, the Honorary something of the American Humanists (after Isaac Assimov, no less) once preached a sermon while an 'official' member of a Unitarian congregation. The ultimate anti-religionist, almost. My own faith is part agnostic and part Buddhist (except for the Saranac in the fridge, of course), and evolving (I thought that was the point). One of my current favorite 'faith texts' is Nick Bostrom's simulation argument, at http://www.simulation-argument.com/. As a purely probabilistic argument (ok, that makes some big assumptions) it is very hard to dismiss. And consider the ethical implications!
But I'm still perplexed- how does one sedentarily rush in? And what kind of writing do you do? And, do you like coffee? The Shoppe is French drip, plus quiet and comfortable, even more inviting than this laptop screen. Could you join me either wednesday or thursday morning, or next saturday, either 9 or 10?
Rick
Hi Rick,
What kind of writing do I do? Here's some links to some writing I've DONE:
http://dir.salon.com/tech/feature/1999/07/16/blair_marketing/print.html
http://www.salon.com/21st/feature/1999/02/cov_12feature.html
These days I'm focusing more on fiction.
Treading carefully here 'cause I don't want to give the wrong impression... I'm flattered that you'd like to meet me because I like your writing style. What can you tell from a person's writing style? A lot, actually.
But I'm going to be upfront with you -- and then you can tell me if you still want to meet. I've been surprised by the men I've met through this site, about how little and how much I was attracted to them. The variance depends on initial impressions to be sure, and that's governed as much by expectations as it is by chemistry. I'm kind of a bird with a broken wing at this stage of my life, and I'm kind of OLD to be that. It's off-putting to a lot of men. It may well be off-putting to you. I'm working towards my phoenix moment when I arise from the ashes with fresh new plumage -- slow steps, but you remember Mao Tse Tung's admonition about the journey of a thousand miles.
You seem pretty secure in who you are. I think it would be difficult for me to be seen and to be found wanting by you. By the way I feel really stupid writing you this -- I mean, we're talking about a CUP OF COFFEE for crying out loud! But hey, there it is! If only you weren't such a good writer, I could think, "Sure he's handsome and successful and seems to have his head screwed on straight -- but can he write witty, allusive, provocative prose? NO, HE CANNOT!"
Bam! That would give me the strategic edge.
So, what do you think?
Patrizia
Oh, dear. I didn't mean to scare you off.
Namaste.
Patrizia-
The sexpert article is quite fine. "And I love telling people what to do". You certainly write with attitude. And well. The bio is also certainly intruiging.
I'm a Salon fan, actually, although more Glenn Greenwold than Joan Walsh.
As to your cup of coffee question, I have my own 'upfront' concern. I had an experience in Houston, between my first & second marriages, when I dated someone who was great fun to be with but who was much more impulsive and adventurous than my normal self. And your sexpert article reminded me very much of her. She and I talked about just having fun together while also seeing other people but when the relationship ended she was hurt. What was truly wrong on my part was that she was looking for a lasting relationship & thinking it might be me and I was looking for a lasting relationship and feeling fairly certain that it would not be with her. So our coffee will come with baggage, not unusual perhaps at our age, but that baggage is not of a minor nature. And the other issue is that we may really be very different people.
Your thoughts?
Rick
Hello Rick,
I'm glad you wrote back.
I have two thoughts.
The first was the story that leaped at me from your note. Structurally, very difficult to pull off -- I think I've seen Pynchon do it but no one else; certainly, it would be beyond the narrative talents of Mr. Steinbeck, star of my current œuvre: A man with two parallel lives, two parallel marriages. Naturally, he is happier in the one he wouldn't expect to be happy in.
That's fiction for you.
And it makes certain assumptions about the man's real-life second marriage that may or may not be the case -- namely, that this second marriage ended in divorce. In point of fact, he may be a widower.
The second is that baggage or no, we've reached some level of intimacy through these brief emails. It may not bespeak romantic interest -- romantic interest is the dance of the seven veils; the unveiling, part of the frisson, no? If we DO meet for coffee, I will already be stripped to my virtual skivvies.
But our conversation reminds me of conversations I had with friends right up to the birth of my oldest son. Conversations in which it was possible to say ANYTHING, although you had to say it well.
I'm not sure why this level of intimacy with other people stopped when I had a child. Possibly because the intimacy you feel with your own flesh and bone is so much headier than anything else. Possibly because a key feature of those earlier, free-ranging conversations is the thought that one is poised to carve one's initials on the great cultural swath. Once you have a child, however, you realize that any contribution you are likely to make to the Future (capital F!) is really through your children. I dunno.
But as my youngest, who starts his senior year of high school next year , gets ready to leave the nest, I find myself turning back into the person I was before I had children. I MISS those conversations.
I think we could be good friends. I think that's a cup of coffee right there. So. I'm down with Saturday if you are.
And now I'm off to write a love scene featuring Joe Campbell and Carol Steinbeck on a beach. The tide is out! The fog is in! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? We know from the historical record they never consumated the attraction. Ah, but this is fiction.
Patrizia
PS: Definitely not knocking Steinbeck above. I won't say he wasn't a stylist -- he's got that Old Testament thang going, significance telegraphed through repetition rather than italics. His particular style is easily translated into other languages which of course, is a wonderful thing. The story I saw in your email could only be written in English.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:51 pm (UTC)Rick sounds really promising.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-29 02:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 12:30 pm (UTC)My personal/non-personal filters are such a mess right now, I honestly can't tell.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 12:28 pm (UTC)