What I Really Need I Think

[mallorys_camera]

The online dating site is very weird.

A pleasantly flirty correspondence turned into a rather uncomfortable phone call during which the gentleman in question proceeded to drone into the receiver at great length about the wife who left him for another woman and the new car he was about to buy.

Then there is the twenty-something who only goes out with women over 50 and wants to hook me up with his bi-curious sugar momma so he can watch.

I’m supposed to have coffee tomorrow morning with the Cortland gentleman but I can already tell he’s too simple and resigned for me. I wrote him, “How long have you been using this site? Have you actually met people through it?” and he wrote me back, “A few. But they disappear after one meeting,” which doesn’t auger well.

The one Fellini gentleman I liked has suggested coffee. He lives 100 miles away though so I suggested meeting up midway some time after the start of the New Year.

Really at this point I probably need a good girlfriend to have long, uninhibited conversations with more than someone to go out with. But I don't know whether I'll ever make a friend as close as Susan or Marybeth here. I just don't have that 30 years to invest. Sigh...

God damn my life is a mess.

Comments

[badrobot68.livejournal.com]

I did online dating for quite a while, and you really have to be in the mood for adventure. But I met some interesting people, and got some good stories from it!

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

The mood for adventure -- yeah, I think you're right!

[dabroots.livejournal.com]

I've managed to have one longish relationship resulting from online dating, and it lasted three years. And I'm currently in another, and it's going quite well, and might continue for a long, long time. And then I had many brief relationships resulting from them, although most were ill-advised. It can be done.

Weren't you actively seeing someone, recently? I think it was in early December when I was very busy and not reading carefully and seldom commenting.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

No, I'm the one whose feckless husband left her for his 4-H club girlfriend of 35 years ago, 'cause you know who says you can't go home again, right? :-)

I don't blame you if you don't read my entries. They are painful and self-indulgent to a large extent.

Any good tips for optimizing the online dating experience?

[dabroots.livejournal.com]

I do read your entries and I sometimes comment on them, as you do mine, but relatively few in the past month.

Advice? Well, make sure that you have a very good feeling about someone before meeting them. If there's something about a potential date that squicks you out but you think you might be misunderstanding it, ask for clarification. If there is something about that potential date that squicks you out and you are fully aware of what it's all about, but think, "Ah, maybe I really would like to try bondage role-playing!" (for example), give it some second and third thoughts.

How long ago did your feckless husband leave you?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

April.

[dabroots.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling contrite, here.

I went back and read a couple of posts from April, particularly one about your teenage son--I have one, too.

It's been nearly nine years and eleven months since my marriage ended in fact, nine years on paper. When I took my current girlfriend back to see my family at Christmas this past week, I was struck by how many years it had been just my son and me going back there, that I was suddenly presenting myself as half of a couple that didn't include my son's mother--quite odd.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You and Miss A make a smashing couple! She is lovely.

Yes, I believe from time to time we talk about our sons. :-)

[dabroots.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

How old is yours, now?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Mine is 16 1/2. Very smart and very undermotivated. I keep hoping this is his Prince Hal phase.

[misslam2u.livejournal.com]

Did you know old Oxo and I met in an online chatroom?
Weider things have happened. Just hang there but be CAREFUL! The freaks, they be aplenty!

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Didn't know that, no! Okay -- maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

By the way -- my newest fantasy is that somehow you and I will become next door neighbors.

[misslam2u.livejournal.com]

Lots of happy couples meet online, it's au currant!

Wouldn't THAT be fun?? Because I'm testing my bacon wrapped shrimps with snow peas again... I could use another tester.

[anais-pf.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to invest 30 years to get to the point of having long, uninhibited conversations with a good girlfriend. Once you find the right person -- male or female -- long, uninhibited conversations can flow freely almost immediately. Of course the key is to find the right person.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I miss my girlfriends! Sniff...

[misslam2u.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[anais-pf.livejournal.com]

Call your old girlfriends on Skype or something and talk with them, and make some new local girlfriends!

[misslam2u.livejournal.com]

I think part of the problem with online communications are something you hit on right away in this note... it goes from politely flirty to all star porn talk in two shakes and that can be awkward later when you finally do talk on the phone or meet irl, and what if he's totally NOT the guy and you've already let him cyber pants you. On the sofa. In your darkest mind space. Because it's too easy to let someone into it.

And that's OK, when you can be anon and just shut it off, no harm no foul, but when you are face to face over coffee and he's got the worst accent you've ever heard, or smells of something strange you could NEVER fall asleep next to, well, then, that's a whole different sack of bats, then isn't it?

Anyway, a girlfriend told me all this stuff. It isn't like *I've* done any of this. Hurhumph.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yep, yep, and yep.

[saltdawg.livejournal.com]

I don't understand why you just don't recognize the massive crush I have on you so we can write books together.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I have our first bestsellers all planned out! A mystery series -- "The Harbor Master." Russian mobsters use Mayberry RFD clone on the Maine coast as a drop off point for guns, drugs, and Ukrainian hookers. Only our hero, the lantern-jawed Harbor Master can stop them!

Fuck it. We don't even have to write it. Let's just count our imaginary money.

[christophrawr.livejournal.com]

I'm just resigning myself to pornography and jelly doughnuts. *sage nod*

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Jelly donuts in the Portnoy liver sense? Or shouldn't I ask?

[cwmackowski.livejournal.com]

I've had a couple people suggest the online dating thing, but I've resisted. I hope you have better luck as you continue your adventures. :-)

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty resistant to it too, Chris -- you know what attracts me in men? Brains. Literacy. For all I know, these may be found in abundance in the guys who hang out on the online dating site. But it's not designed to showcase those qualities.

Still. I gotta do something.

[cwmackowski.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I sympathize (and definitely don't scoff at your attempts online). I don't do much of anything where I meet new people, so I'm kind of in a rut. The online thing, as people tell me, would solve that. In fact, I heard someone recently--a couple of different places--that about fifty percent of all couples now meet online. That's a pretty hefty chunk!

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

It is! Maybe you should join too! We can provide a safety net for each other, vet each other's choices.

[(Anonymous)]

If it were me, rather than using online dating, I'd get involved in activities at Cornell and Ithaca colleges. More likely to run into smart people there.

That said, get a separate cell phone number for the online dating calls, so if somebody starts to stalk you you can throw the phone away; always meet people in public; never go to your or someone else's home on the first meeting; never go to your or someone else's home unless you're prepared to have sex with them; and set up safe calls.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Oh, you are smart.

Is this Spartacus? :-)