Max Talks About Love, Loss & Not Being the Voice of His Generation

[mallorys_camera]

Distinctly lachrymose as we coast into the Big Holidays.

Long texting session w/Max yesterday which I downloaded in a fit of maternal obsession.



Max: mom
i got an informal job offer yesterday
Me: Yea! Where?
Max: i have to take a mcquaig test on monday
Me: McQuaig test... what dat?
Max: but first I'm going to interview with google and a place called Influx partners
theoffer was with sfl data
Me: Excellent.
What is sfi data?
Max: mcquaig is like a personality test
Me: Uh-oh. :-):-)
Max: to see if im an axe murderer
it's a litgation consultant group they work for lawyers sorting data in Discovery litigation
Me: If you were following yr mother's plans, you'd be a serial killer
Max: theres still time
Me: Very interesting
Max: ...maybe
Me: Wow. GREAT
Max: could be
pays pretty well
Me: What would you do at Google?
Max: some kind of admin work
Me: How great does it pay?
Max: like 50
I think my salary would be hourly
Me: Wow. Entry level.
Max: so I could make more or less
yeah
Me: Hourly means they'd have to pay you for overtime.
Max: i could pay off my undergrad loans pretty quickly
right
Me: Salary means they DON'T have to pay you for overtime
Yes, you could.
Max: I think this job has the potential for a lot of overtime
Me: And save money for whatever the next phase in yr life turns out to be
Max: right
Me: Excellent
Max: and fix my parking brake
also
Me: And yr parking tickets! :-):-)
Max: broke up with beckie yesterday
so am single again
yes, my parking tickets too
Me: How did THAT happen?
Max: i get into relationships too fast, so they're built on nothing, but they've progressed to a point where, if I don't like something about the person Im with, or something about the person bores me, it's a big deal because
a)
I can't overlook it because there haven't necessarily been a lot of positive things to outweigh the negatives
and b)
our relationship, while kind of based on nothing, has developed to a point where it seems awkward to say, "Hey things aren't working for these trivial reasons"
so I just get sort of grumpy
and I make the other person hate me
has happened in two relationships now
I need to take things slower
Me: Yep, and you make them break up with YOU
Max: I always thought that "hooking up" was not for me, that it was kind of immature, but it's totally mature, i
Me: Dunno... I think the relationship w/Molly progressed at a reasonable rate.
Max: I need to take it more slowly in the future
Me: I mean, yes, you slept together right away, but you kind of built up to hte emotiuonal plateau
Max: problem is I dont actually think I want to be in a relationnship
I just want to be in love
all the time
Me: Don't we all!
It's a great feeling
But not the basis for an ongoing relationship, I suspect
Max: no molly was super fast too
Me: Really?
Max: molly and I were kind of seeing each other a little bit for a bout a month
then we started living together
and that set everything off
I moved in with her out of convenience
not thinkingit through
Me: Did not know that. Thought you went from casual to deep over time
Max: thinking that living together wasn't a big deal
at least im learning things
Me: You sould like Ben
Max:?
I just have a lot to learn about relationships
still
and people I know think I get into relatively healthy ones
thats kind of where i am now
Me: When I asked Ben why he'd mopved right in with the Girlfriend (lying about it to me for 6 months) he said, "Well, it was partly economic. And partly for companionship"
Max: I think men are fucked up
cuz I think Im pretty fucked up, but still better than many or most out there
Me: Who do you know who has a healthy relationship?
Max: when it comes to being in relationships
good question
maybe that's the problem
not really anybody
Me: Actually, of hte three women you've been with (that I've known about) I think you had the best chance of a GOOD relationship with Molly.
Max: definitely
molly and I had the most in common
a lot in common
Me: I didn't necessarily LIKE Molly the best of yr girlfriends, but I thought you seemed to have a very well balanced relationship
Max: I just didn't want to be in a long term relationship
Me: \I thought you fell in love with someone else?
Max: beckie and I had very little common ground as far as activities or anything like that
no
we broke up first
Me: Didn't know that. Or rather -- thought the breakup was situational
Max: I just need to be relatively single for a bit
kind of
Me: Probably
Max: no serious plans to get back together, i think ive told you that i had been sort of over the relationshp for a while
Me: Channel yr passion into some kind of art
Max: yeah
or my job
Me: With Molly? Yeah
Max: yeah
Me: Yup. If the job has that kind of potential, yep definitely a good place to channel passion
Max: but i want to do other things
thinking about starting martial arts again
Me: Was it hard for Beckie?
Max: with fletcher
Me: Yeah, you said that about martial arts
Max: and training with his dad;s organization
probably
Me: I think martial arts are great
Max: probably harder than for me
I dunno
I think in the end I made it easier by being an asshole
Me:
Really good discipline for both mind and body
Max: just caused pain leading up to the end
Me: There you go! :-):-) At least you have the self-knowledge to admit it.
Max: but in the end. I said I thought we could stay together cuz I liked her a lot but we'd have to take it basically from the beginning and she said no she didn't think it would work
which is probably true
Me: I think it's better not ot behave like an asshole htough. That really doesn't show respect for the other person's intelligence.
Max: agreed
Me: What do you mean, "take it form the beginning?"
Max: I think it was sort of unconscious
or a coping mechanism
something Im learning from and will be hopefully more aware of now
take it from the beginning=
start dating
get to know each other
Me: Well, I think you had a lot going on in yr life...
Max: see if we want to get serious again
Me: all that free fall..
Max: yeah
that was part of it
Me: Looking for a place, looking for a job
Max: I had nothing going for me
having to stay at stanford
Me: Maybe not the right mental place for a serious relationship
Max: yeah
thats why I thought we should start over
or at least give it a try
but oh well
such is life
Me: Yeah, I think if a guy had otld ME when I was yr age, "let's take it from the beginning again," I'd be pretty sure he wanted sex asnd nothing else from me. :-):-)
Max: like I said I dont know that we would have found much in common anyway
hmmm
maybe
Me: You think you fell in love with her because she was a blank slate on to which you could project yr own fixations?
There must have been SOMETHING
Max: I think she either just saw that it wouldn't work or didn't think we could forget the past
thats a loaded question
shes an awesome person
Me: Not that I object to yr breaking up with her. Robin liked her a lot but I thought privately she was a little young for you
Max: I love a lot of things about her
Me: althought her background was really interesting
Max: we share a thinking style
just not a doing style
were not really into doing the same things
Me: Sharing a thinking sty;e is a very STRONG bond actually
Max: I know
I know
but what am I going to do
problems will arise
so I think I've always been pretty self posessed and just tried to convince myself that I wasn't because I liked being ion love
Me: You are self-CONTAINED, I owuld say
Max: right now I think I need to be self posessed and just be aware of that
just focus on where I want to go right now and how I want to get thre
okay
yeah better word
Me: Not necessarily self-possessed: you get thrown off yr axis regularly
Max: I dont think Im evil
Me: No, of course, you're not evil!
What would make you think that?
Max: i dont
Me: You're entirely right to focus on yr own needs
Max: I meant like I didn't mean the word to soud too negative
Me: You need to figure out the course of yr life and that's a BIG blueprint

Max: yeah but I want it to be a dynamic bueprint
that makes it less daunting
Me: Right.
But we've talked about this before...
Max: right
okay
well thats my update
Me: In the absence of something CALLING you to do it --
Max: I didnt slee very well
Me: Like I always knew the only thing I could really do was WRITE --
Max: busome aspect of the near future will be decided for me in the next few days
Me: in the absence of something like that, you need to use yr intellect to map yr life
Max: im starting to write
and to identif as a writer
i saw auntie annie the other day
Me: You did?
How is she?
Max: she's going to give me tips on how to be a freelance writer
she's good
Me: Excellent
Max: i see her fairly regularly
like once a month or so
Me: Good!
Max: when Im around these parts
we do the bhudda walk
Me: Good!
Max: by her house
do you have any tips?
on being a freelance writer?
Me: Yes, I do.
Max: I think I need to do pro bono stuff to get a resue before I can get paid yeah?
Me: Probably. Also editors tend to buy from writers they KNOW
If you can figure out how to write a story about something interesting and peculiar to yourself --
Why men are such assholes might work as a topic actually...
write it on spec and send it around
Max: on spec?
Me: Well, at yr stage you won't be given an assignm,ent by an editor.
So you have to write the story first and then see who's going to buy it.
That's called writing on speculation, spec for short
Max: aha
Me: If you can figure out how to be the Voice of Yr Generation...
which so far doesn't seem to have a voice
you'll be in
Also read a lot of Matt Taibbi
Seriously.
He's a great writer
The way he puts information together and the way he writes
Max: hmm
looking him up npow
Me: He writes about politics
Believe right now he's a contributing writer/editor for Rolling Stone
HE jumpstarted his writing career in a very interesting way...
He went to Russia
and founded an expat magazine
called the eXile
Max: what is an expat magazine
?
Me: that was hilariously funny and gave insight into something people didn't know very much about in this country: life in post-sopviet russia
expat = expatriate
If you can take an experience that's unique to you, and somehow turn it into something for other people to read...
that's the best formula for writerly success
Max: hmm should I just move somewhere and start an expat magazine
maybe that could be the hook
Ill write an expat magazine out of SF
Me: There ya go! :-):-)
Max: Ill pitch that idea to tessa
Me: That might be interesting actually.
Max: she want s to do edgy journalism
Me: The stranger at the party is always a good persona from which to write journalism
I must go, my dear
As always it's an incredible treat to "talk" to you

Comments

[old-cutter-john.livejournal.com]

Impressive!

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

My God, you actually read through that? :-)

[old-cutter-john.livejournal.com]

Of course!

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

That's awesome, my son John just texts me to let me know he needs money, or bragging that he's going to some Royal affair or something like that. The only real give and take we have is when we're out on the water sharing waves. The water washes everything away and allows us to be father and son again. Here's hoping for a Christmas swell, depending on what time zone we're in as our plans are in total flux right now.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Max and I are tight. It's always a great surprise and pleasure to me that he loves his old Mom and respects her opinion -- I feel like such an utter failure in so many other ways.

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

Don't all parents sometimes feel like utter failures?

Hey, if we can keep our kids out of jail, not transfer too many hang-ups, and allow them to grow into hapy, reasonable well adjusted adults,we.ve done our job. I wrote an article over at Daily Soce regarding Forbidden Fruit that addressed some of those issues. Interesting personal feedback I got from many parents who pressure their kids to death feeling that if they don't get into the right pre-school, they will end up at a second rate kindergarden, a third rate elementary school, but by then Harvard is out of the window and their life is over by age 4. I got at least 25 e-mails from such parents, but luckily Vic edited the nasty responses on the site. I also wrote a screed about Scrooge on Daily Spec and got pretty well mauled, but I still stand by everything I said.....after all, a mauling from the general public is a good thing as the general public is always wrong.

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

What an awesome conversation. You're correct about Matt Tabbi's current position, and the idea of an expat in SF could be terrific.

I wish I could talk to either of my parents the way you and Max do.