These Days

[mallorys_camera]

One of the kitchen windows leaks. I know this because there’s a three inch layer of ice around the sill – on the inside. Temperature here is a balmy 14 degrees – I say “balmy” because it never rose above 11 yesterday. This is the big freeze that’s taking out the northeast. Actually, I don’t mind the cold, I can do the cold. What I hate is the snow…

“You’re happier these days, aren’t you?” Robin observed this morning.

And I didn’t have to even think a second before answering, “Yes, I am.”

Don’t know why, really. It’s not as though there’s been a material change in my circumstances. But I’m no longer hit three seconds after I get up every morning with that absolute sense of desolation.

See, that’s the thing with me: I almost always wake up in a jolly mood. And then the realities of the time and location hit and suddenly I’m an emotional wreck.

Not so much these days though.

Is the annus horribilis over? Pretty please?

Comments

[a1icey.livejournal.com]

because i am an annoying p-o-s, i always try to convince my friends that the good life is going to sleep early, waking up early, eating three meals a day, and doing yoga. i always claim everything will be cured by that, including depression and lunacy.

but my friend nigina (http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs535.ash1/31347_751373384708_15720810_41600628_2265643_n.jpg) said the other day that she wakes up like you describe when she wakes up, which is why she always sleeps late... and that it always feels that way when it is light outside. and i just can't imagine it.

i know you've always waken up early despite it, so what do you recommend?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

i always try to convince my friends that the good life is going to sleep early, waking up early, eating three meals a day, and doing yoga.

Actually I think you're spot on here. I'm not a believer in Depression as some kind of disease or of depressed people as victims of some sort of inexorable process over which they have no control. I think almost everyone who's depressed would stop being depressed if they turned off their computers, basked in full spectrum light and exercised more. Note: this doesn't apply to people who are experiencing grief, an event-related and time-limited variant of depression.

After losing some friends at parties when I got mildly drunk and shot my mouth off about my theory, I stopped talking about it. :-)

But since you ask...

I still wake up remarkably early. Generally between 4 and 5. It is pitch black outside. And very cold. Br-r-r-r-r! But that's the way I'm wired. It's hard for me to sleep late. I'd much rather go to bed early.

[alexkaufmann]

For some of us, depression is an illness. For some reason, we're born with a chemical imbalance in our brains.

The unfortunate part is that there's no test, nothing physical we can point to on an MRI to say "there it is," the way people with other organs misfiring can.

The people who are suffering grief have what's called situational depression, there's a cause for the depression and it is generally time-limited (but some people need the help of therapy and those who don't get it can be stuck indefinitely).

People like me don't have situational depression and, without meds, I'd be unable to get out of bed in the morning, nevermind hold down a job and be otherwise productive.

I do use a lightbox in wintertime and it is a great help.

That said, losing friends over your theory is absurd. Some of my friends wonder why I just don't pull myself up by my bootstraps and I'm tired of beating my head against the wall telling them it isn't that simple.

But they're still my friends.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

But they're still my friends.

Glad to hear it. I ahve actually had people drop me entirely over this. I sort of understand their reaction -- for me, it's a theory; for them, it's their life. So I have learned to keep my mouth shut most of the time. However, when asked directly...

I am glad that we will continue to be friends. :-)

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

I;m glad to see you on the mend. I'm pretty sketchy and can't wait for the holidays to be over and life go on as normal. With both of us, it's kind of "Take one day at a time."