Eggplants and Anomie

[mallorys_camera]

I’ve been writing about eggplants. They have a fascinating history, the only edible member of the Nightshade family to originate in the First World. (They came originally from India.) From the start eggplants were on the front lines of the culinary class war: a staple throughout southern Europe as far back as the 13th century, they were dubbed Mad Apples in the north. Thomas Jefferson introduced the plant to the United States as an ornamental.

Little old ladies in black who scuttle down cobblestone alleys (like my paternal grandmother, dead these 20 years or more) thought there were male eggplants and female eggplants, distinguishable by the shape of the dimple on the blossom end: females have an oval depression; males, a sickle-shaped. Male eggplants are the ones you want to eat.

Eggplants are kind of the staple of Sicilian cookery, a cuisine that’s a culinary mosaic of the island’s many conquerors over the centuries. I’ve been craving them recently, frying them with tofu from which they’re practically indistinguishable in terms of texture and taste. Of course, nobody else in the house will eat them – more for me! Max when he was here last weekend made a very nice eggplant bruschetta with ricotta and tomatoes.

In other news, I’m finally back to doing all the practical errands that life and business entail. For the past six months or so I’ve been so depressed that I stopped doing anything. It didn’t matter that I was doing my very best to be organized and stay on top of things: it was all falling apart anyway. I don’t think I’m any less depressed now. Possibly less self-pitying.

But of course once I finally got it together to go back to doing practical stuff, I felt overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of all the stuff I have to do. And stressed. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating fast, shooting pains in my jaw from grinding my teeth so relentlessly. I watch hours and hours of bad television until finally I fall back to sleep.

I don’t know how to get myself out of the Hole. Honestly, I don’t.

Max is the only person I can talk about it with. And he initiates the conversations -- otherwise I wouldn't. I think of myself as a terrible drag these days, avoid all my friends -- which is ironic in a way because if I had a friend who was going through what I'm going through, I'd reach out to them any way that I could.

“I’m a failure, pure and simple,” I told Max as we were driving home from Aptos. “It’s hard to find the humility to live with that.”

“’Failure’ is such a relative term, isn’t it?” said Max. “What’s success? You’re healthy, a lot of people love you.”

“Maybe. But I feel like I’ve made such a mess of the practical end of things –“

“Sure. But you can walk away from that. Do something else.”

“At my age? Harder than you think.”

“You didn't make the economic crisis. You're one of literally millions of sad footnotes to it. And you could teach. You could do social work. I’ve always kind of wondered why you haven’t, frankly. You’re really empathetic.”

I just shook my head. I was trying to keep from crying.

“I want to be there for you, Mom,” said Max. “In any way I can be. Even on the worst days, life is just so crazy beautiful if you can just make yourself look outside yourself –“

True enough.

Comments

[nokomisjeff.livejournal.com]

Failure is only when you give up:)

Jeff

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Ya think? :-)

[ch.livejournal.com]

aww, i guess grown children can inspire their parents. i don't think i've managed that with mine.

p.s. what about potatoes and tomatoes?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Well, the parents have to be impressionable. Many of my cohorts are not -- & I don't mean that in a negative sense: certainty is the dividend the years are supposed to bring. Hasn't worked that way with me.

I love potatoes & tomatoes but they're not eggplants.

[ch.livejournal.com]

i was too brief ... i was saying potatoes & tomatoes are both in the nightshade family.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

And so are chili peppers.

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

i love eggplant.

and am also in a hole.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

How do we get out of our respective holes? Maybe eggplant is the SECRET.

[sulphuroxide.livejournal.com]

let us hope this is the case. i mean, let us obama this is the case. =p

[original-broad.livejournal.com]

Even on the worst days, life is just so crazy beautiful if you can just make yourself look outside yourself –“ I love how Max thinks. I used to think like that when I was a teenager. I wonder what happened...
...I am in a hole, too.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

One gets weighted down with responsibilities. They leave a tarry black residue in the soul. :-)

[idylld.livejournal.com]

Managed procrastination (Getting Things Done, David Allen) is the answer. Talk to me.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Tell me more about the book.

GTD

[idylld.livejournal.com]

It's become a bit of a cult, and I have to say, as a creative, absent-minded type, it has Really Helped. Here's an introduction:
http://www.43folders.com/2004/09/08/getting-started-with-getting-things-done
I'm volunteering to coach you on it. Just let me know.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't even know you but I love you. I love your writing and your thoughts. I imagine you are like my mom or aunt or something. Things have to turn around. We can't all be buried in this hole. You will get out. You probably won't even know how you did it. I hope the same for myself...

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

That is sweet of you to say. Thank you.