(no subject)

[mallorys_camera]

The LJ migration seems to have completely fucked up my notifications which is pissy.

It's not just the posting I like, it's the conversations that develop after the fact. But I can't have the conversations if I don't know when people are saying something.

Comments

[bel-ebat.livejournal.com]

i made the group! check your fb for the invite :)

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I did. And I posted my favorite Jackie quote. (It won't be your favorite Jackie quote, at least not for a few years I hope.)

[bel-ebat.livejournal.com]

haha. you don't know how often i've had girls my age tell me recently that they'd be delighted (i typoed this as 'deleted' which is telling) to "find" themselves pregnant and get to have the baby right now. i've had it dozens of times in the last year with alice, and she's even written about it- but it's not even a rare thing. it's practically rampant.

and what i don't understand is how i actually LIKE children and babies far more than these girls do- i mean, not my future hypothetical children, but other people's brats. i really, really like them. and they like me. and yet i cannot under any circumstances understand wanting to have a baby right now. it's not even this longing i'm suppressing at the moment- it just feels like common sense. i want to live for a fair amount of time as an adult in the world (not college!) before i have children. i feel like 2 things could happen if i didn't: (1) i'd have absolutely nothing worthwhile or interesting to share with my children as they get older and start to become adults themselves (2) i'll resent not having that experience and that resentment will somehow emerge in my relationship with them, sooner or later. i don't even want to start thinking about having a baby until i'm nearing 30.

surprisingly, for how little i care about being in a relationship, i feel more of an interest and even a longing in a sort of long-term partnership or even marriage- completely separate from the children. i would love having someone to travel with and examine work/project goals and successes with. and what's more, if something were to happen, we could part ways, or even divorce fairly cleanly, provided we didn't have children. i mean, maybe that's an over-romanticized view of things- i know it is. but another adult is another adult. a child is something i really want to do right, and that it's my responsibility to do right.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You're very sensible. Personally I think it's a real mistake to have children before one is thirty, for a number of different reasons, one of which is global -- the longer one generation puts off having offspring, the longer the gap between generations, which slows overpopulation -- and the other of which is personal for just the reasons you've mentioned.

I remember Alice's baby longing phase. She wrote about it. I was frightened!

Thing I finally realized is that for most of us, having children is the one thing we give to the future. When I was your age, I remember, I was consumed with this sense of my own destiny -- I was going to change the world with my words! And who knows, maybe I still will. Still, that's a sucker's bet. Children are the sure thing. It behooves you therefore as a thoughtful, moral human being to do the very best job at raising your children that you can.

Plus you know, you're instinctively wired to adore them.

Plus -- in parenting your children, you get to reparent yourself. Which can be very healthy for those of us whose own parents were damaged...

Yes, I know what you mean about that looking for a partner. I call it looking for my cosmic playmate.

[jactitation.livejournal.com]

Mine, too.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I'm relieved to hear that -- I mean not relieved that your notifications are screwy, that sucks. But at least I know for sure it's not on my end.

[dinahprincedaly.livejournal.com]

oh this is not good, this is very bad

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

It sucks!