Mommy DiLucchio's Sex Education Course
Aug. 24th, 2008 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mallorys_cameraRTT finally got hip. Computer viruses? Bad news. But wait – Macs don’t get computer viruses or such is the conventional wisdom and whaddiya know, beloved Mommy DiLucchio is a Mac evangelist in a household filled with PC heretics!
So every day for a week or so, I came home from the Little Store to find my browser purged clean of all preferences and passwords or indeed any trace of my personal history.
“Robin,” I snarled. “Stay off my computer.”
He wouldn't, I knew. He figures what's mine is his and what's his is also his. He went right on using my computer but he did stop clearing the cache.
This morning I finally had time to check up on him.
His favorite site?
www.megaeroticvideos.com
Huh. I guess the days of cruising cheat codes for Grand Theft Auto are finally over.
Actually I don’t have a problem with Robin looking at sexually oriented materials. He’s a thirteen-year-old boy after all. When isn’t he thinking about sex? When he’s thinking about acid drops and ollie kick-flips, I guess – though it could be argued that these are merely forms of foreplay since he mostly skateboards to look cool for girls.
I do have a problem with Robin looking at megaeroticvideos.com however because it’s filled with titles like Double D Taks (sic) It Up the Ass; Cum Bath For Blak (sic) Sheila and Her Naughty Friends, and Chinese Pussy – Not Slanted! (okay, I made that one up) which I think are exploitative and disgusting.
Clearly it was time for a Mommy/Robin talk!
The Robintorium is a forbidding place these days. Once a week he gives in to my maternal nagging and cleans his room otherwise the entire house would have been condemned by the Health Department a long time ago.
I knock on the door. “Ro-bin!” I say in a high cheery voice.
An answering grunt.
“I’m coming in,” I say and wait thirty seconds for him to zip his pants or whatever he needs to do. It is hard to envision my beautiful Renaissance page of a boy child with his preternaturally long eyelashes as a horny teenager, a camel in rut, but like Ben always tells me, Don’t anthropomorphize and I am determined to cut to the chase!
“So, Robin,” I say with a hearty smile. “Megaeroticvideos dot com?”
Instantly he turns beet red, crawls into his bed and pulls the covers up over his head. “I’m not discussing this with you, Mom,” he says in a muffled voice.
“It’s completely natural,” I reassure him. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Mom –“
“Sex is wonderful and of course, now that you’ve reached puberty it’s perfectly normal that you’re curious – “
“Mom, please –“
“I’ll get you a subscription to Playboy! You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Or Penthouse if it’s still being published. I draw the line at Hustler though because you’re a little young for labia plus the photography isn’t really up to par –“
“Stop it, Mom –“
“But megaeroticvideos dot com! Robin, Robin, Robin. They objectify women, that’s just wrong!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Mom but whatever it is I want you to stop. Now!”
“I’m talking about feminism, dear! And the sexual subjugation of women at the hands of the male hegemony! That can’t possibly turn you, can it? Shall I explain the difference between pornography and erotica to you?”
He sat up and pulled the covers away from his head. “I’d rather you didn’t,” he hissed.
“And I’d rather you didn’t use my computer to log on to megaeroticvideos.com,” I hissed right back. “So tit for tat. So to speak.”
We’ll see if Ordeal By Extreme Embarrassment works as a deterrent.
So every day for a week or so, I came home from the Little Store to find my browser purged clean of all preferences and passwords or indeed any trace of my personal history.
“Robin,” I snarled. “Stay off my computer.”
He wouldn't, I knew. He figures what's mine is his and what's his is also his. He went right on using my computer but he did stop clearing the cache.
This morning I finally had time to check up on him.
His favorite site?
www.megaeroticvideos.com
Huh. I guess the days of cruising cheat codes for Grand Theft Auto are finally over.
Actually I don’t have a problem with Robin looking at sexually oriented materials. He’s a thirteen-year-old boy after all. When isn’t he thinking about sex? When he’s thinking about acid drops and ollie kick-flips, I guess – though it could be argued that these are merely forms of foreplay since he mostly skateboards to look cool for girls.
I do have a problem with Robin looking at megaeroticvideos.com however because it’s filled with titles like Double D Taks (sic) It Up the Ass; Cum Bath For Blak (sic) Sheila and Her Naughty Friends, and Chinese Pussy – Not Slanted! (okay, I made that one up) which I think are exploitative and disgusting.
Clearly it was time for a Mommy/Robin talk!
The Robintorium is a forbidding place these days. Once a week he gives in to my maternal nagging and cleans his room otherwise the entire house would have been condemned by the Health Department a long time ago.
I knock on the door. “Ro-bin!” I say in a high cheery voice.
An answering grunt.
“I’m coming in,” I say and wait thirty seconds for him to zip his pants or whatever he needs to do. It is hard to envision my beautiful Renaissance page of a boy child with his preternaturally long eyelashes as a horny teenager, a camel in rut, but like Ben always tells me, Don’t anthropomorphize and I am determined to cut to the chase!
“So, Robin,” I say with a hearty smile. “Megaeroticvideos dot com?”
Instantly he turns beet red, crawls into his bed and pulls the covers up over his head. “I’m not discussing this with you, Mom,” he says in a muffled voice.
“It’s completely natural,” I reassure him. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Mom –“
“Sex is wonderful and of course, now that you’ve reached puberty it’s perfectly normal that you’re curious – “
“Mom, please –“
“I’ll get you a subscription to Playboy! You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Or Penthouse if it’s still being published. I draw the line at Hustler though because you’re a little young for labia plus the photography isn’t really up to par –“
“Stop it, Mom –“
“But megaeroticvideos dot com! Robin, Robin, Robin. They objectify women, that’s just wrong!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Mom but whatever it is I want you to stop. Now!”
“I’m talking about feminism, dear! And the sexual subjugation of women at the hands of the male hegemony! That can’t possibly turn you, can it? Shall I explain the difference between pornography and erotica to you?”
He sat up and pulled the covers away from his head. “I’d rather you didn’t,” he hissed.
“And I’d rather you didn’t use my computer to log on to megaeroticvideos.com,” I hissed right back. “So tit for tat. So to speak.”
We’ll see if Ordeal By Extreme Embarrassment works as a deterrent.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-24 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 06:01 am (UTC)I could feel the squirming from over here!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 12:29 pm (UTC)Jess
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:16 pm (UTC)I settled for asking a friend for a site
What's the site? And how do you get your son to use it? I mean, the Mommy Stamp of Approval removes all erotic frisson, doesn't it?
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:59 pm (UTC)The site is http://domai.com/ and I told him it was recommended by my sister's boyfriend, someone he admires a great deal. Luckily, we have quite an open relationship at this point and he has no problem with my recommendation, although I feel somewhat like a pimp.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:31 pm (UTC)There's a lot to be said for having kids later in life -- the timing with Max was perfect.
Robin, on the other hand, was a happy accident -- I can't say if I knew then what I know now, I never would have had him because I love him dearly and often, he's a joy. However... It is very hard to have a teenager when you're as old as I am now (56.) I just don't have the energy to keep up with him. That's really tough on him, I'm sure.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:55 pm (UTC)Parenting sure looks tough to me. I don't think a healthy set of reproductive equipment is adequate qualification for just anyone to have a kid. For a long time I felt like my mother should never have had children. And she probably felt that way, too, for a time.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 02:51 pm (UTC)Brilliant!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 07:47 pm (UTC)Hopefully he won't go back to clearing the cache now...