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mallorys_cameraReally, all I want to do this morning is stay in bed and muse about the amazing interview I saw on Fox News last night between Sean Hannity, poster boy for the ranting, conservative right, and Dog the Erstwhile Bounty Hunter. Yes, I know I shouldn't be watching Fox News. But honestly, it's so-o-o much more entertaining than MSNBC.
The studio lights were not kind to Dog. There were furrows through the heavy pancake makeup on his forehead somewhat reminiscent of freshly ploughed Oklahoma cornfields awaiting their seed. Plus he has a bald spot – naked, pink old man's scalp shining through the weaves of his famous Injun warrior hair-do. A&E never showed us the bald spot.
Between tears, Dog explained to us that the reason he used to use the N-word – and never, never henceforth will it pass his lips! – is because he thinks of himself as a black man and they use the N-word!
"But, Dog," says Sean Hannity, never one to pass up the chance to point out the obvious, "you're not a black man."
(Okay, I made that part up.)
True, says Dog. But even now he's making arrangements to have himself buried in an unmarked grave next to George Washington's slaves at Mt. Vernon.
O-kay.
In other news, there's an old Twilight Zone episode – or maybe it's The Outer Limits – where this ship gets wrecked on this rocky outcrop in the North Atlantic, hideous and isolated, and when rescuers finally find them, its passengers have all turned into lichen! Eeeeeeeew!
That's what I feel like today as we head into our third consecutive day of thick, ground-creeping, grey fog – a lichen person!
This morning I have to do battle with my KBQ pals who claim to have an unpaid invoice. This means I must sift through a huge blue folder filled with unorganized KBQ invoices and then cross-reference them against my bank statements, an unfulfilling exercise that will take an hour or so. I know I'm right.
Then I have to do battle with the Moneygram people to see why they aren't releasing the funds I sent to the Italian mask maker who has two incredibly beautiful and sinister Medico della Peste masks to send me.
Then I go to Staples to buy office supplies! Thence to the post office to ship out Internet orders plus mail the latest copies of The National Enquirer to Annie who reads them religiously but for strange reasons having to do with moral conscience (she tried to explain them to me once) refuses to buy them.
Then I hop off to the store.
Nick at the Hot Sauce Blog gave us a very nice little write-up. Thank you, Nick!
The studio lights were not kind to Dog. There were furrows through the heavy pancake makeup on his forehead somewhat reminiscent of freshly ploughed Oklahoma cornfields awaiting their seed. Plus he has a bald spot – naked, pink old man's scalp shining through the weaves of his famous Injun warrior hair-do. A&E never showed us the bald spot.
Between tears, Dog explained to us that the reason he used to use the N-word – and never, never henceforth will it pass his lips! – is because he thinks of himself as a black man and they use the N-word!
"But, Dog," says Sean Hannity, never one to pass up the chance to point out the obvious, "you're not a black man."
(Okay, I made that part up.)
True, says Dog. But even now he's making arrangements to have himself buried in an unmarked grave next to George Washington's slaves at Mt. Vernon.
O-kay.
In other news, there's an old Twilight Zone episode – or maybe it's The Outer Limits – where this ship gets wrecked on this rocky outcrop in the North Atlantic, hideous and isolated, and when rescuers finally find them, its passengers have all turned into lichen! Eeeeeeeew!
That's what I feel like today as we head into our third consecutive day of thick, ground-creeping, grey fog – a lichen person!
This morning I have to do battle with my KBQ pals who claim to have an unpaid invoice. This means I must sift through a huge blue folder filled with unorganized KBQ invoices and then cross-reference them against my bank statements, an unfulfilling exercise that will take an hour or so. I know I'm right.
Then I have to do battle with the Moneygram people to see why they aren't releasing the funds I sent to the Italian mask maker who has two incredibly beautiful and sinister Medico della Peste masks to send me.
Then I go to Staples to buy office supplies! Thence to the post office to ship out Internet orders plus mail the latest copies of The National Enquirer to Annie who reads them religiously but for strange reasons having to do with moral conscience (she tried to explain them to me once) refuses to buy them.
Then I hop off to the store.
Nick at the Hot Sauce Blog gave us a very nice little write-up. Thank you, Nick!
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-07 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-08 06:24 pm (UTC)How's the NanoWri stuff coming? You stopped posting.
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Date: 2007-11-07 07:33 pm (UTC)You can't fool me, I've _lived_ in Monterey, I KNOW you've had more consecutive days of fog than THAT!. :-P
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Date: 2007-11-08 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-07 07:50 pm (UTC)How in the world do you come up with gems like this?
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Date: 2007-11-08 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-08 02:58 am (UTC)Thanks.
Now my crazy pregnant brain will probably dream of either Dog or that asshole Sean Hannity. Gross.
Have you ever looked at ordering office supplies online? They delivered for free to the oil company I used to admin. We used Office Depot, they delivered an order placed before 3pm the next day, and it was WAY easier than going to the store for paper,pens, envelopes, trashags, staples, blah blah blah all the litany of crapola you have to have to run an office/business. I tried for a whole year to get them to try it at the restaurant, but I think they secretly LIKED wasting an afternoon going to the office supply store.
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Date: 2007-11-08 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-09 02:13 pm (UTC)I've just never been able to relax about spending that time knowing that there were a mil.4 in invoices to write or 160 pounds of chicken to bone waiting for me at work :)