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Todgers and Tiaras
Jan. 10th, 2023 09:00 amI’m following the California rainstorms with lots of interest.
Torrential rains take out the Central California Coast every five years or so. Are these rains different because meteorologists have invented a new term—“atmospheric river”—to describe them? I ask because I honestly don’t know.
I mean, maybe they are more intense this time.
But I lived in nearby Monterey for a decade, and I remember at least one previous time when storms completely wiped out the tiny, charming town of Capitola—whose business district is built on stilts over the ocean and whose most magnificent houses have wharves on Soquel Creek.
They rebuilt.
I guess because though they are all lockstep and left-leaning, in their hearts, they don’t actually believe in climate change.
Or they think their intense hatred of Donald Trump will somehow protect them from climate change.
If I were them, I’d sell my overpriced property in a place that the ocean will be wiping out for good in another 25 years or so and move someplace else.
Not the California Delta!
Not New Orleans!
Not Battery Park in NYC!
But to high ground.
###
Annie may be moldering in Memory Acres, but she’s a millionaire thanks to a mudslide that took out her little cabin atop the now flooding Soquel Creek, which the County of Santa Cruz was forced to compensate her for.
Evil Alicia has a house in the flats of tony Aptos. I am hoping her house is flooded and that she doesn’t have flood insurance—this being one of the great joys of advancing age: I am no longer the slightest bit embarrassed or ashamed of harboring vindictive thoughts towards people I don’t like.
Fuck ‘em all! Here!
Have another heaping helping of malocchio.
###
What I would really like is for a big sinkhole to open up under Montecito.
Wouldn’t that be great?
No more Oprah! No more Ellen DeGeneres! No more sniveling Prince Harry and his creepy arriviste wife!
Although, actually, I hope Prince Harry survives till he pens a sequel to his autobiography, which I’m guessing will be titled Todgers and Tiaras.
###
What else?
I overdid the Naprosyn for my back yesterday, which made me sick in that yucky, sub-threshold way that zaps the joy in everything.
Consequently, I canceled all my social engagements. Because they all involved eating (yuck!)
I attempted Remuneration and TaxBwana studies, but my heart wasn’t in them, so shortly, I will be scuttling off underprepared for another round of bor-r-r-ring 1040 indoctrinations.
Fortunately, I will be shuttling off with Neighbor Ed! Who will keep me amused.
I am feeling much, much better today, thank goodness. My back is almost back—heh, heh, heh—to normal.
And as God is my witness, I will never use Naprosyn again!!!!
Torrential rains take out the Central California Coast every five years or so. Are these rains different because meteorologists have invented a new term—“atmospheric river”—to describe them? I ask because I honestly don’t know.
I mean, maybe they are more intense this time.
But I lived in nearby Monterey for a decade, and I remember at least one previous time when storms completely wiped out the tiny, charming town of Capitola—whose business district is built on stilts over the ocean and whose most magnificent houses have wharves on Soquel Creek.
They rebuilt.
I guess because though they are all lockstep and left-leaning, in their hearts, they don’t actually believe in climate change.
Or they think their intense hatred of Donald Trump will somehow protect them from climate change.
If I were them, I’d sell my overpriced property in a place that the ocean will be wiping out for good in another 25 years or so and move someplace else.
Not the California Delta!
Not New Orleans!
Not Battery Park in NYC!
But to high ground.
###
Annie may be moldering in Memory Acres, but she’s a millionaire thanks to a mudslide that took out her little cabin atop the now flooding Soquel Creek, which the County of Santa Cruz was forced to compensate her for.
Evil Alicia has a house in the flats of tony Aptos. I am hoping her house is flooded and that she doesn’t have flood insurance—this being one of the great joys of advancing age: I am no longer the slightest bit embarrassed or ashamed of harboring vindictive thoughts towards people I don’t like.
Fuck ‘em all! Here!
Have another heaping helping of malocchio.
###
What I would really like is for a big sinkhole to open up under Montecito.
Wouldn’t that be great?
No more Oprah! No more Ellen DeGeneres! No more sniveling Prince Harry and his creepy arriviste wife!
Although, actually, I hope Prince Harry survives till he pens a sequel to his autobiography, which I’m guessing will be titled Todgers and Tiaras.
###
What else?
I overdid the Naprosyn for my back yesterday, which made me sick in that yucky, sub-threshold way that zaps the joy in everything.
Consequently, I canceled all my social engagements. Because they all involved eating (yuck!)
I attempted Remuneration and TaxBwana studies, but my heart wasn’t in them, so shortly, I will be scuttling off underprepared for another round of bor-r-r-ring 1040 indoctrinations.
Fortunately, I will be shuttling off with Neighbor Ed! Who will keep me amused.
I am feeling much, much better today, thank goodness. My back is almost back—heh, heh, heh—to normal.
And as God is my witness, I will never use Naprosyn again!!!!
