Mildly Not Wildly

Quite the fabulous day weatherwise.

I was mildly not wildly productive.

Remunerated all morning.

In the early afternoon, I toddled off to the garden and met this spunky fellow:

Watch on YouTube

My garden is just not doing very well this year.

In retrospect, I should have ruthlessly dug out all those opportunistic Black-Eyed Susans that ended up taking over my pollinator garden.

Ah, well. I dug up a lot of dead flowers yesterday.

And the fermented garlic concoction I’ve been spraying on my eggplants, collards and replanted basil does seem to be having the desired insecticidal effect.

This was the day’s harvest:



In the evening, L&C invited me to have dinner with them.

But I could barely talk and had to excuse myself early.

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It feels like I’m waiting for a message from somebody.

But I don’t know who that somebody is.

Though RTT reminds me that we are coming up on the three-year? four-year? anniversary of Ben’s death, so maybe it’s Ben.

With all his immense flaws of character, Ben was always my favorite person in the world to talk to.

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I’m thinking in the fall, it might be interesting to book a retreat in one of those psychedelic resorts that have popped up all over Vermont.

Ayahuasca doesn’t interest me at all. I hate vomiting.

Ketamine and LSD would probably be too strong. I’ve never done ketamine—its on-label use as an animal tranquilizer is a major turnoff—but I did LSD many, many times in my dissolute youth when I had little to lose because such ego as I possessed back then was as transient a state as any hallucinatory wobblies and insights.

And I’m not sure I possess any more ego today, but I am much better at prioritizing and organizing. I think it would seriously freak me if those two hard-staked facilities were lost even for a brief moment. There are no brief moments on LSD. On LSD, every moment is an eternity.

But I’m confident I could handle psilocybin.

I don’t feel mentally unhealthy or anything.

Just as though I’m gravity-bound. If some messenger were to try and get my attention, I’d miss it.