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Cryptic Ruminating
Oct. 10th, 2014 08:46 amThe trajectory is upward generally, but I keep making the same stupid fucking mistake and then having to live with the fallout from that same fucking mistake. Well. At least, in this instance the fallout is time-limited. In four days, I won’t even think about it. ‘Cause I’m a grasshopper at heart.
Sigh.
Oh-so-minor blip on life’s periphery.
Sigh.
But I over-react, sink into deep sloughs of self-loathing ‘cause that’s the way I was raised.
Because I do keep putting off necessary chores since you know what? They’re actually not all that necessary to the way I live my life.
Still.
Coming out of these paroxysms of deep self-loathing, I look around and think, Everyone is happy except you-u-u-u-u, shithead.
Which is not necessarily the case.
I mean – I do know some people who through a combination of fortuitous circumstance and mindfulness do seem to be happy, and I’m lucky to know those people.
Most people I know, though, are struggling. They live with eyes on the back of their heads. In the shadow of the guillotine.
It makes me nutty to think how all life is lived on these two levels: What’s essential and what’s distracting. And how often I opt for what’s distracting. I mean, shit – I know better.
Sigh.
Oh-so-minor blip on life’s periphery.
Sigh.
But I over-react, sink into deep sloughs of self-loathing ‘cause that’s the way I was raised.
Because I do keep putting off necessary chores since you know what? They’re actually not all that necessary to the way I live my life.
Still.
Coming out of these paroxysms of deep self-loathing, I look around and think, Everyone is happy except you-u-u-u-u, shithead.
Which is not necessarily the case.
I mean – I do know some people who through a combination of fortuitous circumstance and mindfulness do seem to be happy, and I’m lucky to know those people.
Most people I know, though, are struggling. They live with eyes on the back of their heads. In the shadow of the guillotine.
It makes me nutty to think how all life is lived on these two levels: What’s essential and what’s distracting. And how often I opt for what’s distracting. I mean, shit – I know better.
