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Marrying Bill
Dec. 6th, 2013 07:47 amNelson Mandela... Extraordinary life. He may have been one of those exceedingly rare individuals who actually changed history, rather than one of the more common garden variety human beings in the right place at the right time to be conscripted into leading the parade when change is inevitable.
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Dreamed I remarried Bill, my first husband. He gave me two rings -- one had a very peculiar plumb-bot shaped diamond, quite large. We were quite jolly together. I thought, Now I'm back where I belong, not that the past was exactly a mistake -- I got Robin -- but now everything is right again.
My first divorce was remarkably unacrimonious -- at least on my end. Bill remarried relatively quickly. His second wife is extremely well suited to him, and they are very happy together. There was some animosity between me and MaryAnn for the first ten years or so, but for the past 15 years, we've been friendly and at times even friends.
I suppose the dream was related to Annie giving Max the Volvo.
When I heard MaryAnn was pregnant (with Madeleine), I went to pieces. It was really painful to think that my son would have a sibling that I hadn't given birth to. Can't tell you why. Maybe because I've always felt like such a freak because my family was so dysfunctional. The one thing I really wanted to give my child was a family but I couldn't even do that.
Anyway, Annie took me aside and said, How can it ever be wrong for a child to have more people to love him?
And I had to see the logic of her words. Had to understand that it was really my own ego that was wounded here. In the larger scheme of things, my ego is entirely unimportant.
I'm not speaking to Annie these days. My choice. It's psychologically easier for me to cut off my mother's family entirely for many, many reasons. I don't miss them. But when Max told me about the Volvo, I got really upset and I realized it was the same upset I'd felt 20 or however many years ago when I found out about MaryAnn's pregnancy.
Go figure.
Dreamed I remarried Bill, my first husband. He gave me two rings -- one had a very peculiar plumb-bot shaped diamond, quite large. We were quite jolly together. I thought, Now I'm back where I belong, not that the past was exactly a mistake -- I got Robin -- but now everything is right again.
My first divorce was remarkably unacrimonious -- at least on my end. Bill remarried relatively quickly. His second wife is extremely well suited to him, and they are very happy together. There was some animosity between me and MaryAnn for the first ten years or so, but for the past 15 years, we've been friendly and at times even friends.
I suppose the dream was related to Annie giving Max the Volvo.
When I heard MaryAnn was pregnant (with Madeleine), I went to pieces. It was really painful to think that my son would have a sibling that I hadn't given birth to. Can't tell you why. Maybe because I've always felt like such a freak because my family was so dysfunctional. The one thing I really wanted to give my child was a family but I couldn't even do that.
Anyway, Annie took me aside and said, How can it ever be wrong for a child to have more people to love him?
And I had to see the logic of her words. Had to understand that it was really my own ego that was wounded here. In the larger scheme of things, my ego is entirely unimportant.
I'm not speaking to Annie these days. My choice. It's psychologically easier for me to cut off my mother's family entirely for many, many reasons. I don't miss them. But when Max told me about the Volvo, I got really upset and I realized it was the same upset I'd felt 20 or however many years ago when I found out about MaryAnn's pregnancy.
Go figure.
