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In the shower I finally figured out why I loathe Scientologists – they don't have holidays! No meet-and-make-merries; no innocent, drunken, seasonal sport with funny hats and a c-meter. No chance for little retailers to whip Tom Cruise into a feeding frenzy over Paris Hilton's new BBQ sauce or Light My Fart, Elmo, the only hot sauce with the Children's Television Network seal of approval.
What I couldn't figure out was why JDK was so adamant about not letting Tiny Tom pimp for Cirque Du Méprise at the Fox television studios in Waco. I mean, central Texas is all about getting pimped by the world's smallest horse.
"For one thing, the horse isn't housebroken," said JDK.
"So? It won't be the first time Fox television has had to deal with horse shit in the studio," I said gaily.
"And, anyway, there is no way we can get him to Waco by 10:30 in the morning. He rides in a semi – we're driving from Oklahoma that day. And when we have wonderful performers who can do great things for the camera, I can't see how a pony that is trained to stand still and have his photo taken can do anything to promote the show."
"The pony is cute," I said. "People go for cute."
"In that part of Texas you see miniature ponies in every fucking ranch along the highway."
"All the more reason. They'll compare their pony with Roy's pony. 'Mine is smaller', they'll think and it will be the first time since the high school locker room that comparison will bring them joy."
"Forget the fucking pony," said JDK.
"What pony?" I asked.
I must say, though, sometimes JDK's inflexibility pisses me off.
What I like about central Texas is that it's still a place where a miniature pony that does nothing but stand and snort and shit still has currency. That's how primitive their media is. Really, it's like climbing inside a time machine, going through a time warp where the earliest days of newspapers, TV stations and the worldwide web all exist simultaneously. The news anchors all list "prayer" as their number one hobby on their bio page. Web sites are done in clashing shades of fuscia and magenta, with liberal use of HTML blink.
But this is very fertile ground for the Little Circus. We mint money in central Texas. In fact, we've been minting money ever since we left Colorado.
I wish I could say the same for my other enterprise, the Little Store. October has been a horrible month for the Little Store. I wish I knew why. Is it the weather, a thick, impenetrable marine layer? Is it consumer confidence? Is it the fact that my inventory is down and I'm trapped in that shopkeeper's dilemma, to wit: how to I pay bills and buy inventory when foot traffic is down?
Cannery Row is dead.
I suspect the only way I'm ever gonna build customer base is through the website. Homer-cam! Log on and watch the idiots as they sing and dance along with Homer Simpson! It annoys the fuck out of me when I watch it from behind my counter – I mean, one woman this morning actually flashed her tits, and trust me this was not a woman you wanted flashing her tits. But I dunno. At the very least I could put a couple of video clips on You-Tube. Everything's more fun when you watch it on a computer, right?
[Poll #846261]
What I couldn't figure out was why JDK was so adamant about not letting Tiny Tom pimp for Cirque Du Méprise at the Fox television studios in Waco. I mean, central Texas is all about getting pimped by the world's smallest horse.
"For one thing, the horse isn't housebroken," said JDK.
"So? It won't be the first time Fox television has had to deal with horse shit in the studio," I said gaily.
"And, anyway, there is no way we can get him to Waco by 10:30 in the morning. He rides in a semi – we're driving from Oklahoma that day. And when we have wonderful performers who can do great things for the camera, I can't see how a pony that is trained to stand still and have his photo taken can do anything to promote the show."
"The pony is cute," I said. "People go for cute."
"In that part of Texas you see miniature ponies in every fucking ranch along the highway."
"All the more reason. They'll compare their pony with Roy's pony. 'Mine is smaller', they'll think and it will be the first time since the high school locker room that comparison will bring them joy."
"Forget the fucking pony," said JDK.
"What pony?" I asked.
I must say, though, sometimes JDK's inflexibility pisses me off.
What I like about central Texas is that it's still a place where a miniature pony that does nothing but stand and snort and shit still has currency. That's how primitive their media is. Really, it's like climbing inside a time machine, going through a time warp where the earliest days of newspapers, TV stations and the worldwide web all exist simultaneously. The news anchors all list "prayer" as their number one hobby on their bio page. Web sites are done in clashing shades of fuscia and magenta, with liberal use of HTML blink.
But this is very fertile ground for the Little Circus. We mint money in central Texas. In fact, we've been minting money ever since we left Colorado.
I wish I could say the same for my other enterprise, the Little Store. October has been a horrible month for the Little Store. I wish I knew why. Is it the weather, a thick, impenetrable marine layer? Is it consumer confidence? Is it the fact that my inventory is down and I'm trapped in that shopkeeper's dilemma, to wit: how to I pay bills and buy inventory when foot traffic is down?
Cannery Row is dead.
I suspect the only way I'm ever gonna build customer base is through the website. Homer-cam! Log on and watch the idiots as they sing and dance along with Homer Simpson! It annoys the fuck out of me when I watch it from behind my counter – I mean, one woman this morning actually flashed her tits, and trust me this was not a woman you wanted flashing her tits. But I dunno. At the very least I could put a couple of video clips on You-Tube. Everything's more fun when you watch it on a computer, right?
[Poll #846261]
