Life Without Cigarettes (Part 53)

[mallorys_camera]

The bad thing about not smoking is that I don’t have an excuse anymore to stand outside and spy on the ocean.

I mean I could go outside for the express purpose of viewing the ocean, I suppose, but that feels decadent somehow, going outside to look at something just because I want to look at it as opposed to going outside to prime my alveoli with gaseous carcinogens.

Not smoking’s been even harder since Ben’s been in Mexico. Ben is kind of the yardstick – we quit smoking on the same day but then he started up again three days later.

“I’m not smoking that much,” he’ll say. “And I really don’t take that many puffs – it’s more like I hold the cigarette between my fingers while it burns down.”

Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.

When Ben’s not around, there’s no one to feel morally superior to. Plus I know where he keeps his stash. It would be oh-so-easy to snag his cigarettes, smoke them all. Of course then I’d have to go to the store to buy a pack to replace the ones I’d smoked and after I replenished his stash, I’d have all these extra cigarettes lying around and it would be a shame to waste them, wouldn’t it? Think of all those starving children in India whose misery is accentuated because they don’t have cigarettes! I’d have to smoke them, it would be my moral obligation. And after that I would think, Well, this is kind of fun. There’s no reason why smoking can’t be like drinking, an activity to be indulged in moderation. A vodka Collins, a nice Camel Wide… And nicotine is good with breakfast cereal too; in fact, a little known fact about nicotine – little known because I just made it up: it actually enhances the tooth-whitening properties of Crest –

Pretty soon you’re on your tush sliding down that slippery slope into actual drug-seeking behaviors (as the literature so quaintly dubs them.)

No, I can’t let myself smoke. Not even a single cigarette. Not even one tiny drag.

Damn it all.

Comments

[quiet-life.livejournal.com]

i haven't tried to quit lately (lately as in the last 3 years). i am such a wuss, so kudos to you for not avoiding reality.
however, in one of my past futile attempts at quitting, i ended up backsliding with the just one! rationalization. i'd hide in the utility room behind the garage. as you point out above, it wasn't long before i was back to my old habit. then j admitted he knew i had been smoking down there, but didn't say anything about it because he was happy the house didn't reek and i was less inclined to bitch him out over nothing.
it must be damn hard to do the ocean watching. you accidentally turned it into a trigger.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

you accidentally turned it into a trigger.

Exactamente. Odd thing about it is that at the two month mark, I'm actually finding it harder to resist temptation than I did early on. It's not about the nicotine anymore. It's about that twitchy void that the nicotine filled. Weird!

I suspect at some point it gets easier.

[pageeater.livejournal.com]

I'd say take up lollipops and look at the ocean while sucking, but I'm not a smoker so what do I know. Not a damn thing...except I can see how hard this is and I applaud you for your 'today.'

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you. I appreciate good thoughts sent my way.

[cat-herder.livejournal.com]

Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things someone can do.

You do have my permission to go stare at the ocean, however. Say hi to the otters for me.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I saw a pair of otters having sex last week. Not a particularly tender courtship ritual, that one.

[ndozo.livejournal.com]

Be strong. Send the cigs to the deprived subcontinental kiddies and take up something aerobic that makes your chest hurt. It will be worth it and you can always start again when you're 88.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

Yeah, about the only thing that makes the twitchy feeling go away is the 20 mile bike rides I've been going on. My lungs don't hurt anymore when I exercise. Only my legs.

Seriously, I'm given myself permission to start smoking again when I'm 75.

[dinahprincedaly.livejournal.com]

novel about a gal who quits smoking and runs a hot sauce shop where mucho gossip and small town big stuff takes place titled: The Slow Burn
but you've already thought of this right?

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

You know even though I could write a novel like that in six weeks and it would soar to the top of the bestseller lists and I would be rich beyond my wildest dreams of avarice and have to write follow-up nonfiction about my adoreable dogs and the Life Lessons they've taught me, I would rather write turgid, cryptic Don DeLillo impersonations.

Take me outside right now and shoot me.

[dinahprincedaly.livejournal.com]

oh come on, don't shoot, do it! the characterization of the relationship with the husband is the best part... I am already imagining the hot and hilarious sex scenes...

[bandicoot.livejournal.com]

I quit twice. The first time I went through what you're talking about. That lasted about 2 years before heavy short-term GJ stress plus being surrounded by smokers caused me to give in with the promise that at the end of the GJ term (about 6 months), I'd quit for good.

When that time came, I sat down with a pack and chain smoked the whole thing. Fast. Aversion therapy. Instead of thinking about how good a cigarette felt after a meal, I'd just feel sick to my stomach.

That took. It's been 28 years. I can be around smokers, be around cigarette smoke, and even smoke cigars (on the rare occasion) without feeling one bit tempted. I just think, "Yuk!"

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I should have done something like chain smoking an entire pack in an hour. It's still a positive stimuli for me, something I enjoy.

[hotelsamurai.livejournal.com]

In college, one of the upper-division psychology electives I took was Psychoactive Drugs.

"What are you taking this quarter?"

"This quarter, I'm taking Psychoactive Drugs..."

I never tired of that little double entendre.

A factoid I remember from the class, though, is this:

One population of heroin addicts with an unusually high rate of recovery was Vietnam veterans. Of the people who started shooting dope in Vietnam, a relatively large number quit when they returned stateside.

One proposed explanation for this phenomenon was the radical change of environment. Civilian junkies, when they try to kick, often have to contend with the same house, same neighborhood, same friends, same job prospects that they had while they were still high. This prevalence of triggers makes it easier to relapse. Whereas, for returning Vietnam vets, the culture shock of coming home again facilitated their recovery.

I mention all that just to say this: I quit smoking about two months ago, but it was relatively easy because I moved to a different environment and changed a lot of things at the same time. I have relatively few triggers to contend with, and it hasn't been too much trouble for me to stay stopped.

Whereas YOU (I assume) have had no such sudden and total change of circumstance, just a sudden and total withdrawal of nicotine. That's harder.

But hang in there. It's easier to stay quit than to quit again. Or so I'm told.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

That is really interesting about Vietnam vets and their low recidivism rates. Huh! Thanks.

[thewindrose.livejournal.com]

I've never had an interest in smoking, but I have frequently been jealous of the the 7 minutes of ocean watching. Well, here in Michigan we don't get a lot of ocean watching in, but you know what I mean. That time to sit outside, relax, stop thinking. You don't have to do anything - you are smoking! Whereas for the rest of us standing outside in the sun doing nothing just seems lazy or even daffy. I say we start our own standing outside in the sun doing nothing revolution! If someone asks what were are doing we will tell them we are outside, enjoying not smoking.