Payment Overdue

[mallorys_camera]

Invoice still has not been paid.

Client has responded to my tactful emails by saying (a) accountant has received the invoice and (b) things are slow due to the holiday season and most of the staff are off.

Do I believe them?

No.

I think they are having cash flow issues.

I am trying not to see this as a referendum on my worth as a human being on Planet Earth, but I gotta say it's difficult: Their cash flow situation has now become my cash flow situation! The interconnectness of all human beings is not always a blessing (cf. bubonic plague & corona virus epidemics.)

Resilience! I counsel myself. 80% to 90% of all freelance invoices get paid—eventually. (I made that number up.)

Resilience is a hard sell, though. I've always had such a hard time with uncertainty that often, I find myself sabotaging situations because a negative outcome feels better than an uncertain outcome.

It's a good thing I took that tax position with Soul-Sucking Company.

I was hoping it was going to supplement my freelance income, but this morning I am thinking it will have to replace my freelance income: Assuming the invoice does get paid (which is still the most likely outcome), I don't think I can deal with the post-invoicing anxiety anymore. When I lived in Dutchess County, my living expenses were a lot lower, and I had a small savings account that gave me some peace of mind in situations like this. Now, I don't.

###

Anyway, I must figure out a way to offset the anxiety because I have about 500 pages of the U.S. tax code to memorize—well nigh Talmudic in its abstruseness—& then I will be toddling off to the gym, and thence, to NYC for Flushing Chinese and Hamnet with Flavia & Betsy. Chinese food & movies are the traditional Jewish Xmas celebration.

I really, really miss Brian. He is the one person I could talk to about this. He would enfold me in his warm and magnetic personality and give me wise counsel. Instead I am writing it here & picturing invisible people shaking their heads: Gawd! She's such a trainwreck.

Comments

[halfmoon_mollie1]

I hope you are able to enjoy the Chinese food and the movie. You deserve some fun.

[mallorys_camera]

Thanks.

[lethe1]

I don't believe anyone here thinks of you as a trainwreck.

Wishing you a good time and a swiftly paid invoice.

[mallorys_camera]

I've actually had online readers tell me I am a trainwreck. I suppose because I write about just about everything that happens to me, the good and the bad. People who are not trainwrecks only write about the good. 😀

[lookfar2]

No judgement on this end. I have similar issues with cashflow but with a larger in and out. Last city tax pmt came from some savings we'd stashed with the money people (you see how well I understand this). I feel both mildly embarrassed about this and unfairly resentful because wasn't someone, some REAL GROWNUP, supposed to arrange for me to be protected eternally at retirement age?

[mallorys_camera]

Bingo! If I were a REAL GROWNUP, then I'd have a few thousand in a savings account I could draw on for liquidity emergencies.

[asakiyume]

Ugh, so sorry that they haven't paid yet. Like you, I'm pretty sure they're going to pay, but this still sucks, and I think having a sure-thing income stream would do wonders for your mental health.

I'm really, really sorry for the gaping loss that's Brian ;_;

[mallorys_camera]

They've paid me now. And actually, they paid me in a reasonable amount of time. It's me that's just so incredibly neurotic about all of this. I think what I need to do is stash a few thousand in a savings account, so I'm not always hand-to-mouthing it.