mallorys_camera | Payment Overdue

Invoice still has not been paid.

Client has responded to my tactful emails by saying (a) accountant has received the invoice and (b) things are slow due to the holiday season and most of the staff are off.

Do I believe them?

No.

I think they are having cash flow issues.

I am trying not to see this as a referendum on my worth as a human being on Planet Earth, but I gotta say it's difficult: Their cash flow situation has now become my cash flow situation! The interconnectness of all human beings is not always a blessing (cf. bubonic plague & corona virus epidemics.)

Resilience! I counsel myself. 80% to 90% of all freelance invoices get paid—eventually. (I made that number up.)

Resilience is a hard sell, though. I've always had such a hard time with uncertainty that often, I find myself sabotaging situations because a negative outcome feels better than an uncertain outcome.

It's a good thing I took that tax position with Soul-Sucking Company.

I was hoping it was going to supplement my freelance income, but this morning I am thinking it will have to replace my freelance income: Assuming the invoice does get paid (which is still the most likely outcome), I don't think I can deal with the post-invoicing anxiety anymore. When I lived in Dutchess County, my living expenses were a lot lower, and I had a small savings account that gave me some peace of mind in situations like this. Now, I don't.

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Anyway, I must figure out a way to offset the anxiety because I have about 500 pages of the U.S. tax code to memorize—well nigh Talmudic in its abstruseness—& then I will be toddling off to the gym, and thence, to NYC for Flushing Chinese and Hamnet with Flavia & Betsy. Chinese food & movies are the traditional Jewish Xmas celebration.

I really, really miss Brian. He is the one person I could talk to about this. He would enfold me in his warm and magnetic personality and give me wise counsel. Instead I am writing it here & picturing invisible people shaking their heads: Gawd! She's such a trainwreck.