Looking For Institutional Embrace
Nov. 2nd, 2023 11:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mallorys_cameraThe deeply quirky but brilliant documentarian Errol Morris has made a film based on David Cornwell’s memoir, The Pigeon Tunnel.
I watched it last night and may watch it again this evening.
The film is mostly a series of interviews with David Cornwell.
David Cornwell is better known as John le Carré under which guise he was one of the most brilliant writers of the late 20th/early 21st century, superbly fitted by background, training, and temperament to dissect the decay of history that has resulted in our current infatuation with subterfuge.
Yes, a writer of spy stories. A genre writer! But what genre could be more relevant to the times we live in, a shifting web of misinformation, of evidence unpacked, rearranged, misplaced, found again, and redisguised as soundbites?
From idiots like me who watch The Real Housewives to supplier-induced demand (those drug ads on TV!) to social media façade-life (which seems to have superseded most people’s real lives), eddying upwards into the oblique reaches of highest governance (let’s hear it for plausible deniability!), everything these days is spying and code words.
One could argue, I suppose, that it’s same as it ever was. (This is not your beautiful wife.)
But I dunno. Without any concrete proof that I was there for any of what came before, right now strikes me as the worst of times for anything remotely resembling what you might call “truth.”
“History is chaos,” David Cornwell says at one point in the film.
He’s right.
###
Cornwell speaks exactly the way that le Carré writes, which makes the series of interviews all the more remarkable.
###
Cornwell’s father was a notorious confidence man, which is probably why I dreamed about Ben all night.
(Ben, of course, was nowhere near the level of Ronnie Cornwell in terms of conning expertise, but he was better than average.)
Confidence men, of course, are one specialized subphylum of spies.
Writers are another.
Here’s what Cornwell has to say about what makes a good spy: …a bit bad but at the same time loyal…separated early from the nest, early independence of spirit, but looking for institutional embrace.
###
Anyway, yesterday was cold and grey. Uninviting. I didn’t plan on going out.
But in the afternoon, I got a frantic text message from Brenda: Linda had forgotten a lunch date. Linda had been weird and spacy over the phone. Brenda owns the local Dairy Queen, and her employees had reported that this strange spacy old lady had come in twice yesterday to order the same thing—yep, Linda.
So, Brenda and I met up for coffee.
I came with the idea of organizing some sort of intervention: Linda, your friends have noticed…
But Brenda said the only person Linda might possibly listen to is Pat.
I called Katie Day when I got home to see if she had noticed anything. She had. She timed its start to around the time of L’s knee operation.
Then I trotted across the road to talk once again to Pat.
Pat was much more sanguine about the situation than she had been last week. She'd spoken with Linda by phone yesterday and said that to her, Linda seemed more coherent than she'd seemed last week. Specifically less forgetful.
Pat isn’t particularly optimistic that a medical consult would pick anything up. (Like most nurses, Pat’s opinion of the American healthcare system is low.) She thinks so long as Linda isn’t overtly ill i.e. running a fever, complaining of pain, not eating, etc, there isn’t very much that can be done so long as she’s not doing anything dramatic like forgetting to pay her bills.
###
This morning, Linda had another dramatic memory lapse, and I thought: I’m tired of this.
I’m fond of Linda, I’m happy to be helpful within limits, but I’m not particularly saintlike, and I don’t love her. It’s unclear to me how aware she is of her own situation.
I kinda think she needs to be made aware. Is that even possible, though?
Brenda texted me again this morning: How is today? Last night?
Not good, I replied. Described the incident this morning. And then said, You and I are probably the most “no bullshit” of her friends, and I think we should stage an intervention. Make her AWARE that she’s having memory issues so she can implement some kind of safety response system. Get medical consults—check to see if she has a UTI. Even if she gets pissed off at us. Because otherwise, we’re gonna have to tell her kids. And her kids don’t like her.
###
I’m still hoping for a six-month window to find a living situation I actually like rather than one that’s merely an escape.
But I’m not sure I’m gonna get it if what's going on really is dementia.
This is making me feel unsafe.
Which is making me very cranky.
###
Last night was first frost. Today is very cold but sunny and bright. Shortly, I will tromp, early-vote, and strew my composted garden plots with straw, the final step in putting them to sleep.
Then more Remuneration!
The income stream is more important than ever because when I move, my living expenses will go up.
I watched it last night and may watch it again this evening.
The film is mostly a series of interviews with David Cornwell.
David Cornwell is better known as John le Carré under which guise he was one of the most brilliant writers of the late 20th/early 21st century, superbly fitted by background, training, and temperament to dissect the decay of history that has resulted in our current infatuation with subterfuge.
Yes, a writer of spy stories. A genre writer! But what genre could be more relevant to the times we live in, a shifting web of misinformation, of evidence unpacked, rearranged, misplaced, found again, and redisguised as soundbites?
From idiots like me who watch The Real Housewives to supplier-induced demand (those drug ads on TV!) to social media façade-life (which seems to have superseded most people’s real lives), eddying upwards into the oblique reaches of highest governance (let’s hear it for plausible deniability!), everything these days is spying and code words.
One could argue, I suppose, that it’s same as it ever was. (This is not your beautiful wife.)
But I dunno. Without any concrete proof that I was there for any of what came before, right now strikes me as the worst of times for anything remotely resembling what you might call “truth.”
“History is chaos,” David Cornwell says at one point in the film.
He’s right.
###
Cornwell speaks exactly the way that le Carré writes, which makes the series of interviews all the more remarkable.
###
Cornwell’s father was a notorious confidence man, which is probably why I dreamed about Ben all night.
(Ben, of course, was nowhere near the level of Ronnie Cornwell in terms of conning expertise, but he was better than average.)
Confidence men, of course, are one specialized subphylum of spies.
Writers are another.
Here’s what Cornwell has to say about what makes a good spy: …a bit bad but at the same time loyal…separated early from the nest, early independence of spirit, but looking for institutional embrace.
###
Anyway, yesterday was cold and grey. Uninviting. I didn’t plan on going out.
But in the afternoon, I got a frantic text message from Brenda: Linda had forgotten a lunch date. Linda had been weird and spacy over the phone. Brenda owns the local Dairy Queen, and her employees had reported that this strange spacy old lady had come in twice yesterday to order the same thing—yep, Linda.
So, Brenda and I met up for coffee.
I came with the idea of organizing some sort of intervention: Linda, your friends have noticed…
But Brenda said the only person Linda might possibly listen to is Pat.
I called Katie Day when I got home to see if she had noticed anything. She had. She timed its start to around the time of L’s knee operation.
Then I trotted across the road to talk once again to Pat.
Pat was much more sanguine about the situation than she had been last week. She'd spoken with Linda by phone yesterday and said that to her, Linda seemed more coherent than she'd seemed last week. Specifically less forgetful.
Pat isn’t particularly optimistic that a medical consult would pick anything up. (Like most nurses, Pat’s opinion of the American healthcare system is low.) She thinks so long as Linda isn’t overtly ill i.e. running a fever, complaining of pain, not eating, etc, there isn’t very much that can be done so long as she’s not doing anything dramatic like forgetting to pay her bills.
###
This morning, Linda had another dramatic memory lapse, and I thought: I’m tired of this.
I’m fond of Linda, I’m happy to be helpful within limits, but I’m not particularly saintlike, and I don’t love her. It’s unclear to me how aware she is of her own situation.
I kinda think she needs to be made aware. Is that even possible, though?
Brenda texted me again this morning: How is today? Last night?
Not good, I replied. Described the incident this morning. And then said, You and I are probably the most “no bullshit” of her friends, and I think we should stage an intervention. Make her AWARE that she’s having memory issues so she can implement some kind of safety response system. Get medical consults—check to see if she has a UTI. Even if she gets pissed off at us. Because otherwise, we’re gonna have to tell her kids. And her kids don’t like her.
###
I’m still hoping for a six-month window to find a living situation I actually like rather than one that’s merely an escape.
But I’m not sure I’m gonna get it if what's going on really is dementia.
This is making me feel unsafe.
Which is making me very cranky.
###
Last night was first frost. Today is very cold but sunny and bright. Shortly, I will tromp, early-vote, and strew my composted garden plots with straw, the final step in putting them to sleep.
Then more Remuneration!
The income stream is more important than ever because when I move, my living expenses will go up.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 05:45 pm (UTC)I don't have (yet, thank God) experience trying to make people acknowledge things like memory lapses. My sense is that people in general HATE being made aware of stuff like that. Do you have experience with it, with how it might be done with any hope of success?
I *hope* you do get your window :(
no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 05:50 pm (UTC)But somebody needs to step in. I'm thinking (hoping?) enough of her mental faculties are intact to recognize we'd be telling her the truth. And it could be something as treatable as a UTI. Asymptomatic UTIs are notorious for making older folks act wacky.
Because otherwise, I'm thinking we'll have to get her kids involved.
And she would fuckin' hate that.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-02 05:54 pm (UTC)She has enough contact with state agencies, so that's a distinct possibility. (She's still "caring" for Katie Day's mentally disabled son Gregory, and she's paid through the state. Periodically, she has to show up for state-run inservices.) Plus, she drives.
Sigh.
I do hope it doesn't come to that.