A River Flows Through a House

[mallorys_camera]

I pumped that exercise bike for an hour last night and finally slept—and had the most fabulous dream—

I was visiting D and R in London. We were all in our 20s, traipsing about, having fabulous adventures. All their friends ❤️LUV❤️ed me and wanted to be pen pals.

Then D and R came to visit me at my house in Arizona (!)—which was just the most fabulous house ever! Half of it was an ordinary house, but half of it was a rainforest, incorporating a small forest of fern-like trees and a river.

The whole house was crammed with people and friendly animals—dogs (I spied Sandinista in her prime!) and tame hedgehogs. Also, there were make-up stations strategically located throughout, so you could touch up your eyeliner and mascara as needed.

I’d prepared D and R’s guest room in the forested part of the house but was explaining to them that if they didn’t like the forest, I could put them up in the more ordinary part of the house—when a federal agent entered the house and explained to me the government wanted me for questioning—

The government wanted to know how I’d managed to create the forested part of the house.

Which, of course, I’d done through personal magic.

Which I was not about to share with the government.

“Yes, yes, I’ll go with you to your headquarters,” I said. “But not today. Tomorrow. Come back then.”

They left, and I thought, Well, I’m gonna have to dismantle the forest part of the house. It’s the only way I can make it so the government leaves me alone.

The prospect didn't make me particularly sad.

Because I knew I could magic it back into being—and thousands of other wonderful things as well—whenever I wanted.

###

Yesterday was most remarkable because I did taxes for a man whose wife was murdered in 2022.

The man was pleasant and polite. But deeply sorrowful as one might imagine. And not quite all there—as though one of the hinges that held him to this world had disintegrated, and he was floating in space.

No, I didn’t Google when I got home.

Though I thought about it.

But I figured I owed him that respect.

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

Just as with my students, every client has a story. I work sometimes w a kid who saw his dad get shot by a relatine when the kid was in 1st grade. (((((shudders...))))

[mallorys_camera]

every client has a story

So true. And that's actually why I volunteer in this capacity. I don't have a great passion for the tax code as such. 😀

[asakiyume]

That is a fabulous dream. I love that you knew you could do the magic whenever you wanted. Beautiful. If you ever really do develop that power, please come and make a rainforest in my house.

I might have googled the guy. I googled most of the women I worked with at the jail. I don't see the disrespect. I suppose it has to do with privacy? But a murder is a crime against the community as well as the individual or family, and the details of it are public. For me, finding out about it isn't like peeking through his curtains or listening in on his phone conversations.

... If I decided not to google him, it would probably be because I didn't want to take that added sadness into me.

Hopefully with time and support he reconnects with life and re-grounds.

[mallorys_camera]

If I decided not to google him, it would probably be because I didn't want to take that added sadness into me.

It was partly that.

But the respect thing…

I guess what I would argue is that I felt he was a victim. And I didn’t want to victimize him more. If that makes sense.

[asakiyume]

I guess I don't see your finding out the details as revictimizing him because it's not something he's ever going to know about or be hurt by. (I realize some things that we do that others don't find out about **do** victimize them--like if we take videos of them undressing or something. But this doesn't seem to me to be that.) I feel like all of that is just going on in *you*.

But it is going on in you, and that's a good enough reason, in my book, not to do it. If you feel like you'd be victimizing him, then of course it's right not to do it! You don't want to hurt him.

--Please don't take this as my trying to get you to do it. I was making an observation about myself and how I would feel for a comparison point, that's all. I definitely respect your desire not to hurt the guy.

afterthought

[asakiyume]

Okay; I see how a criminal making illegal videos could argue the same thing about a person not knowing and therefore not being hurt... so maybe I should adjust my sense of no-harm-no-foul. I still do feel like there's a difference, but I'm moving more in your direction.

Re: afterthought

[mallorys_camera]

My dear! I certainly do not feel as though you are attempting to exert your e-e-eeevil Svengali-like influence on me: Google him! GOOGLE him-m-m-mmmm...

I totally get your logic.

Nor do I feel particularly virtuous about not Googling him.

It was just a feeling I had.

And I'm pretty certain that I, too, would Google the clients I worked with if I worked in a jail. I guess I would argue the acts are (or were) part of who they are (or were.)

But the loss of this man's wife was not part of who he is in some essential sense. It's something that happened to him quite randomly.

I'm not explaining this very articulately.

Re: afterthought

[asakiyume]

No, you are! I get it. That's a very big distinction between him and the women in the jail.

Re: afterthought

[bb_lurks_here_too]

I represented maybe between 5-10,000 people who spent at least a few hours in jail. I knew quite a bit more about many of them than a Google search would disclose (all this way before the Internet), and was paid to know it. Can't imagine why anyone would do that for free.

Re: afterthought

[mallorys_camera]

Probably because asakiyume and I are writers and therefore interested in personal narratives of all sorts.

You write well. But you're not a writer. 😀