You, Too, Can Be a Ukrainian Gangster!

[mallorys_camera]

So-o, my airbnb hostess in Tustin is this tragic Russian piano teacher. She has taken a shine to me, so she spent the morning feeding me delicious cherry and whipped cream pastries and recounting her life story.

She was married at 19 to a Ukrainian gangster. They migrated to the U.S. and settled in Chicago where the gangster set up a profitable Medicare fraud scam. The scam proved so successful that soon they were able to move to Southern California where the weather is fabulous and the malls brim over with disposable goods.

Side bar: Is Southern California the only place in the world where they still build malls and the malls are successful?

The tragic Russian piano teacher was a member of the Russian intelligentsia —into art and classical music, in other words, instead of crooked, anonymous shell corporations. It had been an arranged marriage and there were certain… shall we just say sexual kinks… on top of the basic incompatibility between otherworldly musician and hardened crook.

Anyway, she was determined to rat him out and win her freedom. I think she must have been around 30 at this point with two small children.

So, she went to the FBI with her story.

The FBI agent kept yawning and stealing peeks at his watch while she recounted her tale and finally he interrupted her. “Here’s the thing,” he said. “Six million dollars is not a huge amount of money. With six million dollars, you can maybe buy a house, buy your wife a diamond ring. But you can’t do much. Now, if it was sixty million dollars, it might be worth our while to go after the guy. But for six? Nah.”

So, now you know!

All those small-change larceny schemes you’re contemplating to augment your revenue stream?

You can probably get away with them!