5.3 Kevin Costners = 1 Anna Nicole Smith

Much of downtown Monterey burned down last night, but even though I live a scant five blocks away from the flames, I didn't know about them until very late.

The fire barely made the 11 o'clock news.

That's because the local media was so caught up in exhuming every nuance of Anna Nicole Smith's Tragic Death – eight out of the nineteen minutes not devoted to commercials (I timed it) – that they didn't have time to report local news.

Wait! That's not entirely accurate. There was a minute and a half of Kevin Costner putting very badly in the rain at the AT&T Pro Am.

Now I do believe that at least one of the chandeliers in the National Enquirer CEO's mansion was paid for by my purchases of his rag over many, many years. I am as celebrity-obsessed as anybody. I used to be an editor at fucking People Magazine, for God's sake.

But Anna Nicole Smith?

Who cares?

It's Andy Warhol's world. We just live in it.