Just Another Aging Boomer

[mallorys_camera]

Bad couple of days.

Having trouble with the "falling" part of "falling asleep."

I could physically register how tired my body was, but every time I began to drift off, I was flooded with bad neurochemicals that made me feel unsafe, a chemical lurch that pulled me back into hypervigilance.

Very exhausting.

This winter has been very, very difficult.

It's partly the brutally cold weather, partly the ghastly political situation, partly my sub-optimal personal situation, but also (I imagine) partly my age: Totipotence has always played a huge role in my delusions of my own uniqueness: I can do anything! Maybe not well! But I can do it!

But at 73, I am learning there are things I can no longer do, & moreover, that other people see those limitations and judge me for them. I am no longer really a unique & special person. I am just another aging Boomer.

It's a humbling process.

###

Had my cardiac consultation yesterday. Liked the cardiologist very much! Beautiful young woman of Indian extraction. Terrific bedside manner.

"Cholesterol is mostly a genetic thing," she told me. "Lower estrogen levels, particularly after menopause, lead to increased LDL and triglycerides, raising cardiovascular risk."

My LDL (a/k/a "baaaaad" cholesterol) is 160—literally one point into being high!

But my lentil-and-oatmeal-heavy diet & regular visits to the gym have not succeeded in budging that number.

She wants to start me on statins.

"What happens if I don't take them?" I asked.

She cocked her head & smiled quizzically. "Your chances of having a stroke in the next 10 years go up by 30%. Your heart's in good shape! Your EKG looks great. But, you know. There's plaque in your arteries, and plaque breaks off."

Now! I am not particularly scared of dying, but I am afraid of stroking out!

So, I am going to take those statins.

Sigh...

###

In other news, Remuneration client seems to be on the verge of sending me a new assignment, which would be great.

Comments

[halfmoon_mollie1]

speaking purely for myself. take those stations (i've been taking one for about four years now.) I'm not ready to lose you yet. You ARE a unique and special person.

[asakiyume]

Huh, your entry got me to read up on statins (because I had a vaguely negative impression based on half-heard buzz over the years, and also because I have bad cholesterol numbers), and it looks like they're considered very safe and beneficial, and they think they work by stabilizing plaques. So! I learned something today.

Love your photo.

[adoptedwriter]

Yeah…I thought my anxious feelings would subside after my mom died. Nope. The political/world situation is doing it. Weather def doesn’t help. My husband has been on statins since the early 2000s. More pleased than minuses. Makes him feel “safer” from bad stuff happening.

[mallorys_camera]

Thanks. 😊

[mallorys_camera]

The cardiologist told me that 5% of users report negative side effects that manifest as muscle cramps.

But apparently, statins also have an anti-inflammatory effect, & since I have an inflammatory autoimmune disease, maybe they'll help with that. I dunno.

[mallorys_camera]

I definitely do not want to have a stroke! So, I'll take them & try to be grateful.

[fauxklore]

I have a problem with statements like "your chance of having a stroke increased 30%." How serious that is depends on the baseline you're measuring from. If the non-statin odds of having a stroke are, say, 1 in a million, a 30% increase is not very significant, while if the baseline odds are 1 in 10, that is actually scary.

Btw, re: side effects, there are several different statin drugs and people who get muscle aches using one of them can switch to a different one.

[mallorys_camera]

Right. The assumption is always that they're measuring from your specific baseline, which, of course, is not true. Still, it's a useful heuristic.

I'm going to take the damn statins because having a stroke is a very scary prospect, and plaque accumulations in my arteries (which my LDL levels make likely) ups the risk.