mallorys_camera | Just Another Aging Boomer (Reply)

Bad couple of days.

Having trouble with the "falling" part of "falling asleep."

I could physically register how tired my body was, but every time I began to drift off, I was flooded with bad neurochemicals that made me feel unsafe, a chemical lurch that pulled me back into hypervigilance.

Very exhausting.

This winter has been very, very difficult.

It's partly the brutally cold weather, partly the ghastly political situation, partly my sub-optimal personal situation, but also (I imagine) partly my age: Totipotence has always played a huge role in my delusions of my own uniqueness: I can do anything! Maybe not well! But I can do it!

But at 73, I am learning there are things I can no longer do, & moreover, that other people see those limitations and judge me for them. I am no longer really a unique & special person. I am just another aging Boomer.

It's a humbling process.

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Had my cardiac consultation yesterday. Liked the cardiologist very much! Beautiful young woman of Indian extraction. Terrific bedside manner.

"Cholesterol is mostly a genetic thing," she told me. "Lower estrogen levels, particularly after menopause, lead to increased LDL and triglycerides, raising cardiovascular risk."

My LDL (a/k/a "baaaaad" cholesterol) is 160—literally one point into being high!

But my lentil-and-oatmeal-heavy diet & regular visits to the gym have not succeeded in budging that number.

She wants to start me on statins.

"What happens if I don't take them?" I asked.

She cocked her head & smiled quizzically. "Your chances of having a stroke in the next 10 years go up by 30%. Your heart's in good shape! Your EKG looks great. But, you know. There's plaque in your arteries, and plaque breaks off."

Now! I am not particularly scared of dying, but I am afraid of stroking out!

So, I am going to take those statins.

Sigh...

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In other news, Remuneration client seems to be on the verge of sending me a new assignment, which would be great.