Of Gardens & Protective Mimicry

[mallorys_camera]

The garden has been a bone of contention twixt me & Icky.

Six weeks or so ago, he informed me he did not want to share the garden in back of the house.

"I know myself," he told me. "I want to do things the way I want to do things—not that I couldn't learn from you," he added in a gratuitous attempt to sound gracious. (Gratuitous because nothing can make Icky sound gracious.)

He offered to put in a kind of annex garden where I could putter & grow.

I made inconclusive murmuring noises.

The whole thing was extremely weird, I thought: There's such a lot of work involved in planting and tending a garden, why wouldn't you want to share that with someone?

Then the Hyde Park Community Garden folk emailed me asking me to come back, & I thought, Providence has solved my dilemma!

###

A couple of weeks ago, he was gonna get one of the neighbors over to tractor the garden (much more efficient than rototilling) and asked me how much square footage I would like.

"That won't be necessary," I beamed. "I found another place to garden."

Weirdly, this seemed to upset him!

Where was this place, he wanted to know. He asked four times; I ignored him. But clearly, he was put out.

The day the neighbor was supposed to come over, it rained. And then she didn't come over on any of the subsequent days (Probably because you didn't pay her last year & made no noises about paying her this year either, I thought. I wouldn't think Icky is close enough with the neighbors to get friendship favors.) This put him in a glowery mood, too.

###

Then last night, I got a text from him: Go ahead and plant what you want on the side of the house or the garden fyi. I’m going to be coming up there a lot less I think.

Did something happen? I texted back.

I am not happy coming up there to sit around all week with Gus’ door closed on me. He won’t do anything around the house or with me. I don’t want to be up there under those conditions.

Little Susie Sunshine that I am, I texted back, It’s a difficult situation, yes. But I HAVE seen the two of you bond. I know it’s none of my business but even if he is pushing you away, if you LET yourself be pushed, it’s going to feel like abandonment to him.

I need to protect my mental health, he replied.

What mental health? I wondered.

Of course, I also knew that he was acting out, having the 63-year-old-man version of a temper tantrum, informing as many people as he can about his grievances. I'm 90% certain that he will be back up again next week on the usual date, and it will be as though this text conversation had never happened.

Still. The whole thing made me nervous.

Like am I gonna have to start thinking about filling the propane cannisters, mowing the acreage, making sure Black Chicken is fed & watered? That's a lot more work than I signed up for.

###

He does have a really dreadful relationship with the Spawn, but then I had a dreadful relationship with RTT when he was Gus's age, and today, we are besties, so go figure.

As a parent of teenage children, consistency is the most important thing—consistency & a commitment to far-sightedness, goals in the long term: Gus is incapable of seeing three years ahead because Gus is 15, and three years is one-fifth of his lifespan—figuratively the equivalent of 15 years to me. I can't see 15 years ahead!

Also, Icky has this ridiculous notion that being a parent is kinda like being a super-friend. If I didn't dislike him, I'd almost be touched by the way he begs the Spawn to let him play video games with him—video games? you think that's what fathers do? are you mad?

And then there are all those mornings when Gus refuses to budge from his bed, literally pulls the covers up over his head, while Icky screams, "This is ridiculous! Get the fuck up! You have to go to school!"

Only Gus doesn't get up.

One imagines him beneath his covers with a small, sly grin on his face. Punishing Daddy by punishing himself.

A toxic situation.

But honestly?

The Patrizia-torium (which I like quite well) is sheltered from the rest of the house, the kiskas are happy, and it's none of my business.

###

Anyway, I did get over to the Community Garden on Thursday and weeded happily for an hour before it began to pour. (Not in the forecast.) Got the strawberry patch weeded. Will go back tomorrow to do the rest of the weeding and put in lettuce & beans.

This year, I have the space to attempt germinating my own seedlings, so I have various heirloom tomato varieties percolating in tiny peat pots.

Today, I am running the bounce house at Vision of Wallkill's Duck Derby.

The fun part of the day, the actual race of the rubber duckies down the Wallkill River, has been canceled due to safety issues: The Wallkill River is at flood stage.

And I can't say I am looking forward to chaperoning a bunch of brutish Trumpie tadpoles—'cause that's what the citizenry of Wallkill hamlet are, brutish Trumpies.

But I committed to it and must follow through.

Sigh...

Protective mimicry, I remind myself.

Comments

Bounce at the end

[bb_lurks_here_too]

I knew someone whose job was to clean bounce houses and kiddie ball pits. I suggest you don't hang around for that part, based on what I was told.

Re: Bounce at the end

[mallorys_camera]

Oh, I never volunteer for the cleanup part of these events. 😀 I'm no martyr.

[asakiyume]

I love that Icky was hoisted by his own ungenerous petard when it comes to the garden. WHY is the guy such a miser!? Has no one told him that you can't take it with you? Or is he pressed for cash or what??

Protective mimickry is important. Go, go, go, bounce house queen!

[mallorys_camera]

Icky is the only child of an extremely indulgent mother, and possibly an outcast as a child (Israeli immigrant.) I think maybe that's the reason why he is so extremely self-centered and unempathetic.

[asakiyume]

Now that you write it out, I remember we've talked about this before. I guess I just always reset to bewilderment--but yeah: that could be the reason!

[suzannareads]

Hope the bounce house went well. They do one every summer at Boys & Girls Club where they have to run a timer to cycle kids through for crowd control.

[mallorys_camera]

I ended up having a lot of fun, so go figure! 😀

I used the timer on my phone. You absolutely do not want the kids staying in for more than five minutes at a time. They get quite wild!

[smokingboot]

63 years old. It's incredible that anyone can reach 63 and know so little.

[mallorys_camera]

He is having a very, very hard time aging.