mallorys_camera | Of Aryan Goddesses, Tube Socks & Gay Cowboys (Reply)

Nor did Project Runway disappoint. Heidi Klum – keynote speaker at the annual Eva Braun Impersonators Convention (held this year at the fabulous Terezin Resort, about an hour and a half north of Prague) was as icy and menacing as ever even with her naval popping up through her edgy pink maternity top and Jay McCarroll did a cameo to remind us all why he remains the Truman Capote of the fashion industry.

The challenges were terrific too – muslin is that stuff you tie the nutmeg into when you're making jam at home. Big spaces in the warp. Tough stuff to sew! And they had to come up with stylish outfits – Emmett's peekaboo beach dress in salmon was my fave and I intend to buy it off the rack next time I'm scheduled for bariatric surgery and drop a hundred pounds. And setting the contestants up for a party (read: free booze!) and then taking the clothes off their backs? Genius, my little unsung associate producer friend. And I am so looking forward to the inevitable maternity clothes challenge wherein Whatshername – Wacky Science Girl – designs a couture gown with embedded breast pumps for Heidi.

That being said, Project Runway had one major flaw – it was on too late! So I didn't get up at my customary 5am and it's just like they say: sleeping in is a gateway to exclamation points and major slacking! So I've spent the past two hours reading Defamed and Radar Online instead of plotting to advance my hot sauce empire and here I am now frivolously twittering away to my imaginary friends inside the computer who have better things to do than read this, I'm sure.

Let's see – yesterday we made more money than anyone else on Steinbeck Plaza (except the restaurants) and since we didn't make very much money at all, you can imagine what their cash flow statements look like. ("We sold one bottle of nail polish," Sean at Del Sol confided. "And that was it.") Also, the masks arrived from Venice and they surpassed even my wildest dreams in terms of their amazing construction and beauty. (Pictured is Guerriero, the Warrior Mask.)

Also I went nuts with the Google marketing and put up a series of ads that are not getting very many clicks but are resulting in actual sales with the clicks which I assume is what targeting's all about.

Also Robin had a mini-meltdown when I had to inform him that – alas! – the release of Sims 2: University for Macs has been pushed forward a month, and that therefore, he would not be getting it for Christmas. I was right in the middle of attacking him with a tape measure per instructions from the modeling agency that's sorta, kinda, maybe interested, and had just instructed him to step out of his pants so I could get the waist measurement. "I'm not taking off my pants!" he screamed. "That's gay! Modeling is gay! I don't want to do it!"

Oh, Jeezus. Meet my son, the incipient homophobe. All those relentless years of lecturing – "It's not bad, it's different! Differences are good, they're what make all of us unique individuals" – can't stand up to five minutes of playground insults. I've told Robin many times that if I ever hear him use the word "gay" as a pejorative, there would be big consequences. But I'm not exactly sure his use here is a perjorative: modeling is gay and my most breathless hope for Project Runway actually is that the imperturbable Emmett and my platonic heart-throb Tim Gunn pull a Jeff-and-Julie and fall deeply in LUV.

Robin's favorite uncle Lew is gay. One of those log cabin Republican types. We figure he'll be first in line for Breakback Mountain. We've never told Robin. We figure this is something his Uncle Lew should do himself once Robin's old enough to be beyond the playground kneejerk stage.