The 2019 MEME

2020-01-01T15:19:06Z

Copped this meme from alicey, oh so many years ago…

1. What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?

Went on a cruise! Mixed bag for me as a character in my own life but marvelous for me as a narrator.

It was kind of like a weeklong acid trip, and the person I went with, though a bright and interesting guy, and generous—he essentially paid for the trip—remained shrouded in this really strange and impenetrable psychological miasma. Absolutely no bonding.

(Some months after the trip, I had to excise him completely from my personality playlist ‘cause he turns vicious if you try to penetrate the miasma. It was no great loss.)

I ate Georgian food! Twice, in fact. It’s a strange and wonderful cuisine:

Went to my 50th (no-o-o-oooooo!) high school reunion.

Explored Brighton Beach:

Buried an X-Husband. Well. He was cremated. But, you know.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made two New Year’s resolutions last year. I didn’t write them down, and I can’t remember the first.

The second was to finish the first draft of If You Find This, Take It: It Was Meant For You, which I did not do for reasons that were legitimately Beyond My Control.

Yes, I have made one New Year’s resolution for 2020.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not that I know of.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. Rutger and Ben.

I suppose it may seem bizarre to equate the death of a cat with the death of an X-Husband. But Rutger was a sweet, sweet guy who loved me whereas Ben was a jerk who didn’t love me at all, deathbed protestations notwithstanding.

Reading back over my 2019 journal, I see I made the final emotional break with Ben in March. Finally realized how ridiculous it was for me to care about someone who treated my emotional investiture so cavalierly. Who’d always treated my emotional investiture cavalierly, if it comes to that. And who—more importantly—had abused me according to every textbook definition of the term. The violence had not been physical but psychological, which is why I discounted it for so long, I suppose.

I stopped caring.

I knew Ben was dying in May. He did not. I considered telling him, but what would have been the point of that?

I had no intention of getting caught up in the Death March, but then Ben’s girlfriend abandoned him, which meant that my son would have to deal with his father’s death alone, without support. And that wasn’t happening. So, I ended up spending an inordinate amount of time in Tburg last summer at the deathbed of someone I was more-or-less indifferent to.

There was one visitation from his wrathful ghost! My immediate reaction? What the hell do you have to be angry about? And I think that quelled it.

5. What countries did you visit?

Mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A new car.

7. What date(s) from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 20! Rose married John! Such a fabulous wedding!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Supporting Robin through his father’s death and the attendant emotional mishegas.

I was a very good mother to Robin this year in every conceivable way. I’m not sure he noticed. Or will ever notice. In fact, such is the nature of maternal sacrifice that if they do notice, you’re probably doing it wrong.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I suppose not finishing the first draft of If You Find This, Take It: It Was Meant For You. Except, as I say, I honestly believe that was due to circumstances beyond my control.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?

Seems I was sick a lot in 2019. Nothing too devastating.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I can’t remember!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

BB’s behavior is always praiseworthy. I’m lucky to have him as a friend.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

On a personal level? No one’s. Of course, current events are overflowing with people who appall and depress me.

14. Where did most of your money go?

I gave more money that usual this year to the kinder. It’s money I probably couldn’t afford to give them. Other than that, living expenses.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Glassmaking! I spent an idyllic weekend with my dear friend Carol at the end of September, and we spent two days at the Corning Museum. We even took a glassmaking class! I didn’t realize such artistry went into glassmaking! You can do mind-blowing things in that medium that you can’t do in any other medium.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Drawing a blank here.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder? Happier.

b) Thinner or fatter? About the same.

c) Richer or poorer? Poorer! Deathbed duties kept me from working for a couple of months during optimal revenue generation time.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Exercise. Writing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Complaining. Giving into Seasonal Affective Disorder.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

BB and I did the traditional Jewish celebration: bad Chinese food and a good movie.

21. How did you spend New Years?

A small dinner party. Buff Ken and his extremely nice girlfriend Lorraine came over. I improvised a ham and black-eyed pea soup that was quite tasty. Black-eyed peas bring good luck in the New Year!

I was asleep by 10.

Max texted me from California at my midnight: I know you’re probably asleep but I’m Thinking about you mom and I love you so much!!!!! Lots of exclamation points mean alcohol intake, yes?

22. Did you fall in love in 2017?

Ha, ha, ha.

23. How many one-night stands?

Rolling around on the floor, gasping for breath!

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Boy, you know, I didn’t watch a lot of TV last year. I have access to just about every streaming service under the sun thanks to kind friends who give me their passwords. I watched a lot of old movies.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. Waste of time.

26. What was the best book you read?

Leonard Gardner’s Fat City.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don’t listen to a lot of music, sadly. I can’t listen to music when I write or when I read. Even instrumental music! I find myself transfixed by it, trying to figure out the exact instrument that’s making each sound.

28. What did you want and get?

A standing desk.

29. What did you want and not get?

A new car.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Parasite.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 67. The Tax Bwanas had a party for me!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Somnographia!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Oh, I always dress like a bag lady.

34. What kept you sane?

Friends, books, my cat, my garden. My kids this year did their best to keep me not sane.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Seems to me I did have a celebrity crush this year, but whoever it was obviously did not make a huge impression ‘cause I can’t remember them now.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Trump’s inevitable 2020 victory. I mean, why can’t you get it together, Democrats?

37. Who did you miss?

Rutger.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Without a doubt, Debbie and Russ. We spent two magical days together

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019

It’s okay if you want to play Tropico so long as the bills are paid!

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The 2019 MEME